Not sticking to agreement about returning to work

[theagreementwas]

We had an agreement 2 years ago that we would take breaks to be carers to our 2 SEN children till both were in full time school. They both get HRC HRM DLA . Which they now are.
I was going to be a SAHM and DH return to work.

The dla awards run to age 12 for both. Dh is now saying he wants to wait longer. That we are managing and he wants to stay as a registered carer. The thing is with both at school I don’t think we need both of us at home ? I don’t know what to do ? He is the higher earner by a lot, so it makes sense for him to be the one working. I’ve offered compromises but he says no to all.

I guess he’s enjoying being a SAHP . Maybe he’s nervous about stepping back into the world of work or doesn’t want to return to his old profession.

The job market has changed alot in the last two years. If he’s been a carer, how easy will it be to step back into a similar role?

What compromises have you suggested?

That he works PT and I work PT

I don’t think anyone is unreasonable here really, you just need to compromise and figure out what everyone is happy with.

I’m just angry as we made an agreement and he’s said yes all along and now we are at that point he’s changed his mind

I think it’s one of those things really where although not ideal it’s understandable. Would you be prepared to start working full time now?

You should say that you don't especially want to be the main breadwinner and that you also enjoy caring for the children. So it's not fair for him to just refuse to work at all. It's fair that you should both work PT. That you want it to be equal, both work and both caring.
If they're in school it's not like the caring is a full time job now anyway.

Can you manage financially to stay as you are?

The fairest thing to do is that you both work part time, perhaps three days a week so you both get fours days off?

You both going PT is the sensible option.

Neither party should get to unilaterally decide that they’re just not going to work, and the other party has to be the sole financial provider, that’s unreasonable.

What would he say if you said “good idea, I’m going to give up work too”?

Clearly you need to have an income stream, so you can’t both decide to give up work, so both going part time seems the fairest solution.

Higher rate DLA sounds like they have a serious disability. Is there wrap around childcare available for them? Do they have a lot of medical appointments to attend? It wouldn't be unusual to have a stay at home parent for school aged children with profound disabilities.

How often is he called into school to deal with an issue or bring them home? That’s been the issue for SAHM friends of mine who would have liked to go back.

But not reason you can’t both try to be part time if this is an issue.

Has he said why he has changed his mind?

What about pensions if neither of you return to work?