There has to be a solution here - family court

[Dueinfamilycourtandcantgo]

Ex is taking me to court to force visitation (he can't look after dc and dc doesn't want to see him but that's by the by).

My dc has a significant disability, and is also autistic.

Court has told me I have to be there pretty much the same time as school comes out.

I absolutely cannot do this, there's nobody else to be there, dc wouldn't accept any deviation in routine and it would impact the next 2 weeks, and dcs needs are so significant that the only 2 people who can look after them are me, and their brother who lives over 100 miles away and he works and goes to uni, so can't be here.

Court has pretty much shrugged and said I have to be there.

It's impossible I can't.

It's not something ex has to worry about because he doesn't have to worry about childcare and how change impacts dc (visitation stopped because he often wouldn't show and he wasn't giving dc medication etc and screamed often for behaviour that dc can't control)

If I'm not there then visitation will definitely be given.

What can I do? Is there anything?

Have you got a solicitor?

Unfortunately not, I'm self representing, it's been impossible to find a solicitor.

All court dates so far have been 10am via video which I can do easily. This next one is in person at 2pm, kids get out at 2.50pm, and goodness knows how long it will go on for.

Can the school or any school staff help at all? I know it would still disrupt routine but at least your DC would be cared for by someone who knows them and their needs and maybe they'd help due to the extraordinary circumstances?

Can you collect DC early, go to court with them? Is there anyone at all who could sit with them just while you’re in the court room?

Get the best childcare you can. Try your local LA if they have a community childminders network they may help. Emergency care via social services. And just accept your child will struggle but at least be safe. You cannot miss court as the impact to your child will be worse and longer lasting.

Unless you mean contact has been ordered for when child comes out of school not giving you time to get there? In which case you just do your best and when you are late and challenged you say your child has legal right to an education so felt uncomfortable pulling them from school early to facilitate contact you did your best but there wasn’t enough time or did the judge mean for child to be missing their education? Do not say anything resembling “I told you so” or that could be seen as attitude just ask the unemotional qualifying question did the order mean your child should be missing their education?

The court will only sit until 4 - so if there is anyone to cover that hour for you that would be easiest. Otherwise is it a 2pm hearing attend at 1pm for pre hearing discussions? If so I would attend at 1 and explain the situation and the latest you need to leave so that it doesn’t look like you just haven’t shown up. You could write a short position statement explaining why it is not in your child’s interests for you to attend 2pm court hearings and ask the clerk if they will provide that to the judge.

Take your child with you… the court can then see the issues

Who would you ask to step in and care for your DC if you had to be rushed to hospital for emergency admission? It needs to be that person who steps up for this as well. As a PP says, the long term importance of this court attendance has to override the immediate challenges it will present to your DC for you not to be able to do this one pick-up.

I've emailed the court several times explaining the situation and they have basically just been reiterating the date and time and telling me to find childcare.

Dc has medical needs that needs training to deal with so I can't just get someone to sit with them.

My son at uni has tried to get time away from uni but they are in the middle of something important so can't really have a couple of days off at that time.

Taking dc to court may potentially be an option but they absolutely do not want to see their dad (there's an ongoing social work investigation surrounding a disclosure dc made at school). Dc would need someone with them which I'm not sure the court could provide, and the only people I know are other SEN parents with their own stuff going on. School staff aren't allowed to look after kids at the school either, I've asked before for a hospital appointment and was told this was the rule.

This whole thing is just a nightmare

I had cancer a few years back and my son and I muddled through the whole thing between us. I have nobody else besides him and he can't come through on the date I need him.

If I were to have an accident or whatever dc would need to come with me until son gets through.

Our world is small with no opportunity for things to improve anytime soon.

Court is most important, sorry.

They won’t accept childcare as an excuse.

either find someone to sit with him or pull him out and bring him with you.

sorry I know it’s not a good situation,

I would take him with you. They can hardly complain. It might be good for them to see what you are coping with.

This sounds really difficult op.

What has made it impossible to find a solicitor? Could you ask for support from a guardian ad ilitum who can advocate for your dc and their needs through the court process? If there has been abuse in the past you could also look at a victim support service and see what they recommend? Some courts link with children's charities to provide a Web link so you could possibly attend court remotely and have your child with you in the next room with a support worker?

There's only one legal aid family court solicitor in my area, despite ex living 40 miles away, and being much closer to the ones who are 60 miles away from me, he used this one. The ones 60 miles away very rarely take on cases where I live because its a pain to get to.

I asked the court, social services and CAB for help, and nothing, so I've been doing it alone with the help of Chatgpt.

He wasn't abusive to me, however social services are sort of involved at the moment due to a disclosure made by dc.

They have interviewed dc, but, I'm led to believe can't get involved with ex yet as I am safeguarding dc by not allowing visits, if/when the courts grant visitation they can properly get involved.

The court haven't been willing to help me at all with this.

I know court is very important, but I'm in a really tough place right now with it all.

Regardless of court orders though my dc just won't go with him and I'll likely get in trouble for that too.

(Also feeling upset and angry as a treatment that should have helped dc hasn't worked at all and I was pinning my hopes on things improving, and they won't now, which means I'm just not in the right headspace for that idiot doing all of this and putting dc through this so his maintenence gets reduced).

The least worst option is to take your DC out of school and take them to Court with you.

Do not under any circumstances miss the Court appointment. That would be disastrous.

Thanks, I'm going to email the court just now and tell them my only option is taking dc with me and hope they allow it otherwise I'm absolutely stuck.

I’m a family solicitor (and we do legal aid work) if you’re eligible for legal aid (which I’m assuming you are as you said only one in the area) why haven’t you instructed them and if they can’t cover the hearing they would instruct counsel? How has he managed to get legal aid? I take on cases from all over the country and send a barrister…

You can’t just email the court for a change. You need to submit an application to adjourn.

Either get your son back from Uni to look after DC - he can say it's a family emergency, or take DC out of school and take them to court with you. Don't miss the court appearance as it's vitally important.

As an aside, I would speak to social services to see if you can get funding (direct payments) for some help with childcare for DC. You can then advertise and hire someone to provide you with some respite care. This will take some work and time to slowly introduce DC to the person and gradually build up to being able to leave them. It means you will have to put a lot of effort into it initially but you do need to build your network for support in case of emergencies.

Dc is entitled to funding, there's nowhere to use it except with a service that has a massive waiting list (which we have been on for 3 years).

I would love to build up a network, I have a few online people, but real life is very difficult, when dc isn't in school we are pretty much housebound, we have no family. Our world is very small. Eventually dc will move into supported accommodation, but until that point it's just us.

The legal aid firm here is being used by my ex so they won't take me on as well.

I've emailed them and asked if they have a space for dc to be there so fingers crossed they will allow it and I can keep ex and dc apart.

I understand that but any legal aid firm in the country can take you on and send counsel. Distance is no reason for them to not take on your case. I have clients at the other end of the country or clients who live locally to where I am based but their case is in court elsewhere due to the other parties location and I still take it on and just send a barrister local to them. Go on the legal aid website and ring around explaining your predicament. If you can get legal representation then you won’t need to go yourself.

You should either apply for an adjournment or ask for a cvp hearing. There's no reason why you can't apply for a cvp at the very least. If you drive, you can park up early at school and dial in. If you don't make it clear you only have until 2.45pm I'm sure school will keep your son for a few minutes over whilst you get there.