I can see why is MIL doesn't like him...

[Beakthrough]

DP has a friend, and they way I'm told it, his MIL is evil, the man can't get anything right and she takes every opportunity to have a dig at his ability as a parent and a husband.

However, he has a hobby which sees him away most of every Saturday and away for weekends all over the world 8/10 times a year. Even when theyre in holiday he will find places to do the hobby, leaving MIL and DW to do childcare. (It's unclear why she still holidays with them despite her dislike).

He wfm and does a lot of school runs and his wife gets 2 evenings out a week for her own hobby, plus some weekends away, which DP thinks makes it all reasonable.

But, I can't help thinking MIL might have a point and I'm a little uneasy that DP can't see that.

That said, DP and I are never going to have DC (too old).

I can't see what you'd feel uneasy about. Don't give the people's daily routines any thought, they've arranged their lives just as they want it.

Of course. Their life is theirs. It's my DP's view that this is all because MIL is awful when she may have a point, that makes me uneasy

It depends entirely on what the DW thinks. If she's happy with their marriage then MIL's (and your) opinions are irrelevant.

Well both can be true. This man takes the piss re his hobby and his mother in law is a nasty person. You can discuss with dp what he thinks of the hobby, the MIL element can stay out of it as it's nothing to do with any of you.

You’re made uneasy that different people have different subjective opinions on a third party?

My DH goes to the football. A lot. Nearly every weekend, several weekends away a year, same as your DP’s friend. If we go away, he will occasionally find a football match to go to (e.g. If we’re in Barcelona he likes to attend a game). But also like your DP’s friend, he does a lot of child related stuff (probably 60% when he’s at home), I am free to go out whenever I want to, and have my own life and hobbies which although aren’t every weekend - they’re pretty regular.

It wouldn’t matter to me what my DM thought of my DH doing all of that, because I’m happy with our arrangement. So you and the MIL need to stop being so judgemental, because it’s really only his DW’s opinion that matters.

No I'm uneasy about what this says about his underlying attitudes

But the guy is his friend. He obviously hears about this conflict from his friend’s POV. Why would he give significant thought to to the opinion of someone hostile to his friend, and whom he has possibly never met?

I mean, we all hear our friends’ take on conflicts in which they’re involved, while being aware of the fact that other people involved may view things differently.

Truth is no one knows what actually is going on. Sounds like he doesn’t like her but wants her help so is ‘putting up with her’ (ungrateful), and your DH gets the brunt of his moaning about her as he can’t moan to his wife.

So both of them get time for themselves? He gets 'most of' a Saturday and she gets two evenings per week.

Plus they each have weekends away?

Struggling to see the issue.

If I had to share my precious holidays with my horrible MIL I too would leave them to it every now and then and go and do my own thing!

I'm always amazed at the number of secret 'hobbies' people seem to have that never get named. What the hell are they?!

If you were planning to have kids it would warrant a discussion about your own expectations but you’re not so does it matter? And even if mil disapproves it’s nothing to do with her, she can choose wether to babysit/go on holiday with them.

I'll wager he's a golfer. My late DH also used to be out every Saturday (and often Sunday) and went away a few times a year on golf weekends. He also played at local courses while on holiday. The difference in my scenario is that I never got chance to do my own hobby, or go away, and I never had anyone to help out with the kids on holiday.

To be honest, if my MIL kept coming on holiday then I'd find an excuse to bugger off too, because it sounds as though they don't like each other much. You and we don't know the full picture here, only what your DH is being told, but sounds as though his wife is getting lots of free time of her own, and he is helpful with school runs, so he can't be all bad.

Never take a man’s account of another man’s interpretation of what a woman (sounds like you have never met or spoken to) thinks as gospel.

Could it be H’s mate is trying to come across as a “bad boy” because flying off to golf all the time is just dreary and really he’s a hot shot rapper trapped in an average selfish man’s life?

Weird isn’t it. I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone use the term “hobby” except on Mumsnet.