Do you have friends who invite themselves to your house?

[confusedlots]

I will start by saying my house is pretty cluttered. I’m working on it and am doing quite well with decluttering but it’s a slow job and I’m aware that my house looks cluttered and messy.

i had made a loose plan to meet a friend and her children during the week, her children are a similar age to mine and although we don’t see each other very often, the kids enjoy spending time together. I messaged to suggest somewhere to meet up but because of something else that had come up for her, that wasn’t going to work and she suggested somewhere else to meet which wasn’t going to work for us as due to another appointment in the other direction, or that her and her children would just come to our’s for an hour or so instead.

Deliberately not having invited them in the first place, I just replied to say I couldn’t make the other suggested meet up location an how about rescheduling for another day.

She replied again and said well sure we’ll just come to your house then.

Do other people do this? Just invite themselves to other people’s houses. I would never dream of doing this, and she clearly didn’t get the hint when I didn’t respond to her first suggestion.

Oh I meant to say this friend’s house is always immaculate so I’m really conscious about what she must think when she sees my house.

Yes, I have one friend who does this.

I really don't care what she thinks of my house but I DO object to curling up in my pyjamas on the sofa and having her kids troop through the door.

I now lock my door.

I think it's a bit cheeky. At most I've offered to go to over someone's house when we've made plans but they are struggling to get the kids out but that's just an offer that they can say no to.

Isn't quite normal among friends?

No, it's rude.

Yes but I'm fine with it.
It should be something you first agree. In my case telling my friend many times that she is free to pop by any time

I wouldn't be impressed if someone decided to do it without having received an open invitation.

Yes, it's normal, I'm happy with it so long as I have an hour or so notice to run the vac round.

When my DCs were young meet ups with friends were nearly always at each others houses (there weren't so many coffee shops etc then), we used to take turns and I'd always have offered to host rather than have to postpone in the scenario you describe.

For me if we are agreeing to meet at a certain time then offering to go to someone’s house would be seen as a nice offer. Does she maybe not know you’re embarrassed of your home?

Probably normal and fine for some and not for others. I don't like people inviting themselves over, I'm an introvert and don't like a lot of social plans.

She replied again and said well sure we’ll just come to your house then.
Do other people do this? Just invite themselves to other people’s houses. I would never dream of doing this, and she clearly didn’t get the hint when I didn’t respond to her first suggestion

Well clearly some people do just do this. Your friend being one.
Stop hinting and say what you mean i.e. "no, that's not going to work"

Did you actually say no, or just let her turn up?

Honestly I'd take it as a compliment that they really want to see you rather than postpone and they think your house is fine.

It's rude and it's imposing.
I'm autistic and I cannot have people knocking on my door/ just popping round
It has knocked me off my routine

I love the fact that my close friends can just drop in and visa versa - but we all have the agreement that if it not a good time we just say

I'm like you OP, I hate having people come to my house so I'm very careful not to ever suggest it as a meeting place and I haven't had anyone try to invite themselves over yet. If they tried to, I'd would insist on going somewhere else or cancelling. No one has the right to make you uncomfortable in your own home.

We have friends where it’s assumed by both sides it’ll be at ours when someone suggests a meet up but it’s because we have more space and a garden. I’m more than happy with it as they’re lovely and usually bring cake.

I had a ‘friend’ like this when I was childminding. She would offer to come to my house and it took me a while to work out her house was tidy because she was sitting in mine! Her favourite was to get all sorted on a Friday and then bring her mindies to me.

If she is a good friend she won't care about your house . My best friend has an messy cluttered house but I love it . She is the type to drop everything for anyone to have a chat by phone or calling in , she offers to have her grandchild to give her DIL a break , she will go out at any opportunity. Housework is not a priority. It's never filthy as I am sure yours isn't either . Your friend and her DC want to see you , met the kids play together and they'll probably make a mess anyway .
If it really really doesn't suit you just tell her. Tell her your house is a bit messy and you'd rather go out somewhere .

Yes! Outing, here we go again!

Her daughter raised her family in what is now my home. Her daughter was here for 20yrs. I've been here 7. Complete coincidence. Absolutely random and so bizarre. We'd lost touch so.i had no idea.

Obviously, my friend is so comfortable here and I love that! She is welcome any time and she's great. We've been on holidays together, shared a twin room. She's seen me in all sorts. She is absolutely the best. She can and does bumble here whenever.

I did have another friend who used my home as a public convenience as I'm close to town. She'd just arrive, charge in, not a word, not a hello, push past me, rush to the loo and then ask for a cuppa 😁 I don't have milk and don't drink hot drinks, so she'd phone her husband and tell him she was at mine, that I have no milk in, she wants some tea, he has to bring a pint straight away. She got fed up after a while, I think!

I am of the 'don't answer the door' cohort though! I did the other day and a random lady asked me for some tinned fruit!

There are people in my life like this, I’m relaxed about it so doesn’t bother me. I like that people know they’re always welcome.

It probably just didn't occur to her that you'd not like it.

She may have even thought that she was doing you a favour given you'd already struggled to make plans twice, she may have thought she was making things easier on you. She might have even thought you were hinting at not wanting to go out and wanted her to come to your house so you didn't have to.

I couldn't care less if someone's house is a mess, small, scruffy, cluttered, whatever. As long as it isn't ridiculously filthy and I have somewhere to sit and something to drink and a loo I am happy.

Yes friends can ask to pop in for an hour. In fact some of mine ask to come for the weekend, but that's a different story.
They will probably be much less phased by mess and clutter than you are. Personally I don't mind other people's clutter in their homes at all, and barely notice it.