Why do I find it hard to get rid of stuff

[NotHavingAlaff]

Hi.
I know I'm being ridiculous but I need to get rid of a piece of furniture and im finding it so hard to do
Most of my things, furniture/clothes and other stuff are old and tatty. If I buy anything it's usually second hand
I bought a new piece of furniture for a room. But need to get rid of another piece to make space
This is an old TV cabinet with shelves around and above it. I got it second hand years ago. I don't have a TV on it just use the shelves. It's a bit tatty but solid and useful but it takes up too much space
So why am I finding it so hard to let it go?
I find letting go of anything so hard
Anyone else like this?

Absolutely I’m like this. For me the answer is because I’m autistic 😅

I've got sooo many dvds.. I'm never going to watch them cos it's all online now and I haven't even got a dvd player now!

You have hoarding tendencies? Start with the DVDs. You’ll feel lighter and in control.

I’m the polar opposite. Nothing makes me happier than getting rid of stuff. This was incredibly useful when my parents died and clearing their house fell to me. I got rid of everything.

Most of my things are second hand as well.
I take a lot of pleasure out of finding unique things that I like, that are better quality than what is made today, and that I like the price of!

Sometimes I feel reluctant to re donate things I've had for a while in favour of something new that would take its place.
I think it's because I remember how happy I was when I got the original piece and how much more difficult it is these days to find nice things.
I always think first that maybe I can repurpose the item, possibly painting it an updated colour or using it somewhere else.
If I really can't find space for it, then I re-donate it with the knowledge that someone else will get a lot of pleasure out of it.

This! Watch a few episodes of hoarders and that should inspire you to get rid of unnecessary items.

Have you been pressured into getting rid of things in the past? Does it have memories attached?

Sometimes logic doesn’t come into it. Attachments can be made that make no sense.

I can totally relate to DVDs. I don’t have time to watch half the things as it is. Never mind the dvd box set I may watch one day that I could probably stream.

Greed. Materialistic tendencies. Hoarding tendencies. Raised in poverty so perhaps you find it hard to throw things away or get rid of them.

We had to get rid of an amazing, but at that point older,mustier, too big for the room sofa, that we had got for an amazing second hand price. This huge thing had memories, basically most of our at home family memories with it, watching films with the toddlers, letting them sleep when ill, breastfeeding on it, watching them use it as a trampoline, oh so many. But it had to go.

So are you holding on to older memories? Watching family films around that unit, parties where drinks have been balanced, the buying of a new fancy tv balanced on the top?

There will be new memories, the room will be much more usable with a more suitable piece of furniture. How I looked at it is life is much more important than things, now we have a smaller sofa which the teens hang out with their friends, you hear them laughing, cheering, they now have the space to play darts, four of them ended up camped in there one night just before Christmas because there is now the space for many, many teenagers and whatever their lives desire.

Just go cold turkey, it needs to be gone, get it out.

Look at the psychology of hoarding and you'll probably find things which resonate.

I am much better at it now but used to struggle a lot.

It felt like a waste esp if it was being thrown away. I felt like I "should" donate or sell it, or use it for some other purpose but then the effort required to do this was always too much and I'd never get round to it.

I'd worry about what if I need this later.

I'd feel guilty about money spent on it and whether I'd got the use out of it.

I'd generally feel overwhelmed and not be able to make a decision so I'd postpone the decision and effectively just never actually make it.

I'd worry that I might regret it or miss the item. It's such a permanent decision!

Anyway things which have helped:

Seeing the value of space/curating my stuff rather than keeping literally every item I've ever owned forever

Understanding that getting it out is the most important and not necessarily worrying about doing it the exact right way

Understanding sunk cost fallacy (money I spent on it is spent, it will be whether I keep it for another 10 years or not.)

Not being so skint that we can't replace stuff if we absolutely need/want to. And realising that it doesn't need to be the literal exact version of the one that I had previously. I've bought new versions of my childhood favourite books/board games to enjoy with DC and guess what, it's just as fun. It really doesn't matter that it's not the exact one I had.

Being clear that in order to get better at making decisions I need to make decisions and commit to the outcome. Finding out the thing I'm worried about almost never happens, and when it does it's not the end of the world.

I have easily got rid of DVDs, CDs/vinyl, musical instruments that no one will play (they should be played not collected), books similar they should be read not turn into ornaments. Glassware that just isn't useful for our cooking, the family heirloom jewellery, not my thing I am the last female in the line.

What we have gained, is space, and time, time and space to easily do what we want to now. We don't have to restack a bunch of never listened to CDs to fit in a new book, the recipe books we have we use so cook and eat the things we enjoy together.

I even got rid of again the family heirloom crochet and knitting equipment, I am never going to wool craft, it's not me, the equipment needs to be used by someone else, I like to think that the charity shop raised a bit of cash, someone who really wants the stuff now has it and is using it, and it stopped the purchase, and hence production, of even more new stuff that the planet could do without (you know the eco bit wasted resources making new when most of the time someone somewhere will have what you need and they will never use it again most likely get thrown in a skip when a relative sorts out their estate and doesn't think wool craft equipment worth anything or the hassle of taking to a charity shop).

I couldn't donate anything I have, I even keep things that are broken such as my wardrobe with a broken drawer
No sentimental attachment to most of the stuff
I guess my mum holds onto stuff and we weren't well off. However she would spend money on unessential stuff but not on things we needed

Get rid of the wardrobe with the broken wardrobe this week. It’ll be a start. What’s stopping you?

Read the Marie Kondo book. She's bonkers and it's repetitive but she'll cure you. You'll be chucking stuff out left, right and centre.

I think like anything it takes practice, holding onto old stuff for the sake of it isn’t great.

Break it down to stages, take the furniture out of the room it’s in, put it in the car/van, drive to tip and get rid.

Put dvds into a bag, put bag by front door, put in the car, take to charity shop.

Once you’ve got rid of the stuff you’ll feel much better and relieved!

Everything @BertieBotts said.
My main problems are wanting to dispose of “properly” - so not doing it at all. I agonise over whether something is good enough for charity, whether things like wellies and football boots and generic school uniform should be trudged up to kids old school or general charity or chucked. I’ve got a broken tv in my bedroom that has been there for at least 5 years. It’s on top of the wardrobe so I’m not tripping over it but it’s utterly pointless.
Next biggest problem is thinking stuff is worth something - it rarely is - but then I think “I could get £1 each for these million items and then I’d have a million pounds” but in reality listing shit in eBay or vinted will, possibly, bring in £3. It’s taken years to be cured of this.
Then I worry about wanting the stuff back later and not having anything. This is a poverty response I think. If I get rid of horrible old clothes I never wear then what happens when I run out of clothes? I’ll be naked. What if I need that cannelloni mould or sushi mat or want to read that book or play that game or watch that series. I don’t wear moisturiser and those glasses are an old prescription but what if I need them later?? It’s nonsense but I really struggle.
I’ve found watching that Stacey Solomon programme where they put stuff in a warehouse to sort out extraordinarily helpful. It’s so easy with other people to see clearly - of course you don’t need 27 birthday banners, 11 water bottles, 32 pairs of jeans, 654 odd socks, an exercise bike, a bag of 6-12 months clothes when you are menopausal and your youngest child is 13, 81 mugs, 8 rolls of “perfectly good” sellotape - seeing that in other people helps you see it in yourself. I’ve had some success with Marie Kondo too. I always feel better afterwards - and my house is better and even though I know this I’m still quite shit at it. You've already identified the wardrobe and dvds as candidates so make that your mission for the next few days. I really like Marie Kondo’s category method and you can break it down into smaller categories for ease so instead of tackling all your clothes, just do t-shirts or socks or coats. Then you have more space and everything is nicer so you want to keep going.

YY to Marie Kondo and SYLO being helpful.

The other one which helped me a lot was Dana K White. She has a podcast - A Slob Comes Clean - and several books, the decluttering specific one is Decluttering at the Speed of Life.

Her podcast is hilariously relateable - she used to be addicted to going around yard sales (she is in USA) and then selling stuff she found on ebay but she was so sporadic at this that at one point she had an entire room for all her ebay stuff and it was only once she cleared it all out that she realised they had been paying so much more in housing costs for that room that they could never use because it was full of ebay stuff which maybe trickled in a very small amount of money and the lightbulb went on.

Well, I dismantled it. I can't change my mind now as it broke when taking it apart. Im having pangs of regret but I guess it shall pass

well done OP!! I can be similar - this thread has been strangely comforting that lots of us are like this; I caught myself not throwing away trousers with multiple holes cos ‘they’re just comfy round the house ones’ - I can have comfy round the house trousers without holes! And you can have a wardrobe that’s not broken (or the space back for something else!)

I can relate. I have been watching a lot of decluttering/minimalist youtube videos. I come from a long line of "hold onto your things just in case" and "it has sentimental value" family members. I have become inspired.

Learning that my brain thinks more clearly with less clutter has been a game changer. Also, that I value my sanity over objects. I used to store things to pass onto charity but never actually pass it on. So now I book a collection and declutter daily (sometimes just one or two things). I have a long way to go!