PSA: Cavolo nero 💨

[MrMischief]

Public service announcement:
Tried Cavolo Nero this week, although I am late to the trend. Only ended up with it thanks to the M&S Two Dine For offer - so really, this is on them.
Felt very smug cooking it with a fancy chicken Kyiv, draped it on the plate like I was on a naice lifestyle programme. Delicious. No complaints for taste.
Anyway. No one warned me it turns your insides into a wind farm.
Honestly, I’ve never produced so much gas from something that looks that innocent. It sits there all posh and like it will do you some good, then two hours later you’re basically a malfunctioning trumpet. This was worse than the Jerusalem artichoke and cauliflower diplomatic stink from 2009.
I produced fart after fart so deep, long lasting and mournful that all the dogs in the neighbour started howling.
Yes it’s healthy and trendy. Yes it tastes nice. But this is NOT a vegetable you eat before school run, a car journey, or any situation involving silence. Certainly not for a first date.
So thank you, M&S, for the bargain dinner and the biological warfare.
Is it just me? What turns you into a human whoopee cushion?

YANBU

Haha. Roasted vegetables do this to me. Not Roast potatoes but those trays of peppers, tomatos and anything else you want to add, drizzled in oil, look healthy, taste delicious and then up all night with stomach pain and chronic wind.

It’s not fair is it. Try to be healthy and end up with gurgling guts. I’ve had the same with peppers.

Bite it up, buttercup 😁

Thankyou for making me laugh!

Oh Lordy! I bought Spacegoods recently and this has the exact same effect. Definitely not a before-work drink

If Cavolo nero does this to you, then NEVER try oven roasted shallots.

All the dogs in the neighbourhood started barking.😆

Brilliant thread @MrMischief - hope that the internal volcano has now subsided down to a mild bubbling. I do find it really disrespectful when 'healthy' food sabotages people in this way. I've never had a Mars bar result in 'anal applause' for instance.

Malfunctioning trumpet made me giggle. Excellent writing.

Really ? I was lamenting how nice the shallots were when we couldn't get onions so was going to try them more often

Though I should know as I'm erm a tad upset with them sometimes

Now it's not healthy, probably very UPF, but I do occasionally use Aldi's Quixo stuffing. I add extra onions butter and sage

The other half decided to sleep downstairs

😁

Yes, I LOVE shallots but - well, the dog won't come in the bedroom and I have to tie the duvet to the mattress.

Oh yes, the floating duvet! That is what happened to me post cavolo nero.

Shame on M&S for inflicting digestive system mayhem on the nation in its Valentine’s meal deal. We deserve better, we really do.

It’s the stalks. If you strip the leaves off it’s fine.
Edit: spelling.

Don't try artichokes then. Notorious.

They are called “fartichokes”’ in our house for that very reason.

Does removing the stalks really work, @Agoddessonamountaintop Im
prepared to try it, but feel I need to do so under careful considerations, ie with no one around to hear and perhaps a sound proof room to prevent all the dogs barking.

Once I gave my then DP some artichokes from a jar and shortly afterwards he had to rush to the toilet, he noted the laxative effect.

Any kind of ale or hipster beer creates weapons grade chemical gas from me.

It’s not fair, is it, @CraftyNavySeal You’d think those would be a good drink, enjoyable. Relaxing.