Is my school bully dead ?

[wavingfuriously]

Slandered and assaulted. back in the 70's, never confided in anyone.
Has affected me my whole life.

Not sure what the title or the post means, but I'm sorry to hear you've been bullied and assaulted and it's affected you so much.
Have they died? Do you feel closure if so?

Thanku i don't know whether they've died or not but remember my Dad saying years later 'well one day he'll go too far and that'll be that!' just thinking out loud and certainly hoping he's gone..

Been looking up obits and wading through school alumni but fruitless search so far..

Easier said than done, I know, but I'd try not to think about them so much (I say this as someone who was bullied in the 80s.)
What's it going to achieve? You're doing yourself no good wading through obituaries and school alumni to see if they have or not.
Give them the headspace they deserve (ie nothing) and try to move forward.

Have you ever talked to anyone about this OP?

He’s probably still alive, please get some therapy, this person should not still be living in your head.

Allowing someone from your past so much airtime in your head isn’t healthy.
He isn’t part of your life now so it’s irrelevant whether he is alive or not.

I was bullied in the 60s and it affects me to this day. I have no desire though to find out anything about them. I doubt they (two females) would have been affected the way I am, as they’ve probably never gave it a second thought. It does leave a mark OP. Definitely get some therapy.

I sympathise with the sentiment, OP. I wouldn't feel sorry to hear my bullies had died or had a horrendous life. I'm not looking for it though. Don't give it the headspace. Let them be dead to you. They are no longer part of your life.

I’m guessing the bully would be in their 50s so the odds are that he will still be alive.

I have an equivalent person that I can't help but hope came to some nasty end, makes me shudder remembering him. That said you have to really question whether this is good for you. Think of your own mental health here.

I’m sorry this happened to you, but it’s unhealthy to keep thinking about this person. Easier said than done, but you have to find a way to stop thinking about them and concentrating on your life. Therapy will help you find coping strategies.

In sorry you were bullied at school and sadly it happened to lots of us but as awful as the experience is , I would never wish someone dead for that .

I am sorry you had to go through that OP.
At their age it's unlikely that they are dead.

One of my school bullies is dead. He was absolutely vile to me, threatened to kill me and rape me (but then took that back and said I was too ugly to rape). He turned others against me too.

It hasn't affected my life to any great extent unlike yours has. I have been able to put it behind me but a couple of years ago I did think about him again and I googled him and discovered that he had died suddenly, aged 45. The obituary asked for donations to mental health charities. I drew my own conclusions as to how he might have died.
I could never excuse any of what he did or said to me and I got no sense of relief or satisfaction that he had died but it did make me see him slightly differently as someone who had probably had a lifelong struggle with mental health including during the time I knew him at school.

Thank you for all the replies, quite astounded at supportive generosity on here 👍 this individual would be age 66.
home alone atm with a bad cold and brooding about things. .my life hasn't been easy. just feel if that this individual still alive and living a good life there can't be any justice ! he was truly a nasty piece of work.

thank you 👍👍

I went to school with a nasty little shit who made everyone's life a misery.

They ended up in a youth detention centre for cutting someone with a knife.

However, they did turn their life around eventually and no-one I know has a bad word to say about them.

Even I think they're lovely and I used to hate their guts!

But ultimately, is there a therapist or someone you could see? It's horrible for you that they're still living rent-free in your head ❤

thing is the behaviour from this bastard happened in the sixth form when we were aged 17/18 and it wasn't in the playground aged 13 or something. in those days this particular slander was very serious..."why didn't you tell us !!!" from my parents years later. and physical assault to boot. If I thought telling the police was viable now I would do it...but probably wouldn't be taken seriously 😐

I'm sorry for what you went through, but hoping they're dead isn't the healthiest view to have imo. Granted they were nasty to you, but they are also still a human being and someone's child, sibling, spouse etc. If you do happen across their name in the obituaries one day, a wry smile will be okay, but don't go singing about it. It's just really bad taste.

There are sites that you can search for births/marriages deaths. Roots uk is one, its not free (you buy credits) and only goes to 2005.
There are others but I cant remember what they are called.
Some news sites have obituaries that have been put online. I found out my old boss had died about 15 years ago, I googled his name and town and it came up!!