Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Would your DH pay child support

16 replies

Soontibesingle85 · 27/01/2026 11:37

If you have dcs and were to divorce would your dh run away or be able to pay child support? How does it work in this country?

OP posts:
Knitterofcrap · 27/01/2026 11:41

If the father is employed, it’s much harder for them to escape paying (but not impossible)

If self employed, it can get tricky.

What’s your situation?

Original poster
Soontibesingle85 · 27/01/2026 11:42

Knitterofcrap · 27/01/2026 11:41

If the father is employed, it’s much harder for them to escape paying (but not impossible)

If self employed, it can get tricky.

What’s your situation?

I see ….What proof is needed?

OP posts:
Blondiebeachbabe · 27/01/2026 11:43

Mine tried everything to get out of paying, and back then (2008) he was earning over £100k. I would never have thought he would behave like this. I had to go to CMS and claim through them. He still managed to convince them that he earned way less than he did. My advice would be to get a claim in at the first hint of him dicking you about, because it can't be backdated.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Family law Relationship problems
Original poster
Soontibesingle85 · 27/01/2026 11:45

I’m still deciding and getting my finances sorted. He’s scared I think which is good as he’s started to pull his weight for more than a few months, let’s see…

OP posts:
Forgetnotyet · 27/01/2026 11:51

Following as I’m divorced and beginning the process of claiming child maintenance.

I get the distinct impression from past MN threads on this subject that despite the rules around it, it’s essentially unenforceable and if your ex doesn’t want to pay there’s little chance of getting any money from them.

Original poster
Soontibesingle85 · 27/01/2026 11:54

So it’s basically designed in favour of twatty men!

OP posts:
Ezzee · 27/01/2026 11:54

My ex did he owes me 18 years I'll never see it!
My DH wouldn't he an extremely good Dad to the point he was still paying his ex for 3 children when only 1 was his, he'd only been with her 18 months and his child lived with us! SS stepped in when DSS was 5 and as DH works out of the country I was given custody of him.
DH and I battled for years because he wouldn't stop the payments to her, he did stop paying when DSS was 14!

cadburyegg · 27/01/2026 12:00

My exh was rather useless which is why we broke up but when we were together he was always employed and so when we broke up I never doubted that he would pay. Even though he wasn’t a high earner and so I didn’t expect a huge amount. 3 years later he went self employed and 2 years on from that maintenance has dwindled to nothing.

As posters have said if they are employed it’s easier for the CMS to track them down and make them pay. That being said there are still things NRPs can do to wiggle out of it like claim financial hardship or say they are spending XX on petrol to see children so maintenance can be reduced on this basis.

But if self employed then there’s no real way of making them declare whatever income they earn and also no system in place to get them to work reasonable hours to provide for their children.

Go into it with your eyes open and don’t underestimate how quickly someone can turn into a person you don’t recognise, when they are no longer benefitting from being in a relationship with you.

Original poster
Soontibesingle85 · 27/01/2026 12:05

cadburyegg · 27/01/2026 12:00

My exh was rather useless which is why we broke up but when we were together he was always employed and so when we broke up I never doubted that he would pay. Even though he wasn’t a high earner and so I didn’t expect a huge amount. 3 years later he went self employed and 2 years on from that maintenance has dwindled to nothing.

As posters have said if they are employed it’s easier for the CMS to track them down and make them pay. That being said there are still things NRPs can do to wiggle out of it like claim financial hardship or say they are spending XX on petrol to see children so maintenance can be reduced on this basis.

But if self employed then there’s no real way of making them declare whatever income they earn and also no system in place to get them to work reasonable hours to provide for their children.

Go into it with your eyes open and don’t underestimate how quickly someone can turn into a person you don’t recognise, when they are no longer benefitting from being in a relationship with you.

Edited

V useful advice thnx. Now I understand why so many women stay even though they’re unhappy 😢

OP posts:
TheNightingalesStarling · 27/01/2026 12:07

I know DH would because...

  1. His mother wouldn't let him get away without paying
  2. He doesn't speak to his brother due to the way BIL treated DN
  3. His regular complaints about having to deal with employees not paying CMS and having to have direct deductions from pay (hes in charge of HR and finance for his branch)
RestartingForNY · 27/01/2026 12:12

TheNightingalesStarling · 27/01/2026 12:07

I know DH would because...

  1. His mother wouldn't let him get away without paying
  2. He doesn't speak to his brother due to the way BIL treated DN
  3. His regular complaints about having to deal with employees not paying CMS and having to have direct deductions from pay (hes in charge of HR and finance for his branch)

The funny thing is precisely those things probably coincide with him being a decent partner in other ways and so your marriage has a much better chance of lasting and him never having to pay child support. It seems like the reasons a lot of marriages break down are also reasons why a lot of men feel like they should do everything they can to not provide the bare minimum for their own children.

mindutopia · 27/01/2026 12:40

Yes, my dh would make sure we are well looked after. He’s self employed and earns more than me anyway, but I’ve been off sick with cancer for a year and a half. He pays me £2k a month just to make sure I’m not struggling and have enough for family and personal expenses, in addition to covering our household expenses. But that’s why I’m still happily married to him, because he’s lovely and puts us first and has never been funny about money and taking care of his kids.

Original poster
Soontibesingle85 · 27/01/2026 12:42

mindutopia · 27/01/2026 12:40

Yes, my dh would make sure we are well looked after. He’s self employed and earns more than me anyway, but I’ve been off sick with cancer for a year and a half. He pays me £2k a month just to make sure I’m not struggling and have enough for family and personal expenses, in addition to covering our household expenses. But that’s why I’m still happily married to him, because he’s lovely and puts us first and has never been funny about money and taking care of his kids.

❤️ sorry to hear about your diagnosis and glad you have such a wonderful supportive oh.

OP posts:
pixie1345 · 27/01/2026 12:42

mindutopia · 27/01/2026 12:40

Yes, my dh would make sure we are well looked after. He’s self employed and earns more than me anyway, but I’ve been off sick with cancer for a year and a half. He pays me £2k a month just to make sure I’m not struggling and have enough for family and personal expenses, in addition to covering our household expenses. But that’s why I’m still happily married to him, because he’s lovely and puts us first and has never been funny about money and taking care of his kids.

Show off

Original poster
Soontibesingle85 · 27/01/2026 12:43

pixie1345 · 27/01/2026 12:42

Show off

Show quote history

How is that showing off?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Soontibesingle85 · 27/01/2026 12:45

Showing off because she has a decent and caring husband who looks after her as he should ??

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page