How to cope

[rainraingoaways]

Really struggling with going to bed early I suffer with chronic fatigue as a side effects to two of my conditions and definitely need more sleep. Every day I will think about having an early night but don’t or can’t. By the time I’ve put my toddler to bed made dinner had a shower tidied up watch an episode of something packed up pram and baby’s bag so I can leave early in the morning it’s late. I suffer with adhd and crave time on my own so after a day with my baby I need time to myself to do nothing too. Has anyone trained themselves to just go to bed and not worry about the state of the house. If I don’t keep on top of it every night it feels un manageable. 7.30 is my toddlers bed time if I go to bed at 11.30 it’s 4 hours of just feeling stressed that I’m not getting to bed early enough or that I’m not caught up on the house work and will have more to do tomorrow if I don’t do some
now. I’m currently in bed exhausted but endometriosis pain is keeping me up and the pain killer. My husband does help but he’s self employed and often working late until the evenings.

I don't know how it's taking you that long to do all of that stuff? I'd repack the bag as soon as you get in from the day so it's ready to go again (less than five mins to chuck in some snacks and nappies), have dinner earlier or if you're making it after bedtime nothing that takes ages. One episode - an hour. A shower - 15 mins. You could easily be in bed by 9pm without rushing.

Sounds like your time management skills are the issue here. Which checks out if you have adhd. My partner can take 1.5h to get to bed whereas I’d do it in 15 mins. He just loses track of time somehow.
have you tried setting little 10 min alarms for each job?

I know lots of people won’t understand this but I completely understand and I have been so frustrated with myself about this too. I don’t know about you but as the day goes on my fatigue gets worse, and then it takes ages to do anything because I am dragging myself through it. Having fatigue with a toddler is no joke and in my experience it will get better as they get older & parenting gets less physical.

A few things have helped. I front load everything and get things done early in the day when I have more energy. On school days when they are eating a hot meal at school I pre pack a lunchbox (fruit, veg, sandwich and boiled egg or chicken etc) for their tea time and we have something simple later like soup (cook at weekends or early in the day if you’re at home that day). If they want a plate its a paper one. Making dinner clean up minimal really helps. If anyone is at home we all tidy at 4:30 (I set an alarm) and then 5pm they have tv until tea, I save it for then so I can finish up stuff and there’s not more toys out. Any small things you can do to cut your workload down in the evening will really pay off.

Finally mindset wise I heard something on the Motherkind podcast that really helped about seeing an early night as “a reverse lie in” which just really appealed to me. I set my bedroom up (again early - like before work if I am working that day I will get it all tidy etc) to look lovely and set out books, tablet to watch tv etc and just relax with a cup of tea as soon as I can after the kids go to bed. It feels luxurious then rather than something I am making myself do. Also I let myself have one planned late night a week on Friday just to let myself enjoy not feeling the pressure to get to bed. I am not perfect at all, some nights I am still doing laundry at 10, some nights I am scrolling at midnight but it has improved. Best of luck with it.

7:30 – Baby Down & Reset
⬜ Finish bedtime routine
⬜ Quick living room tidy
⬜ Make a drink / reset yourself

7:45 – Kitchen Reset
⬜ Load or wash dishes
⬜ Wipe counters & table
⬜ Prep bottles/snacks for tomorrow
⬜ Take rubbish out if needed

8:10 – Pram & Baby Bag
⬜ Nappies & wipes
⬜ Spare clothes
⬜ Bottles/snacks
⬜ Toys/comfort item
⬜ Leave bag & pram ready by door

8:25 – Shower & Self-care
⬜ Shower
⬜ Pajamas & skincare
⬜ Brush teeth

8:45 – Relax Time
⬜ TV / relax guilt-free

10:15 – Wind Down
⬜ Check doors & monitor
⬜ Lights low, phone down
⬜ Bed by 10:30
This my evening routine I often want to be asleep before 10.30 but ends up around 10.30 or later. This routine also doesn’t include nights when I wash or dry my hair which I do twice a week and takes 20 minutes to dry its so long and thick that if left to air dry it will be soaking wet when I wake up. This routine also assumes I’m eating with the toddler but we don’t always have dinner together depending on what he eats or when he is hungry. I also have a hobby of cooking so love to cook from scratch as i find it relaxing but on the nights I do try cook something enjoyable it eats into my evening and if i reset the Down stairs I have no time to do anything. Baby is also going through sleep regression so i end up going up and down to deal with him

Also my husband does help when he’s home with doing housework and chores but he’s self employed and works long hours often having work to do in the eveningS

The housework really will wait. The world won’t end if you leave things for the following day (or lower your standards temporarily).
And could you not sort out the bags etc for the next day before toddler’s bedtime so it is all done by the time they are in bed?

I've got adhd and ive found the more I put pressure on myself to get things done, the more exhausted I am. I struggle with sleep too and if I want to have an early night I make myself really busy throughout the day so I'm knackered come bed time. I always feel so much better if I've managed to sleep well

i had really bad time with pnd and leaving the house work for another day caused it to pile up and over whelm me to the point I got stressed just being in the house as I didn’t no where to start. We have a cleaner come every month to do the bathrooms but I do everything else. My baby is very clingy and feral so if left for more than a few minutes he will be climbing onto everything or destroying the house so I prefer to go out for most of the day to baby groups etc. I’m also chronically unwell so I’m sure I’m slower at most things.

I get you.. I have young kids and as soon as they go to bed it’s house rebuild time and prep for the next day. The jobs are never ending and I hate leaving the house untidy at the end of the day even though I know it will be wrecked within 5 mins in the morning. I have started doing all my chores and then going upstairs early for my chill out as I was finding I was getting so distracted by jobs. Then I have found myself falling asleep early in bed while watching tv etc.. This has helped. So maybe switch your chill out timings.. might help.

ADHD here too. I’m doing exactly that after a day with my children and needing to reset and have some peace. I was going to take a melatonin and would recommend that for you too.

Thanks for all the advice need more hours in the day