What kinda things do you do for yourself? What are you outside of being a mother ?

[Stuckinthemiddlewithyouuhoh]

Vicar asked me this question not that long after looking my son 14 years ago

and of course I could really think straight at that time
but I barely had any answers
and it really made me think
wow I dont do anything for myself…

at the time I really had no answer for her but I’m so thankful she asked me that as it really changed my future
and made me think of myself as a person also

i think a lot of us women have really been socially conditioned to think of ourselves last
esp when we have young children
just don’t forget to remember you count too

You make a good point, but I don't think it's social conditioning, we are just naturally selfless, it makes sense since the human race survives on it.

It's a balance though, everyone in the family needs to contribute and also have "things for themselves". But yes, if you're finding the balance is swayed so much you have nothing to yourself, that's something to address.

I'd like to get more exercise.. but at the same time I can think of other things I'd like to be doing instead (staring at my phone sucks the time away)😆

Excellent, more pressure to add things to my to do list and be a better, more interesting person.

It’s honestly not about being a better or more interesting person
it’s just about you remembering you count too 💐❤️

it’s so easy to get so bogged down esp if your children are young

I make time for myself, I garden (have an allotment), I paint & I like to game! This can all be done with my children in toe so it’s a win, win the only thing I can’t do with my kids in toe is read but I do try and make time on the evenings in bed with a good book.

I have more hobbies than I can keep track of. I have a horse and I garden and wild swim and I do lots of long distance walking (walked a few pilgrimage routes in the UK and Europe). I have always travelled, go abroad usually every year without the dc. I have long had a strong professional identity, I put a lot of time and passion into my career. Unfortunately, I’ve had to leave it due to poor health (which has been much more difficult than anything related to being a mum). But it’s a big part of who I am. I also do a lot of peer support work, so have online communities and face to face groups I participate in that are a big part of who I am.

So sorry for your loss

I think as children get older you naturally start to come back, so to speak. My youngest is two and a half and while it’s still very full on it’s nothing compared to this time last year, for example, when I had a just turned four year old and eighteen month old.

I do think it’s normal your identify disappears for a few years and we shouldn’t give ourselves a hard time about this.

Sorry, misinterpreted it - felt like one of those "do 15 mins a day of all of these things to feel more relaxed...which then stresses you out trying to fit it all in 😂

Honestly? Nothing.

I had my DC during lockdown and lost my main friendship group as they were all ready to get back to going out socialising when restrictions were over whereas I was getting used to being a mum.
My husband works at sea and is gone for weeks at a time so it’s just me juggling work/childcare/school. We don’t have any family support.

Realistically I could go out and do something for me when DH is home to take over with DC, but we get 3-5 days a month where we are all together and I’d feel guilty taking any of that time to do something for myself. I use some flexible working to be able to deal with school/childcare when DH is away so some evenings when he’s home he takes over with DC and I work for a few hours to make up my time.

I know I’ll get a chance to find who I am again outside of being a mum, but for now that’s what I am 🤷🏻‍♀️☺️

Lots of little things:
Different types of outdoor and indoor exercise (even just 5 mins yoga - & I’ve recently started running with a friend)
Read
Hot tub
Skin / body care
If I’ve got the money a bit of retail therapy
Wake up before dc to enjoy a cuppa in bed
Journal

I love going to museums and art exhibitions, heading into London to meet friends for coffee or matcha (or a meal), and doing reformer Pilates twice a week. I’m also really into plants and gardening, and I love reading and I go to the library once a week.

I also enjoy a bit of pampering: a monthly manicure and pedicure, plus a facial each season. Every Mother’s Day, I treat myself to a solo spa weekend for a massage, a facial, and some proper time to relax and unwind.

I love my career and have worked my way up over the years. After having kids, I shifted to freelancing and now work part-time hours. I keep a wishlist of things I’d like to do or try, and I’m giving myself the time to follow through on them: learning Italian, taking refresher courses in French and Spanish, doing a self-defence course, taking singing lessons, and learning how to sail and play golf. So far, I’ve booked a calligraphy class and I’m currently looking into Italian classes nearby that fit my schedule.

Nothing….

Will get easier for you as kids get older
but it’s so hard without family support