3 kids who have autism, a single parent and absolutely burned out.

[EitherTheTablesAreGoingToTurnOrImGoingToFlipThem]

Well 2 diagnosed, 1 on the way to being diagnosed.

Can't eat together because of misophonia, all on differing sleep schedules, oldest also has another disability that's developed in the last 5 years, one part time school, one school refuser, so a 2 hour battle every morning, and one who loves being at school and has a different club every day as well.

Dad fucked off years ago, no family at all, the only people I know are other parents of kids with autism so no help, and they, quite rightly, want a moan about how tough they have it, but never want to listen to me moan either.

I can't work because I'm at the school and appointments multiple times a week.

Trying to do an online degree atm but struggling due to the kids schedules and having no time to myself. Trying to start a little art business too (the only thing I'm actually good at) but I have no time to do anything due to constant interruptions.

There is no help, been waiting 5 years for a disability social worker and no end in sight for that either.

How much can one person take. There's no help, no light at the end of the tunnel and it's constant hard work 24/7.

I love the bones of my kids, I live for them and would die for them, but I can't even remember who I am anymore apart from Mum.

God you must be knackered, that sounds incredibly tough. All power to you for keeping up with the degree and art at all.

Nothing helpful to say - I know it doesn't help when people say 'good for you for marching on' when what choice is there? Still, your kids are lucky to have you and I would 💯 go to your art exhibition.

Hey op..SEN DC single muma no "village" here. It's so.full.on. I'm exhausted. I adore them and I am so thankful I have them equally I'm on my knees in terms of my energy and headspace.

Tough enough to be a single mother to three never mind the extra that SEN can bring . It seems unsustainable for you to maintain everything and be able to take care of yourself. No idea about social worker but can your GP , HV , school help. Hope someone comes on here with good ideas of how to get access to some real useful help.

You need to stand up to Children's services. I had to fight to get past the gatekeepers but then got support quite quickly. Do they have EHCP’s?

Is alternative provision in place for DC unable to attend school full-time? If not, on their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use.

Do DC have EHCPs? If so, have you requested early reviews?

If children’s services are dragging their heels, have you complained, asked for an independent review (that is mostly not that independent but is a stepping stone to the next step), then complained to the LGO? Depending on specifics, JR may be possible.

If you have to appeal the education side of DC’s EHCPs, you can ask SENDIST to also look at social care provision, getting an independent social worker assessment if necessary. And some social care provision is actually special educational provision so should be in F of an EHCP.

As well as social care assessments of DC’s needs by the CwD team, have you requested a carer’s assessment?

Also have a look at your local short breaks offer to see if there is anything suitable for DC there.

Thank you all for listening.

I'm in Scotland so no EHCP here, we have support plans through the schools and the schools are doing their best, the plan we have for older dc who is part time (due to her disability rather than her ASD) is part time school and part time home learning, we are in constant contact so I'm following the curriculum here too, her pain is too much to go to full time school.

I live in the absolute back of beyond as well so there just aren't the social workers, there are hundreds of us waiting and very few around. I'm sort of at the point where I don't know what they could do that I'm not already doing though.

We have respite funding available, but every bit of respite provision around here has been shut down, again there are hundreds of us in the same position.

The schools are really supportive and have helped me with complaints and letters and they do everything they can, and probably more than they are legally required to do, but it's like banging your head against a wall.

We muddle along, we have our routines and everything is aimed at keeping my home as chilled as possible to meet their needs, and it's OK most of the time now, but (this is so selfish) I'm a person too, and I need to have a second where I'm alone, or something isn't required of me. We can't go on holiday because the change is too much (learned that the hard way) someone in my home is awake every minute of the day, I'm either with a child or on my way to collect one permanently, even in the bath or the shower I have my youngest with me in the room usually because of attachment issues. I can't even wear perfume because of sensitivity to smells, and I love music but rarely listen to anything I like because the kids have super sensitive hearing and the music I like hurts their ears. I just feel like every bit of who I am has been chipped away and chipped away so all I am is a carer now.

Ex is happily married now and bringing up his wife's autistic son (he told me it was easier having one than 3) so that really pisses me off too.

Sorry for the moan, just feeling really down atm, I've felt like this before and pulled myself out, so I'm sure I will again. I'm just exhausted.

Your life sounds really tough - you can’t keep it up if you can’t replenish yourself. As you have funding for respite, would it be possible to arrange for live in carers to stay at yours whilst you have a night away sometime in the future? The staff would have to get to know the children well before you leave them in their care but as a future possibility it may be worth exploring?
Also, can you go back to your GP and be a regular patient in need? They will give some weight to you applications for support but need to be regularly reminded of your very difficult situation.

I can’t even imagine how exhausted you must be. Being a single parent is hard enough, but with three neurodivergent kids, you are doing a superhuman job. When I need just 15 minutes of quiet to breathe, I usually print out some sensory-friendly activities or visual puzzles. I found a great resource called worksheetzone that has tons of free printables—sometimes a simple coloring page or a matching game can keep them engaged long enough for you to have a hot cup of coffee. Please be kind to yourself, you're doing your best!

Hi op, re: never having your own music on, I hear you (no pun intended). I have one ear bud sometimes, so I sometimes have something on in my ear (BBC sounds in my case, that's not everyone's bag I know!!) which isn't low-sensory but only I can hear it, so it's not going to max out the DC and I can still hear them. Just a thought. I never get to pee/wash alone either so again, solidarity. It's my time of the month atm so that is extra super fun. I just need to curl up and feel sorry for myself but I can't!

I can't get out much bc my SEN dc cannot deal with noise, people, etc whereas I am naturally outgoing, I find it hard. I have a virtual SEN parent thing I am joining for some company. I missed the first one because....of having to manage sensory meltdowns. Oh the irony. However, just a suggestion, even if you are very rural, there might be something similar out there if it's something that might help you.

Hi OP. Also rural Scotland. I have two (1×ASD, 1xAudHD & both severe Dyslexia). One is 18, one is 21. Neither managing College/ work (both have been, but Autistic burn out atm) Dad is 8m away & retired but no help at all (never was). I am a Carer but a shell now. NO local help whatsoever. Its very hard yards x

I'm so sorry that some of you are also in this position 💐 its really crap and lonely.

I never actually thought about online support groups, I'm not on social media or anything but I might have a look and see what I can find.

Carers aren't really an option for me. I looked into it once and the only company here that does any kind of live in caring dont do it adhoc, they are really expensive, and, from what I can tell they pretty much exclusively employ teens or people who are in the job because they have been forced by the jobcentre (its a small world here) , Anything out of the ordinary results in a week or two of complete disregulation and its more trouble than it's worth. Everything in my home runs like clockwork and I have it all down to a fine art now, everything is scheduled and it works and I'm just not sure a little break for me is worth disrupting all that.

Back in the day I would be found in many a mosh pit, my kids don't really appreciate my screaming heavy music unfortunately, although The Wiggles (the kids choice of the moment, much better than the gatcha music phase, or the phase of one bloody song on repeat for hours) have some absolute bangers so it's not all bad I guess. I do have earbuds and do listen to my music sometimes, but there's nothing quite like blasting it out while you get on with the housework.

This morning I actually had about 30 minutes where everyone was asleep and I had a hot coffee in peace, and was able to just breathe for a bit without someone needing something, so I am feeling a bit better today.

Thanks for all the support, and I'm here to sympathise with those of you also in this position.

Single mum of 3 here too. Two diagnosed and one in the process. I'm "lucky" that I work part time too but that often feels like I'm hanging by a thread rushing to fit everything in and stressing about getting there. My oldest is an adult and helps me with the younger ones despite his own support needs, I'd never manage without him. I don't think people who have not been through this realise how relentless and exhausting it is and that you can't just <NT parenting thing> as it won't work.

It must be hard on your own I also have 3 children with Asd and one that has traits. I'm not on my own I have my husband and it's still hard work.
The hardest thing I find is living too a scedule I hate it I like to do things spare of the moment.

for me its easier solo in so much as I was carrying a deadweight xH and the physical work has eased up now I am not also picking up after a NT adult and trying to keep my kids regulated to fit their dad's demands for quiet. So for me personally the trade off for being alone anyway is worth it, as now I can just focus on their actual needs and make our day work for them. Would I love to go to panto at Christmas? yeahhhhh (they can't cope with even the SEN version, we tried once, never again) ...for me the lonliest thing is when a well meaning NT family suggests "oh have you tried gut flora/more discipline/finding a new bloke" like any of that would help. I am not being critical of their attempt at advice, I genuinely appreciate the thought, it's just there's a whole world that I am living which they are not, and if I could fix it with kale smoothies, I would.

I also yesterday got myself a thermal cup thing from Aldi. Game changer, my coffee is still hot, even if it was made at dawn.

Sending solidarity 💕 It’s incredibly hard and isolating being a single parent to SN kids. It sounds like you are doing a brilliant job under very difficult circumstances.

Do you have access to a garden? Could you create a little sensory sanctuary where you can escape to and your kids can explore? Or just somewhere for you to sit with a cuppa?

Respite - do your children qualify for any respite? Have you had a carers assessment?

National Autistic Society - have a look online, they may run free local activities for autistic children and their families.

Carers Centre-get in touch with your local carers centre for support.

Your children’s Dad - does he see his kids at all? Could he watch them in your house for an evening so you could have time to yourself? I’m sorry that he’s so shite!

Direct Payments-would your children be entitled to direct payments so you could hire a PA to take them out?

DLA-have you applied for DLA?

Sending hugs 🥰

I have 3 autistic kids too OP and am autistic myself.
Idk how old yours are, but in my experience, you have to cut out anything you can.
The school refuse - what's the goal?

I think school refusers tend to stay school refusers, because it's usually because school is a sensory nightmare and that is something that doesn't get better. Even Sen schools.

If I knew then what I know now, I think I would have not tortured myself and them. Is there a home Ed community where you are?

I can’t even imagine how hard your situation is and mine is not comparable really, but hopefully this might help. Sometimes, when I need to escape my children but I literally can’t escape from them, I let them watch tv/play screens in the living room and I will go in the kitchen with a pair of noise cancelling earbuds and listen to a podcast/album I love. Sometimes I pretend I’m doing dishes, cooking dinner.sometimes I really am doing those things.

our kitchen opens into our living room though, so I can see the kids through the door & know everybody is safe. And I am fortunate that they’ll sit and watch something for half an hour.

But the 30 mins of listening to something just for me is like a massive reset to my nervous system. I can’t express how much I need that sometimes.

Hope you can find 30 mins to do that. X