DS aged 15 has no friends

[MoSalahsBeard]

I’m so sad for him and I don’t know what to do. His close friend left a few weeks ago- actually he was made to go to another school due to bad behaviour. We didn’t let DS see him outside of school because of several incidents of the boy trying to lead DS astray (not coming home when agreed, vaping etc).

so, I’m not sad the boy has left. I’m pleased.

however, DS is now completely friendless. He tried hanging with some other boys he knew but they mocked him for being without the other boy who left. He now hides in learning support (he has ADHD) every lunchtime and is utterly miserable. He was in floods of tears just now. I’ve said maybe you should move schools, but he is flat out refusing that. I suggested clubs but he thinks they are nerdy. I can’t stand seeing him so sad and I don’t know what to do.

What would he suggest as a solution? Has he any ideas? Is he sporty at all? I don’t think sports groups or teams are seen as ‘nerdy’.
And perhaps, at another less emotional time, his idea/judgement of ‘nerdy’ could be challenged. Perhaps some of the kids/groups he sees in that way could be good friends if he gave them a chance.

I should say, he does play cricket but those boys seem to already be in friendship groups with other kids he doesn’t know. He’s also in the school band but same problem there. The kind of clubs left are like chess or science things which aren’t him.

Has He always struggled with friendships or is this a recent development?

That’s really tough for him, not his fault his friend has left.

Sounds to me like he possibly just doesn’t know how to make friends? Is he any good at conversation? Does he know how to ask normal questions about other people? Are there any activities coming up at school that are “new” like a school show or sports event where he could get involved with something new like lighting or a new sport? What does he enjoy doing at home? What about something like cadets or whatever the older version of scouts is called? Is he the kind of kid who benefits from plenty of physical activity? He’s prob old enough to go to sports at the local leisure centre and maybe meet some new people?

Also - does he actually know any girls? Is he at a boys school?

Ignore the silly troll

Are you pissed?! 🥴

There’s only so much physical activity he can do- he has a heart condition so can’t do any contact sports.

he has had girlfriends before- it’s a mixed school.

he finds starting new things really hard and scary- probably linked to his ADHD. I will look at local things he could do to meet new people. I still don’t know how to fix the school issued though

Moving school isn’t the answer, he’ll still have to make friends.

This is a learning opportunity. He needs to stick it out and if he wants friends, needs to put more effort in. Hiding away means he won’t make friends at all.

He calls clubs nerdy and was best friends with someone with bad behaviour and who sounds like a bully. Is your son kind OP? Does he treat people well? Sounds like he needs to have a think about what qualities people look for in friends.

Friendship groups change all the time, he needs to keep trying.

Keep him busy with his groups and maybe hang out with him more - film nights etc. He has somewhere to go on breaks at school, so he is safe and not lurking in a toilet feeling down - can he not make friends with some of the other friendless kids hanging out in Learning support at lunch?

what year is he in? It’s heartbreaking to see your DC so unhappy.

Speak to the school.

College has been a much better experience, especially friendship wise.

Have a look at something like the Army Cadets. It’s seen as cool, it great for mixing and making new friends and the routine and structure benefit lots of young people.

Yes he is very kind and caring. He’s funny too. He’s not been a very good judge of character though and has made friends with kids who are in trouble a lot in the past.

I agree that he needs to try harder. He’s just a nervous wreck and doesn’t know where to start.

He has tried. He’s friendly with one of them but the boy is incredibly shouty and, as it turns out, is very into Charlie Kirk and Trump and DS doesn’t like that (thankfully)!