Ideas for managing anxiety while grieving?

[Allatsea1980s]

My dm died a few months ago. I have always been a bit of an anxious person but now my anxiety and stress is through the roof, and I worry that I'm showing it to my children (primary aged). I just feel so grumpy and snappy. I understand that grieving is a process, but I would appreciate any suggestions on how to manage anxiety.
I suppose, reflecting on my lifestyle, I think I eat ok and am a healthy weight. Not mega wealthy but comfortable. Enjoy my job. I do enjoy a glass of wine some evenings. I find it easy to stop after one but I wonder if that doesn't help. I probably do drink too much caffeine - two coffees and a diet coke often, three coffees today. In terms of exercise I really struggle to find time. I thought I might try to do yoga regularly. What have others found helpful? I was so grumpy at bedtime tonight (my dc were, granted, being hard work) but I just can't seem to control/hide my irritation anymore, and I just feel this sense of dread all the time.

I’m so sorry for your loss OP. In my experience caffeine makes anxiety markedly worse, so I would cut down on that straight away- I only drink decaffeinated now. I withdrew gradually as I have previously got headaches when stopping caffeine. Nescafé Azera decaf is lovely.

Exercise, music, box breathing, meditation and mindfulness, trying to get outdoors when I can, listening to comforting books and podcasts have all helped me with anxiety. Dr Rangan Chatterjee has a wonderful podcast and books with lots of advice.

I hope you start to feel calmer and less full of dread soon. Be gentle with yourself x

Thank you. It’s interesting about caffeine. I always thought alcohol was a problem so I’ve done several stints of being alcohol free - doesn’t seem to make a difference. Maybe caffeine is the answer. I think being outdoors is a good one.

Sorry to hear this @Allatsea1980s I’m a few more months further on than you in the grief timeline, and completely recognise what you’re feeling.

I have:
Given up alcohol
Given up caffeine
Focused on a healthy diet
Taken up yoga - have absolutely loved this
Walked for miles outside listening to podcasts (this helped me the most in early days I think)
Initially made my life quite small - didn’t do any big trips or anything I found even vaguely stressful. Friends came to visit me etc.
Had some massages (I found the stress affected me very physically and my whole body was tense.)
Cried when I needed to and kept a bit of a diary.

I haven’t yet, but I think I might also try some counselling.

Im sorry, it’s massively shit. And even doing all the “right” stuff doesn’t really make it go away. But it does help a bit.

It is massively shit.
The only thing I try to say to myself is don't get anxious about the anxiety. It's over two years for me since mum died.
I try to give myself care, but I've never known anxiety manifest like this.
You're doing good caring things for yourself, that is positive.
You're not alone though. Xx

oh sweetheart... so feel for you... I've been there... including the feeling of dread.

It's tough... being gentle with yourself and expectations of yourself helps... and I found time outside, whether walking or just standing with a cuppa gazing out at the garden helped... somehow nature felt bigger than me and my cares and soothing too.

Gentle slow breathing helped me... five minutes just slow and deep... I think it's 5-7 breathes a minute...I timed it initially and now just do it, and find it immensely calming... I do it anytime, when watching tv or kids in the bath, whatever, a gentle space

And sounds too as if having others looking after you a bit would help, looking after kids is a lot of giving when you also need someone giving to you... whether massage... or for me, long chats with mates, sensitive and caring, whether walking together or just in the bath on the phone.

ps I think learning to grieve and accepting that it is such a natural part of life is something we're very unprepared for in our society ... I realise it is a skill we need to develop as we grow older... I hadn't fully absorbed this until I experienced a lot of loss

Thank you everyone. @LemonDrizzle23 it’s funny you say about letting life be smaller for a while. That’s exactly how I feel - I just want to be at home a lot more. Am trying to read rather than scroll on phone. But still seeing friends where I can.
I only had one coffee today and do feel better. I think yoga is a good idea too.

@Allatsea1980s I found I couldn’t really cope with anything complicated, anything that required planning or some kind of logistics. Some days I couldn’t even remember which locker I’d used at the gym, or what I’d popped into the supermarket for. I told my DH that grief had made me stupid! But thankfully now my brain is coming back to me. Just a complete lack of resilience left these days.

Oh the joys of grief…

Anything you find that works for you, you do it. And sod anyone who doesn’t like it or doesn't understand.