Music performance terror - please help

[Voer]

I am a mum who ended up taking an extended break from being a musician when my kids were young and I'm trying to get back into it again. I've worked really hard to get technically competent again but when I play in front of people I just get in a state of absolute panic, to the extent that I now hate performing, but I need to do it, because that's what being a musician is. Has anyone else encountered and overcome this?

Hi. I know it's difficult-I perform quite a lot and it does get easier but I do 'force' myself to do it, eg I have booked to do a couple of solo recitals this year (fairly informal sort of things, but I am working on lots of stuff for them and want them to go well!). I do lots of accompanying which I enjoy because I am not the main focus.
Do you have any opportunities to play for others in a relaxed less stressful setting? I go to a piano club once a month where we play to each other. That is good experience.
I also stick my phone on to record myself whilst playing as it sort of simulates a performance setting.

Ah. There's your issue. You've said you NEED to do it.

Big pressure.

What happened to the passion and love you had? Parenthood and bills, I guess!

Try and step back for a moment. This is something that was everything to you. Take the 'need' out and find the 'want' again.

I do remember being told to think about the music rather than the situation while performing. Easier said than done I know!
What instrument do you play?

@Pianoaholic piano here, same you as I guess. Like you I am fine doing accompanying because nobody cares about the accompanist as long as you don't play a wrong note. But playing solo I go to bits - everyone is looking at me and it's not paranoia saying that - with solo piano there's nothing else to look at.

How does one find piano clubs please??

Have you read the inner game of tennis?
Or the inner game of music?

I've read the inner game of music 🎵 and tbh found it repetitive and unhelpful. I know, I know, a lot of people swear by it. It's a me problem, I'm sure.

It’s just anxiety taking over. You know you can do it as you do it when people are not there so in theory your skill is the same.

Try to regulate your breathing. People do box breathing but I just do in for 4 out for 4, as long as the in and out are the same pace it doesn’t matter if you are counting seconds or a different pace. Regulating your breathing calms your brain reducing adrenaline that causes your panic feeling.
I like to breath like this just before any thing like this like speaking at a wedding I did it as I new I was next and even as I walked up. You can do it really subtly too and just through your nose so people won’t see.

There may be a piano club near you, I just found out through word of mouth! I am in the southwest.
Could you consider going back for a few lessons with s good teacher and that way you would get used to playing in front of someone again? I did that once my 2 kids were older and I was wanting to get back to playing again.
I have The inner Game of music and don't know that it was really helpful.

I find it helps to pretend to be someone else temporarily- someone who is much more confident to perform solos. It kind of works but I can’t say I enjoy performing big solo stuff. Some people love it I think.