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Autistic dd and exams

15 replies

Angelbunny · 28/01/2026 20:27

Dd15 has diagnosed autism, hasn't attended school since year 8 due to crippling anxiety. She is still enrolled with school, with no intention to return but has 5 hours home tuition and due to sit English language and maths gcse this year (she will sit at home and has already done English lit last year).

She is doing really well at the moment. We had CAMHS involvement for around 2 years but talking therapy has now stopped, although she still sees psychiatrist as she is medicated with fluoxetine. She knows that she wants to do animal care at college but also agrees with me that it will be a huge jump going from being at home to that. I have found a college local for autistic kids and basically helping them transition to more independence and they can also sit GCSE’s/a levels there. Fingers crossed she will get a place.

I'm not sure what to do with GCSE’s this year. As she has missed so much time at school she is obviously behind. Her tutor at the moment is great when actually teaching but she's highly unorganised. Always late (even though she knows I have arranged my work times around lessons and I'm on a tight schedule), changing lesson times, cancelling. But then constantly stressed about how much catching up dd has to do. I'm finding it a lot and I don't know whether to just scrap exams this year and say she's doing them next year? I will still carry on tutor lessons but it won't be so stressful with all the swapping/cancelling as dd won't be under so much pressure? I don't really want to change tutors as dd has built a relationship and she won't feel comfortable with someone new in the time until exams. I kind of feel like this is the right thing to do but worry I'm letting dd down. She says she has no preference.

OP posts:
TwoTierBbq · 28/01/2026 20:30

The best thing is ,is that she gets the best grass in her exams and no one will look at her age.

Id delay it get the books ,oak academy if it still works and u tube tutor and tutors and help her.

TwoTierBbq · 28/01/2026 20:31

Sorry it's not clear whose late or disorganised the tutor or your DD ? If tutor get rid immediately .

Angelbunny · 28/01/2026 20:34

It's the tutor who is late. If it wasn't so close to exam time I would definitely get a new one but there's just not enough time to benefit dd as she takes so long to open up. The tutor is also actually really good when she gets going. My opinion is dd will probably get 3s or 4s. She is capable of so much more though and with more time would hopefully get it.

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Angelbunny · 28/01/2026 20:38

The tutor is also constantly asking us to teach dd certain maths topics because she says she doesn't have the time. At the moment to fit dds lessons in I work 3 weekends in a month then during the week she has her lessons in the morning then I go off to work until 7 or 8 (Wednesdays off) dh is home for 4pm when ds gets home from school and does after school clubs dinner. Then we all walk dog when I'm home. There just isn't time for us to sit down and teach her. We're tired and stressed from tutor trying to make us do this.

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Octavia64 · 28/01/2026 20:43

5 hours home tuition isn’t the same amount of time as a student would get in school for a gcse which is presumably why the tutor is not able to cover enough in the time.

i’m an ex maths teacher and in year 10 and 11 the students would have 4 hours a week of maths teaching.

unless it’s 5 hours of English and 5 hours of maths?

TwoTierBbq · 28/01/2026 20:44

Op I've had loads of tutors for both DC at various times two longer term for DC 2 and short term and short term at points with cd 1

It's a buyers market I'm astonished the turtor has the cheek to mess you around so much
The market is saturated

Drop the rope this year give her more time and find anew tutor she likes .

TwoTierBbq · 28/01/2026 20:46

@Octavia64 1:1 though specialized bespoke attention should be far more powerful than sitting in a huge class that's moving at pace with no time to go back

Angelbunny · 28/01/2026 20:47

Yes I agree it's not a lot of time and I know why she is saying it but I don't think she quite understands I don't have any other option. 5 hours is what the local authority approved (I appealed as at first they said 5 hours online, they changed it to face to face). I have no other option, it is already hard enough fitting it in as an adult needs to be in the house but me and dh also need to work full time while also being there for our ds. It's really really hard and now I'm feeling even more guilt as I don't know whether I'm failing or benefitting dd if we scrap exams this year

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Angelbunny · 28/01/2026 20:47

Yes I agree it's not a lot of time and I know why she is saying it but I don't think she quite understands I don't have any other option. 5 hours is what the local authority approved (I appealed as at first they said 5 hours online, they changed it to face to face). I have no other option, it is already hard enough fitting it in as an adult needs to be in the house but me and dh also need to work full time while also being there for our ds. It's really really hard and now I'm feeling even more guilt as I don't know whether I'm failing or benefitting dd if we scrap exams this year

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Octavia64 · 28/01/2026 20:54

Talk to the tutor.

i can’t comment on English, but for maths if your daughter doesn’t want to take maths or science a levels she just needs a grade 4 in maths gcse in order not to have to resit it (although having typed that I’m not sure if that applies to students with an EHCP/eotas).

either way, many many students get gcse grades below what they could actually get. It is the way of life and it doesn’t matter as long as she has what she needs for her next steps.

talk to the tutor. Ask her roughly what grade your dd is working at right now and then have a conversation about whether a grade 4 is achievable and what topics to focus on.

is the tutor doing both maths and English? That’s a relatively uncommon combination if so.

Angelbunny · 28/01/2026 20:58

Tutor is doing both English and maths. I have no issue with the way she's actually teaching - dd has progressed rapidly it's more the stress it's causing me. She only needs a 3 for an animal care course but as she will hopefully go to a specialist college beforehand to help with transition and confidence my idea was she could just have longer to prepare for exams and hopefully gain a better grade.

I have spoken with tutor about where dd is and that's when she just goes on about how we need to teach her. We obviously do sit with her occasionally and encourage studying but we're not teachers and I certainly can't help her with maths

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 28/01/2026 20:59

TwoTierBbq · 28/01/2026 20:46

@Octavia64 1:1 though specialized bespoke attention should be far more powerful than sitting in a huge class that's moving at pace with no time to go back

No.

not necessarily.

i have done both - and if you have for example a top set where pretty much everyone keeps up and does homework you can move at the same sort of pace as individual tuition.

equally, I have done a lot of individual tutoring for the maths gcse and honestly for a lot of students who are borderline grade 3 grade 4 the trick to getting them to pass is simply repetition repetition repetition. It’s one of the reasons tutoring year 11s is generally quite boring as a teacher because in order to make sure they remember something for the exam they need to revise it lots.

the kind of kids who get tutoring can’t or won’t do this on their own (either SEN or lazy) and so the tutor has to do the revision (repetition) with them.

stichguru · 28/01/2026 21:24

I am a TA in a College working with 18+ learners returning to study and take GCSEs having failed or not done them at 16. I also have a lad in school. The facts are this though:

  • My son, in school gets about 4 hours in English and 4 hours in maths each week.
  • My adult students get 2.5 hours tutor time in English and Maths each week, with guided home learning for another 2 hours.

You say "The tutor is also constantly asking us to teach dd certain maths topics because she says she doesn't have the time". It is obviously unprofessional of the tutor to be late regularly, but even if she was on time, she is still only providing about half of what my son gets, or about what my adult learners get each week as contact time.

This being the case I would expect your daughter to need to do about 4 hours at home each week, or possibly more in order to fully replace the learning time that she would have in class and doing homework if she were in school. This either means that she needs to do this on her own if she can both, emotionally and academically, or it is reasonable to be expecting you to do it with her as part of her home education, unless you up the amount of time she has the tutor for. I'm really sorry you are having to go through this, but even the best tutor, can't teach your daughter faster than she can take it in!

Angelbunny · 28/01/2026 21:32

Yes I know she can't teach it all in the small a.punt of hours which is why I'm wondering to scrap exams for this year. The tutors personality I find stressful to deal with. I'm working all hours and also need downtime so can't constantly be on at dd to do work ( I do support her with this and she studies and is taking responsibility) I just think we all need a bit of breathing space and extra time for her to catch up

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Octavia64 · 28/01/2026 21:40

If you have choice over when the exams are done then yes, absolutely push them back.

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