Ive always struggled to make friends since I was young but since I have got older (now 42) I can make friends but I cant maintain them. My daughter is the same and she is autistic i am on waiting list for autism testing but I have alot of sensory problems and social problems. I have one friend that has stuck around but I dont ever see her I speak on the phone every other day to her but the thought of meeting up and doing something I just dont like it and if she says I can go out with her and her friends thats even worse thats a huge no no. Yesterday she had a go at me..I said to her I really wanted to make friends as im lonely and she started shouting at me saying I never take her on her offer to go out or to meet up. I never pop over to hers for a coffee. These things are all true. She said she is giving up with me. I feel sad about this but also relief as I now dont have to make excuses as to why I dont want to meet up. My friend has changed she is always havingna go at me and bossing me around on the phone and i feel overwhelmed. the thing is I imagine myself socialising and having friends and not being lonely. I like the idea of it but I just cant do it. Whats wrong with me. I hate myself right now and feel like am awful person