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Original poster

How to get my 12yo to eat!

32 replies

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 07/02/2026 12:14

My DD1 has just turned 12 and she is testing my patience with food. If it’s crisps, chocolate or sweets, she’ll try it no problems. Veg or fruit and you’d think we are feeding her dog shit.

I’ve made her a cheese sandwich with slices of cucumber in it. Cucumber has got to be one of the least offensive foods in the world and we’ve had tears, meltdowns, actual sobbing getting her to eat it.

She can’t go through life only eating beige food full of sugar. She will eat bolognese or chilli but only if the sauce has been fully blitzed until it’s smooth. Flavour isn’t the issue and it’s fully textures.

Ah! Anyone been through similar? We’ve done rewards for trying new things and tough love.

OP posts:
Original poster
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 07/02/2026 13:31

BlueRidgeMountain · 07/02/2026 13:22

That diet isn’t catastrophically bad - she is eating some veg, and there is a bit of variety with the main meals. Better than autistic 12yo DS - his sum total intake of veg is peas. Nothing else. If it’s a purely texture thing, then can she have veg blended into the bolognese/chilli sauce? And give her a good multivitamin.

Don’t make meals a battle, and don’t listen to folks who say “if she’s hungry she’ll eat” in attempts to get her eating things she can’t manage. With DS, he gets his safe foods while we eat something else (I batch cook his pasta/macaroni cheese/etc). We never try to persuade him to eat what we are having, but I get him to help cooking by grating cheese, cutting stuff up, and recently he has asked to try a few different things, so now we have a couple of new foods on the safe list. all done without pressure, tears or stress.

Thank you! I am so torn because I really don’t want to give her an eating disorder by making food a big thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 07/02/2026 13:32

ClothesHorseProblems · 07/02/2026 13:22

Offering some hope as a previously fussy child/teen. I had an extremely limited diet. I hated the process of eating. I used to dream about someone inventing a pill that had a full day's nutrition in it. The amount of pressure I was under to eat was awful. It didn't make me eat, it made me hide my not eating whenever possible. It made family relationships strained. And at no point was I told off about it. I just felt the gentle coaxing as overwhelming pressure. I felt I was in the wrong, that I was bad, disappointing etc.

Anyway I went to uni, obviously there was no pressure on me to eat at all and as friends took turns to cook different things for the group, turns out I started enjoying things I thought I hated - pizza, chicken, pork, fish, vegetables, salad, anything involving mince... I started eating it all. I'll eat anything now. There are very few things I don't like much, and nothing that I'd outright refuse to eat if I was served it.

So I guess from my experience, try to reduce the pressure, coaxing, arguments, bribing etc. You can't force another person to eat. Your job is to provide decent food. Your DCs job is to eat what they're able to

This is really reassuring! Thank you! She is much more willing to try new things when at her friend’s house. She tried and liked sausage rolls which she definitely wouldn’t entertain here!

OP posts:
Candlestickinthediningroom · 07/02/2026 13:34

We have agreed that my child will try one new food a month. We will never force them to eat anything. It will never be their whole dinner ...just a taste on the side. I will shut up and not nag. If they try it and spit it out or hate it, it goes straight into the bin and we don't mention it again. We also don't do a big fuss if they do end up liking it. So far we've had some success with watermelon, Italian ham (which is almost exactly the same as regular ham but they still hate regular ham 🤷‍♀️), bacon and raw red pepper ...but no luck with LOTS of other things. But it's not a race. So we're hanging on in there. Like your daughter they do eat apples, satsumas, grapes, blueberries, raspberries. But veg wise they only eat cucumber and raw red pepper. 😣

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Carouseloflife · 07/02/2026 13:36

My youngest was like that, I didn’t make an issue of it at the time but just went with the flow. He is an adult now and eats a really varied diet and loves trying new things. I didn’t want meal times to turn into battle grounds.

GetInLoser12 · 07/02/2026 13:37

It doesn’t sound too bad, she’s getting all the food groups and a bit of fruit and veg.

I would back right off her. She will probably become more open minded with maturity. I didn’t eat a vegetable until I left home in my late teens and now I love them, it was just a process of trial and error to find out which ones I liked and how I liked them cooked. Peer pressure will help too as she gets older and wants to join in on dinners out with friends. And if it doesn’t then it’s still not the end of the world. Many people live just fine on suboptimal diets.

Original poster
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 07/02/2026 13:38

Thanks everyone. This has been reassuring!

OP posts:
NeverTalksToStrangers2 · 07/02/2026 14:12

I wouldn't eat a cheese and cucumber sandwich and I'm not remotely fussy. That combo is just a no.

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