First phone for dd, what do I need to restrict!

[RedMoon111]

Dd is in year 6 and I have agreed reluctantly to get her a phone. I've held out and apparently 'everyone ' has one.
I know she will want Snapchat which i know nothing about. Can I monitor this?
Are there apps that I can link our phones so I have to agree or restrict certain things?
Clueless here so any advice is appreciated!

This sounds really shallow but I dont want her to stand out in secondary school and be embarrassed that she doesn't have a smartphone! But I wouldn't let her go off and do whatever she wanted in real life because her friends were allowed either.

My DD is in YR5 and is desperate for a phone too. ‘ALL’ the kids have them (I know they don’t) her 4 bratty friends have them and that’s it.

Anyway, when it’s time for her to have one in year 6, there’s no way she will be getting Snapchat or group WhatsApp’s. Time on TikTok/fast moving reels/shorts will also be limited via family link. She can hate me forever but it rots their minds and they get addicted and the things they watch are not a true representation of actual life.

Please don’t give an 11 year old a smart phone and please for the love of god don’t sign her up for snap chat.
ita probably the worst move you could make as a parent.
hold out and she will thank you for it when she’s older.

https://www.smartphonefreechildhood.org/
Have a look through this website.
Our child is in year 6 and has the nokia 105. As does her cousin who is at secondary.

A few of her friends have smart phones but they are parents old phones and apps are disabled on their phones.

Edit. We also made rules for her ie no phone upstairs etc. Which we made her sign.

My DC are young adults now. They frequently tell me how grateful they are that I didnt allow them on social media under age.
She will survive the 'shame'

We gave my DD a phone last few weeks of primary. Google family link turned on, i hour access a day and no axcess between 9-7. She can't access internet (locked browser) but do allow to have WhatsApp. i don't love WhatsApp but it has really helped her stay in touch with friends, discuss plans for the weekend etc with her group on there. We check msgs regularly. Now she is at secondary i think she would really miss out without it. I also really like being able to track her through family link. Will just say all her friends who have brick phones find them really hard to use (they are the touch screen generation after all) and can get quite stressed when they want to use it urgently.

I think some of the smartphone-free people can be a little bit militant. I speak as someone with DC in Y9 and Y7, both of whom still just have brick phones. I have always kept my smartphone-free policy under review because whilst I have some hard limits (e.g. no social media, no snapchat, no front-facing camera) I am also aware of how important it is to fit in socially. I have always said to my kids that they will start secondary with brick phones. If their social lives are seriously limited by this because they are perceived as weird, I am open to reconsidering. In reality, they have both found friends who also don't have smartphones or who have them but aren't allowed social media, and it's been fine. My eldest actively doesn't want one now. But I would have been open to giving one and just blocking most things, so she at least had a phone that looked 'right'.

But I would say 100% no to snapchat, regardless of the risks to her social life. It's the wild west.

In terms of Snapchat maybe look at the ‘smartphone free childhood’ Instagram acc to see what an unused (so never clicked on to drive the algorithm) feed sends to a fictitious 14 year old girl. It really isn’t just a means of sharing pictures, it pushes content too even without any connections on there.

This sounds like a good compromise.

We gave DD my old iPhone at the start of Y6 with just texts, calls and some games. I removed Safari/internet browser. Any new apps have to be approved by me. Screen time limits in place. It worked well as a practice for secondary school.

She was allowed WhatsApp at the start of Y7 on the understanding that she could only share photos/videos with her best friend (both agreed not share further), no large groups or people we don’t know, and I regularly check the messages. Seems to working well so far although I despair slightly at the quality of some of the conversations…nonsense! 😂

I’m a hard no on social media until at least she reaches the age limit….and even then there is a good chance I won’t allow it….at the moment she knows better than to ask. Whilst I pay the phone bill it’ll be my rules!

Have you considered having a house smartphone, accompanied by a brick she can use to call or text you on when she's out? Honestly the whole, everyone else is doing it logic is hugely flawed. Also the tide is turning on this, I teach and I see more and more students each year who don't have a smartphone.