Sister about to have baby- what would be helpful

[OneCheeryGoldMoose]

Hello,

My sister is a week away from having her first baby. I have a question for any new mums or other mums of course that remember this period of time.

She is a very independent no nonsense woman. She has everything set up ready and she has stated that her and husband will be doing hospital on their own and that we can visit once they have been home for two days so we won't be taking anything present wise to hospital.

I have bought her lots and lots of bits that don't get thought of until you realise you don't have it- ie:bath thermometer, normal thermometer, sudo cream, calpol, sponges, sock, muslin blankets, baby bath, reverse car mirrors so they can see the baby in the back...all along those lines.

But what would be helpful for when we visit- presents, pre cooked meals they can heat up?

I am so long out of having a baby lol. What would have been helpful to you from family visiting after your first born? I have asked her but she said she has no idea what she will struggle with so any suggestions would be appreciated!

Honestly, just don’t add work when visiting. If she likes your cooking, some food.

What do you mean add work?

This is lovely op! My SIL did this for us and it was so helpful!!

id say some food or vouchers for cook meals or similar.

Precooked meals (as long as she has fridge or freezer space), walking the dog if she has one, topping up little snack bowls with jelly babies or nuts or whatever she likes so that if she's sat down cuddling or feeding she doesn't have to get up to go get something to eat, takeaway or posh meals on wheels vouchers are great too.

Food is good, snacks that are quick to grab and meals that just need heating up. Nice drinks maybe as she will be thirsty if she’s breastfeeding.

Also just your presence really, offer to do some washing up/put on a load of washing/hold the baby while she has a shower or a nap

And honestly, it sounds as if you’ve bought her overwhelming amounts of stuff already, so maybe just leave it there? Other than a thermometer and some muslins, I don’t think I had any of the things you list at all!

Don’t buy more stuff. You only need one baby bath and I never used those mirror things. I would wait and maybe offer to help tidy the house or cook some food for them to take round if they would like that.

Make a mess, require cups of tea or meals, deposit loads of stuff that needs to be put away so no one falls over it etc etc.

I'll definitely do this. I remember when my best friend had her first and I asked them if they wanted a nap and six hours later they came highly apologetic, I had had a marvellous time 😂

Why would I do any of that 😂

Cooked meals for the freezer and no more gifts.

I wouldn’t have wanted all that stuff, but anyway, that’s fine.

The best thing you can do is, when you come to visit, bring all the catering and tell them in advance that when you come, you’re bringing lunch or cake. That way they have to do no planning. Turn up, serve lunch, tidy up, take the mess home with you. Our first visitors brought soup and bread. Second ones came with a cake and made us cups of tea and served cake.

In terms of actual gifts, the best things are snacks. I bring dried fruit/dates, brownies, chocolate, biscuits, nuts, nice coffee and tea, things that can just go in a little snack tray for middle of the night feeds.

If you want to buy a tangible thing, a yeti mug with lid for keeping hot drinks hot (and safe).

Babysitting vouchers she can trade in where you look after the baby and she gets a shower/nap/night out. I know you would do this anyway but giving present vouchers somehow makes people feel better about calling on you for help.

I bought lots of food that could be frozen- and was easy to eat one handed!!
I made her some pies, some lasagna, some cottage pie and fish pies
Basically tried to get lots of veg in- and lots of protein as she was breastfeeding..... Also whenever she started to feed baby and I was there I would get her a drink....
I also did a basket with nice drinks, snacks, drink bottle, some nice smelling moisturiser and nipple cream etc- stuff that she could grab from the sofa when breastfeeding for hours.......

Perfect, thankyou.

I did make a list of the things I bought and they both approved them before I ordered them. I did this a few months ago so they are all put away in the nursery.

One handed food! Thank you 😅

If she has the room, pre-cooked meals to freeze.
Healthy but tasty snacks (great for breastfeeding).
A Stanley-styled cup with straw, I lived off this because I was always so thirsty and her favourite squash/drink.
If she doesn’t have the room for food, you can get Just Eat vouchers or similar.
My brother cooked me a Sunday dinner in his house and dropped it off at the door after an extended stay in hospital (I was ill) and honestly I nearly cried 😂

COOK delivery

I think if she's the organised type, then I'd just ask her if there's anything she'd like buying/doing. Let her know you're on standby to nip to the shops if she discovers something she needs after the baby is born.

I liked the really posh cake we shared that my mum bought almost a celebration cake. Also, don’t over stay your welcome. State what time you will leave at straight away. (You could unload the dishwasher, walk the dog, fold any tumbled clothes but that if you are staying hours). Leave when you said you would defo less than 2 hours ideally one hour. If she is in pain and tired so don’t over stay your welcome also she might be struggling with breast feeding and want privacy in her own home and not want guests hanging around.

Honestly what helped me the most was people treating me normally. Not like I was suddenly some pathetic 'vulnerable' damsel who couldn't do anything for herself. No, I didn't want people making me food, faffing with my laundry basket or cleaning my house. I would have found that extremely patronising. I could do all that for myself with DH help. If she is a smart, independent woman as you say she is, she will just want you, your humour, your delight for her safe delivery and little else.

My most favourite visitors did the following:

Call in advance and offer to pick up any groceries we needed on the way.

Ran round with the Hoover while we took the baby out in the pram for a walk (baby hated Hoover noise)

Cleaned kitchen and bathrooms

Stripped and remade beds

Did loads of laundry and ironing.

Emptied bins and sorted recycling.

And the most important thing:

Ask how I was and what I needed help with rather than walking in and grabbing the baby.

I would have been the same but had a section and was quite ill afterwards, so practical help was really helpful.

But you are right the OP should be lead by her sister’s needs.

Play it by ear. With my first I had a PPH and I felt so awful I would have really appreciated someone who left some meals, one handed snacks and did a quick wipe down of the kitchen. With my second I just wanted to do stuff and get out of the house as I hadn’t been able to for about a month and I felt fine post birth.

Whatever you do, don’t come round to visit and then have a nap on the sofa like my mum did!!

Offer to take groceries in with you
bring lunch/snacks
make your own drinks/snacks when you visit as well as hers
offer to sit with the baby if she wants to shower/nap/have 15 mins to herself/pop to the shop alone