Do we go to the party or not?

[NotSayingImBatman]

Yesterday, DS (11, autistic, attends a specialist school) brought home a party invitation from a friend for a party on Sunday. The invitation was a piece of card with the party details written entirely by the child, apart from the mum’s name and number which was written in adult handwriting.

I text the mum and told her we’d love to come but she hasn’t replied to confirm. I’ve asked DS, who has a history like all children of saying he’s been invited to things but not bringing home written invitations, and he says he didn’t ask the other boy to invite him, but the other boy did initially only offer a verbal invitation until DS said I wouldn’t allow him to go unless there was a written invitation.

So… if mum doesn’t come back to me to confirm, what do we do? Do we just show up? Or do I explain to DS that there’s actually another layer to invitations and we can’t just show up if our RSVP hasn’t been acknowledged?

In case it isn’t obvious, I am absolutely the heritable source of DS’s autism so any social guidance would be appreciated!

I would ask the mum a question so it’s more likely she will reply. If you just confirmed you could come she might not see a need to reply.

Ring the Mum and explain the situation.

Agree.

Oh bugger, I hate phoning people! The things I do for that child!

Ring her and double check, she will understand dont worry.

You don’t need to ring the mum (that’s quite alarmist frankly). Just send a follow up message and ask her to confirm the time and location as there is some confusion. If you don’t hear from her, I wouldn’t just turn up, no.

Since when do RSVPs need to be confirmed? That’s a weird attitude. It’s clearly an actual invitation, so why would you doubt that your ds’s invited? Just take him to the party.

She doesn’t need to confirm.
The norm is
party parents send invitation
invited guests reply yay or nay.

guests turn up.

"Sorry to be a pain, but would you mind just clarifying that the invitation was intended for DS? I was worried he had invited himself and your son snuck him an extra invitation (it's happened before!). Thank you! Assuming all is good, what is X into so we can choose a gift to bring?"

Think it's rude she didn't at least send a heart emoji or something. Unless of course she just missed it, we're all only human,

Just call her .

It would have been better to get a reply but if you’ve rsvp’d and have an invite you’re getting anxious over nothing

You have an invitation with her writing on it, it’s safe to believe it’s an actual invitation. Some people will acknowledge an RSVP, some won’t. She may also be an autistic parent of an autistic child and have her own understanding of social conventions.

Even on the off-chance that it wasn’t an intended invitation the likelihood that, in response to you texting again to check, this woman is actually going to reply “no, it was a mistake, your DS isn’t invited” is vanishingly unlikely.

She may have had 10 messages RSVPing! She can’t really answer them and if you didn’t ask a question why would you need a response.

Don’t ring her. If the invite has your son’s name on and the party details then you’re all good.

Sorry just seen you are autistic too. There would not normally need to be any response to an RSVP.

Some people may heart the message but doesn’t mean anything if they don’t. It’s all fine

Just to update — party mum text back yesterday afternoon and DS is currently shrieking in a field with his school chums so all’s well that ends well!

RSVP’s obviously need to be confirmed. Its right in the acronym.

The respondez refers to the person replying to the invitation not the receiver of the response

What do you think it means?

WhatsApp a photo of the invite and message her again and check if it's genuine (stating no problem if not) and free to go if it is. Thanks

No, they don’t. The recipient of the invitation is being asked to respond. She has. The end.