Does sex matter that much? Is there ups and downs? Married - not had sex in 3 months I think

[pontipinemum]

I am married 7 years and we have 2 DC (aged 3 and 1). I have pretty much zero sex drive right now. I think it is because of the anti depressants I am still on since having sever PPD and I am slowly coming off them.

Since 2020 it was a whirl of TTC, miscarriages, pregnancy, breastfeeding, repeat. I weaned baby no 2 at Christmas. I work, husband farms. My mother is causing me a lot of stress (alcoholic in rehab for now). Until Dec I had also been at night college 2x a week.

We get into bed and I am just exhausted. I want to read my book for 10 minutes and sleep.

I don't refuse DH, and have said get the condoms, but then he doesn't. He is supposed to get a vasectomy but hasn't got around to it. Being pregnant again is something I am really anxious about. The only time he does seem to be motivated enough to is in the mornings when I can't relax because our 3yr old is liable to walk in at any point.

'Other' options just don't really appeal to me right now.

Is this normal in marriages? In general I think we are very happy together and do show affection in hugs/ kisses daily. I am fairly sure it is 90% me that is the issue

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2026/jan/16/is-your-relationship-sexual-desert-tips-spice-things-up

I read this really good article on the guardian on this topic.

I would say DH needs to sort the vasectomy asap and go from there. Kids will also be getting older and easier.

Of course you don’t want to have sex! Apart from being tired and the lack of sex drive due to the antidepressants he has refused to get condoms (because he does not want to use them) and is not interested in a vasectomy. If I were you I wouldn’t be going anywhere near him until he’s had the operation and he’s been given the all clear for no sperm.