To self refer social services

[numberblocks54321]

NC for this

Am burntout so don’t know if I’m being unreasonable/dramatic

DS age 4 is on waitlist for autism assessment, no appointment in sight. He has major sleep and food issues. Also have a 10month old baby that is relatively easy (but the two together is hard work)

closest family support is 2.5 hours away. No friends or local support. DS only in nursery 9 hours a week

DH works shifts and is constantly flipping between 8-6, 8-8.30 day shift and 8-8.30 night shifts.

Our house is utter chaos. I’m completely ashamed. Both me and husband have executive function problems (I’m certain we’re both undiagnosed autistic) , and pre-kids having a messy house and being forgetful doing life admin it’s not a huge deal. But throw in a very high needs child and a baby and I feel like we’re barely coping.

the kids are safe, but DS is constantly asking for things and so there is about 100 interrupted tasks per day , the house is a state. DS gets parked in front of the TV so I can attempt to empty dishwasher or attempt to do basic cooking and I feel so guilty when I read the antiscreen threads on here.

when DH is on nights I have to bloody share my bed with both the baby and DS and I get woken up about every 30 minutes throughout the night, I feel physically sick with anxiety in anticipation of these nightshifts

I hate our family life so much . Feel like a shit parent . But is there anything any service can help with? Or is this just normal life with Sen kids?

Hello, it sounds really tough. I was in this situation myself a few years ago, so can appreciate how exhausting it is. Have you considered Home Start? They are a great support for young families.

I wish I could offer help, but didn’t want to read it and ignore xx

2 young kids (1 with SEN), no outside support, and you trying to juggle it all alone would be incredibly hard for anyone. You’re not failing, the lack of support around you nowadays is the fail. Hang in there. You are doing the best you can do and that is enough.

I’m in no position to offer advice. The only suggestions I can think of are…. Can DS go to nursery 15hours a week to maximise the free hours? Soon he’ll be at school which will lighten the load a little, just keep doing the best you can til then. Your kids are loved and that’s all that matters.

Could DH take a couple of days off work / tie into when DS is in nursery and you have a big de-clutter / tidy time. Book a cleaner in for a one off after.

Also get out the house when you can - to classes / library / park. When they’re outside somewhere else they can’t be making a mess you later have to tidy up!

Sending hugs. It will get better xx

Home start might help,
the national autistic society have branches who usually run parent support meetings
at 4 your child should be able to access much more nursery/preschool hours - is there a reason he is only doing 9?

at 4 if he is on the waitlist for autism assessment is it possible to look at portage/special needs preschool?

I have a SEN son. I was advised to get a SEN social worker asap because the longer you’re in the system the more help you’ll hopefully get for things like respite etc. there’s no shame in having one 🙂

Speak to DS nursery as the first port of call, they can sign post etc, or if you have a HV speak there, you can also see if you have a family hub near you - all of which offer support and are designed for early intervention support

You can contact Children’s Social Care, and ask for an assessment from the Early Help team too, they can refer to Homestart and other services in your area

Contact early help rather than family safeguarding and they will be able to offer you some support.

Watching CBeebies is fine @numberblocks54321 if it means DS chills for a bit whilst you get jobs done and have a break from the constant demands

ours were plonked in front of CBeebies when little
eldest is in college doing A’levels
youngster is going GCSEs in top set throughout, enjoys team sports etc etc

tv is fine - a trade off 2 hours of CBeebies for a more relaxed mum - no contest

it might be an idea to see if you can work out how you can all get more sleep, again ours came in with us most nights when they were small we have a bed on the floor for dad if it got too crowded in the bed - they naturally started sleeping in their beds alone as they started school but usually ended up in the bed by morning

the house was sometimes tidy - enough - but you know it wasn’t ideal homes standard

i drank coffee to get through the day balancing it out so as not to keep awake at night
dinners were hands off easy food minimal washing up - jacket potatoes featured a lot