Adult children, ex never paid child support?

[ClawsandEffect]

If you now have adult children, were divorced while your children were young, and your ex got away without paying child support, have you put it behind you? Are you civil or even friendly to them now, on family occasions?

Asking for a friend. 🙄

My father never paid child maintenance or saw us much when we were little but my mum and him get on now we are adults and regularly speak on the phone! She even helps him with his shopping (physically not financially)

Why would you want to be friendly or civil to someone who wouldn't even support their own kids? Is he offering to give you a big bag of money by way of compensation?
Nah tell him to fk off

Mine paid support.

I still wouldn’t waste my time speaking to him.

My ex husband doesn’t pay - I have 100% custody he barely sees them now and we have 3 young children including a set of twins so you can Imagine the childcare costs alone.
im civil nothing more and dont intend for that to change …ever.
call it parental alienation all you want but I’m also clear to my eldest who is old enough to understand that our financial situation is as a result of their dads decisions and actions and not for want of trying on my part

I'm not saying I want to be. But when you have children, you can't continue hating when you're attending weddings, parties etc when you're both there. It'd be too damaging for the adult children.

My XH didn’t pay, didn’t see my DC and has basically ignored them all their lives since leaving when they were small. Since meeting them as adults he’s now decided he’d like to have them in his life. They don’t want to know. There’s no contact now between us and him except for random messages to DC from him once or twice a year but they don’t know him and have no interest in him. He failed them as kids and none of us are interested in him or his life. Consequences of the choices HE made years ago and kept on making.

My ds is 33. I’ve only attended one event where ex Dh was.

I encounter my ex H a couple of times a year. Too much but I tolerate him. I also look at him and think, 'What the hell was I doing?!' but that's a different story!

Not me but a friend. However, she knew he had a lot of outgoings (he supported his parents and their health) as well as being on a much lower salary. He more than made up for it in terms of being there for the children - he did drop offs, pick ups and pretty much all of the school holidays as well as after school care and weekends that fitted around what suited her. The children spent every night with her but probably 75% or more of their waking hours with him or at school.

Struggled with this a lot. X paid nothing for years, was working on and off and had his own struggles so I never pushed it. I've always been more than friendly but underneath I am mad as I could have retired by now if he had pulled his weight. The kids love him but they dont have a massive respect for him despite the occasional grand gestures on his side. I do get mad on and off but there's no point in it. For me I just accept and keep going. You can't change things and kids are good at knowing who to rely on

I never had any maintenance. I am mostly civil if I have to see him, but often inwardly seething.

Mine didn’t pay as much as he should and stopped as soon as they reached 18. - didn’t provide any financial support through university but i put it to one side and remain friendly for the sake of my DC

This is so hard. I feel like the children should really not want a relationship with someone that wouldn’t help financially but I also know that it’s not fair on them to feel that way.

Mine never paid a penny. I tolerate him if I have to see him at family events.

Our ex son in law never paid a penny in maintenance.
He left when the children were 3,2 and 1 year old.
They are now 19,18 and 17.
He has never been a father.
In fact last week he walked past the youngest and ignored him.
He doesn't want to see them and they don't want to see him.

Fortunately we have a lovely son in law who has been in their lives since the youngest was 4.
He's their father and who they consider to be.

How did she find the time to date and marry a nice man with all those kids! Asking for me!

@Unexpectedlysinglemumshe started to work at the local pub on a Saturday night. I had the children stay every Saturday night.
The locals took in turn to walk the 2 barmaids home for safety they lived near each other and 900 yards from the pub. One night this new man came in and asked to walk her home. She said no for 8 weekends. Then she said yes and the rest is history.

Tolerance seems to be the best way to go. You cannot change the past and your children know who was there for them.