For those of you who have children with EBSA/school anxiety.

[SupportingEBSA]

I support families who have children struggling to access school due to SEMH. I am on a bit of a side mission to try and develop better support for families going through this.

If you have experience of this yourself, what support do you wish had been out there to support you and your family. Did you have access to support groups? Did the school provide any additional support? What was done well/what was done poorly?

I told the school in the September of year 10 that my child was struggling. I could see we were on a downward spiral. I asked for help, I asked for an EHCP. We were met with nods and blank looks because she was still going in most days (although being sent home early by school when she was not coping).

Roll on 4 months, when she had pretty much stopped going in, we were offered outdoor well being, sessions with a therapy dog, a reduced timetable, an application for an EHCP (which was granted without any need to appeal anything but took a year instead of 20 weeks because of the lack of educational psychologists).

Where the heck was all of that when she needed it? It was offered once it was too late. She couldn't go in by then. She never got a chance to access the help.

In hindsight by then she was seriously ill in a deep autistic burnout. The focus for us by then was just keeping her alive and safe. I'd gone from fearing she wouldn't pass her GCSEs to fearing I would find her dead one morning.

I'm still so angry at how the system is such a failure.

What might have helped:
Any support would have been useful before it got to the point she couldn’t attend at all.
Someone listening to my suggestions/ the suggestions of the autism outreach person (referring to her was the one helpful thing they did do) and actually following through on them. Someone who actually listened to the messages I left on the absence reporting phone line and read the emails I sent and got back to me.
School dealing with the bullying I was reporting to them regularly.
Not blaming me, threatening me with fines, threatening her with me being fined, telling me I should be physically dragging her out of bed and down the stairs , not inviting my mother to a meeting after I had told them I didn’t want that (my mother did the school run one day a week) because that made the situation much worse
A new school that knows the situation and why she is moving schools (unmet needs and anxiety that they agreed they could help with) actually putting in place the support they said they would, giving her the correct timetable on her first day and telling her the codes to get into the other building so she’s not left stranded outside by the child who was supposed to be showing her where to go.
Support to apply for an EHCP, not repeatedly telling me she doesn’t need one, then saying she does but you will have to apply yourself and refusing to fill in any of the forms the LA sent them to evidence what they had put in place, so it was refused. Useful independent support to apply to navigate the system. I consider myself well educated and literate, but had no idea what to do or when or how and was completely overwhelmed. I contacted IPSEA and SOSSEN and they were no help. School referred me to Early Help and she admitted she didn’t know how to help.
CAMHS having anything useful to offer. 6 sessions of counselling wasn’t going to solve the problem (and I realise we were lucky to get that).
Part of the problem was secondary school was too big, too loud, too bright, too many people, even a much smaller independent school that I tried was (or maybe she was too burnt out by 3 years at the previous school), I don’t know what the solution to that is though.
Not letting me believe it was my fault and I was the only parent in this situation.

What did help:
Referral to the autism outreach person even though she didn’t have a diagnosis at that point. She listened to DD and I, helped DD communicate her needs, told the school what they should do, a lot of it was things I had already suggested but they were inclined to listen to her.
They tried a phased return building up time in school. She was met by the same TA each day who supported her and fed back to me. The phased return didn’t work in the long-term but DD mostly trusted this member of staff and would sometimes go to her when she needed her.
Staff who understood that she wasn’t naughty when she constantly lost her stationery and timetable and just gave her another one (I gave that TA a box of chocolates and a large box of replacement pens at the end of term).
In primary school, Circle of Friends group.

DD1 should be in year 10, but is now home educated. That isn’t what I wanted, might not be what’s best for her, but there was no choice after the second secondary school (small independent, claimed to be good at supporting SEN) failed and said she couldn’t continue in September and I knew she would not be able to attend a third school without significant support that wasn’t available without an EHCP and my request had been rejected.
DD2 is in year 6, has just been diagnosed with autism, has 100% attendance, but I am very worried about how secondary school will go for her and potentially going through this all again if it doesn’t go well.

Request alternative provision from the LA. section 19 of the Education Act 1996, the LA, rather than the school, is ultimately responsible for ensuring CSA DC unable to attend school still receive a suitable full-time education. You don’t need the school to refer, you don’t need to wait any longer, you don’t need a specific letter with specific wording from HCPs, and s19 provision isn’t limited to attending one specific placement because it has to be suitable. If the LA ignores you, refuse or delay, you need a pre-action letter. Then, if that doesn’t work, you can look at JR proceedings.

Alongside this, request an EHCNA if you haven’t already.

The school did not need a GP letter in order to authorise absences and code them as I. If DD is absent due to ill health the absences must be authorised. The Regulations (School Attendance (Pupil Registration) (England) Regulations 2024) make it clear where a pupil is absent because they are unable to attend due to sickness the absence must be regarded as authorised. DfE’s statutory attendance guidance also states absence due to illness (physical and mental illness) must be coded as I and unless the authenticity of the illness is genuinely and reasonably questioned must be authorised.

Thank you, thats very helpful. I didn't know I could just request this directly.

I guess for the point of this thread - knowing that would have been useful (and in general knowing what options you have).

DS is college now and thriving. The pastoral support from school was the key, as was a teacher coming to the house during his free period just for a chat. He also had a support worker from Young Minds. He could tell he was cared for.