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Made to feel guilty over saying no and feel obligated.

6 replies

Ifeelsickandshocked · 10/02/2026 14:43

I've posted before (may have been deleted, not sure), about an elderly man who died, and the investigation into a housemate.

DH and I used to have a business. The man was an avid collector of the things we sold/repaired, so after he begged us, we agreed to carry on for him (only), after we closed; we also said we would do it at cost price. We didn't charge for labour, or the fact that some items needed more than one consumable, nor having to repair the things (which inevitable occurred with each batch). So it actually cost us, but we were fond of him.

Somehow his housemate and her dad also got us to to it for them. They never really used our services when we had the business, only the odd item, but when they found out we did it at cost price for the man, they started giving 30+ each to do.

Before the man died (and the investigation/police involvement), we had decided to stop. The old man was getting increasingly worried about money (often he would pay for his housemate), so we stopped for him, as he was old, frail and in poor health. We visited him as we liked him, but refused to do more for him. The women still gave us another batch, and we decided that this would be the last time!

Unfortunately he died before we had chance to tell them. Then the housemate contacted me, wanting DH to help her get stuff, go to the police with her, etc. When it became clear this would not happen, she stopped.

I saw her one last time and gave back her items. I refused payment, as that was it.

She then wanted DH to sell them. I told her that he wouldn't and sent her instructions on how to sell on eBay and other platforms.

She then said she would get rid of them via cash cow, but two minutes later begged DH to do it again.

When I didn't respond she asked when DH was going to start fixing/replacing for her again. I said he wasn't, that we hadn't charged for the last lot and that was it.

She left voicemails begging, then sent a message asking why he'd stop when he was happy to do it before. She phoned from another number (she was blocked), and put her dad on, who said she had over 100+ items that needed things replacing.

I sent a message with my DS here (I am shy, easily bullied and hate confrontation), saying that it would not happen, we wouldn't do it, and blocked her.

I've received messages from another number asking why. Then another saying that her and dad would have to sell them all, which would upset them, as we won't do it.

I feel wobbly. I feel that we are being painted as the bad guys, when they have saved £100s. That the fact that we did it without charging labour, and often, not even the cost of the items, has been ignored.

The emotional blackmail makes no sense. They didn't get the items because we did them cheaply, they already had them, and never used our services when we had to charge a commercial price, only when we agreed to do for the man at cost price.

OP posts:
BlueBlueBerries · 10/02/2026 14:48

Block all contact numbers and report them to the police for harassment.

Wakemeupinapril · 10/02/2026 14:51

And breathe...
And block, delete the messages so you can't keep reading them and doubting yourself.
You owe them absolutely fuck all.
Anymore come through delete unread and block that number.

saveforthat · 10/02/2026 14:52

I can't work out what it actually is what you were doing for them by why on earth did you let others jump on the bandwagon? Anyway clearly YANBU to block them and report to the police as pp suggested.

Marinel · 10/02/2026 14:56

Block them every time they find a new way of harassing you. If they manage to get through again, don't engage with them - "We've already had this conversation and I'm not having it again, goodbye". Who cares if they think you're the bad guys. You owe them nothing, and you have nothing to feel guilty about.

Ifeelsickandshocked · 10/02/2026 16:16

Thank you all. I felt by claiming to not be able to do anything, and getting rid of items, some of which were sentimental, made me feel responsible.

Although I realise it's manipulative rather than real, as they had the items before we met them, they didn't get them as they were relying on us IYSWIM

OP posts:
ginasevern · 10/02/2026 18:10

I don't understand what the police investigation is about or why the housemate wanted your DH to go to the police with her? What am I missing?

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