I no longer want to be part of this life/world

[cockadoodlewho]

Never got over the death of my only sibling 30 years ago and the affect that had on my parents

Cannot move past my childhood in the late 70s to early 90s. I had the best childhood, I absolutely long for that time again more than anything. I often drive to our old houses and sit outside and reminisce with a tear. Same for my grandparents houses too. They died 35 years ago.

My frizzy and hard to control hair controls my life – I am sick of it. If you know, you know.

Never ending battle to lose weight, I’m so sick of it

Body dysmorphia - I hate my body and looks

Large debt wrapped around our necks. We can afford the repayments every month and overpay a little here and there, but it will never get paid off the debts are so large now. All zero interest.

Oh @cockadoodlewho, I didn’t want to read and run and can’t offer anything useful other than to say please reach out to healthcare professionals/GP even Samaritans if you are feeling so low.
This stranger on the internet has you in my thoughts and sincerely hopes you can get some help to turn things around

I agree - this is too much to carry on your own - please speak to your GP and see what resources are out there.

Maybe compassion-based mindfulness/meditation would help you?

And January is the grimmest time of the year! Just focus on taking good care of yourself, regardless of weight or hair or whatever - just as a little human being who's carrying a lot of burdens and needs love and self-acceptance, not beating up on yourself with diets and criticism!

🤗❤️💐

I’m not a healthcare professional but I didn’t want to not respond to your post.
That is a lot to shoulder and I don’t want to dismiss your grief and sadness.
It’s also a lot to ask to take action when it’s the last thing you feel like doing. But please see your GP and consider SSRIs. They can stop the mental noise and allow you to breathe a bit. I know free mental health services are hard to access but your GP can be a starting place. When I feel really bleak, I imagine the people who love and like me beat at my side. Your most trusted people. I imagine the lovely things they will say to me when I am at my lowest. When you can’t see yourself lovingly, it helps to look at yourself through the eyes of those who can. X
Compartmentalise what you are facing. Some of this you need to kick down the road in the short term. If you can prioritise your very low mood as an emergency. You can face the rest, one at a time, when you are feeling stronger.
Finally, please choose to stay. If you don’t feel strong enough to go to your GP just yet, please continue talking on here. X

My friend works at citizens advice, they help people manage debt.

I understand about pinning for a former era. I lost my mum in 2024 and my grandparents shortly before that. It felt like everyone disappeared very quickly. It’s very unsettling and life is never quite the same.

Reach out for help in RL.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Wishing you the very best,
MNHQ💐

I just want the hurt of my sibling to end, the longing for the past to end, hating myself to end and the angst of the debts to end.

My sibling only died five years ago, but I also long for my childhood even though it was very difficult for a lot of it. Being an adult is utterly crap sometimes.

I don’t have any words of wisdom, but the sibling loss resonated with me. Here if you want to talk x

Sorry you’re feeling like this, and I don’t really know what to say. it sounds like you are carrying a lot, but the debt won’t be there forever, and I really think it is possible to change the way we think about the things from our past that dominate our thoughts, through talking about it and being kind to ourselves. Have you had any therapy or counselling to talk about your sibling? I was in a very low place for a while last year, I found Matt Haig’s book “reasons to stay alive” helpful.

All these things can end OP because they are all to do with how you see things.
There will be some path, spiritual or therapeutic or other, that can lead you out of this dismal place. Go searching.

@cockadoodlewho I can relate to sitting outside your old home and reminiscing about the past. I often do this,more so when I lost my dad and then my brother.

For me it’s grief of the life that once was.

Sending you hugs xx

Op I get that feeling about wanting the pain to end. Have you had therapy at all to help deal with your siblings death?

I to felt like this over the loss off my mum (I was quite young at the time). It took having therapy over 25 years after she died before I was finally able to be at more peace with it. It is definitely worth seeking help as I really didn't think I could feel any better as it had been so long ago.