Forgetting about brooklyn for a second, have you ever had to go no contact with any family members? How did they go for you?

[RollOnSpring26]

Did you reconcile or was it the best thing you did

I've ben tempted to many times but I don't want to lose contact with other family members, so I suck it up ATM plus the person is elderly so I suppose I've gone low contact and distant
Shame but happier that way

I am in the strange position that I rarely if ever get questioned on why I’m NC with my family certainly not by people who know the full story.

I did a bit of a Brooklyn early on because people who didn’t know the story would ask how are you family getting on and that has basically killed that as an issue.

My family situation is extreme though not the emotional neglect and shilling out of kids to feed your ego that BB had.

I do however recognise the narrative control and feelings of disconnect that BB speaks of but there was serious abuse and serious enabling of the status quo in my situation which clarified that NC was the best option.

I’m NC with mother since 2013. Best thing I ever did for myself. Not a single regret.

N/C with Sil and Bil because of domineering bullying behaviour trying to get us to take over Fil care after they had bled him dry after being in N/C with us for five years. No chance.

All of my siblings stopped speaking to each other many years ago, due to our dreadful parents. Someone upthread mentioned that she feels some envy when people speak positively of their relations with siblings and I really get that. I don't want to know my siblings because they're horrible, but I do occasionally feel envious when people have normal siblings and speak casually of the nice times they all have together. Unfortunately, that was never going to happen with me and mine. Autism is a factor, but it's other stuff too.

Went NC with my father 6 years ago and my mother 18 months ago. Best thing I ever did.

I lost contact with my brother for a while but we've reconciled and have a great relationship.
My sister still has a relationship with both parents; we speak but I keep a distance because she can be flying monkey-ish.

I cut contact with abusive father years ago and brothers about 15 years ago. Father dead now thank god. In the more distant family I am seen as the trouble maker which is hilarious as I could blow all their lives apart if I told even half the things that happened to me. I decided to walk away was the better option.

Our DD has cut contact with us it seems.
NC since boxing day.
I can't say I am surprised. DH is devastated, but I am more pragmatic.

Removed duplicate

NC with my parents. My adult children are also NC, as is my brother and his family.

Best decision I ever made. I don't miss them (which says something about the relationship, I think) although I sometimes miss the relationship I wish that we had.

DH went no contact with his parents for a number of years, issues that had been there since childhood. Worked fine for us tbh. Now reconciled but it’s very casual, we see them very infrequently which suits us fine as there’s really no relationship there and kids don’t bother with them much at all, they don’t consider them as “grandparents”.

I went NC with DM for a while but that’s after my now ExH poisoning my mind against her. He’s gone, and I have a good relationship with my mum now.

NC with sibling, their choice, so has nothing to do with me or our parents. Actually somewhat a relief. I’m always cautious of tales of people going NC with family of origin, because we only get one side, like B.B. in our case, my sibling was an arse. We both got treated and brought up the same, taught respect, discipline, but very fair. Never pressured with regard to school results, always supported in any choice we make (as long as not doing harm!!), my sibling was in fact given more leniency than me in terms of they’d behave badly and my parents would express disappointment etc but given more chances. E.g would break a toy in anger but given a replacement after being told off so they didn’t lose out. Financially supported well into adulthood and in return treated our parents appallingly and upon going NC decided to announce on social media our parents had been abusive when in fact we had all endured years of walking on eggshells around said sibling while living under the same roof. So sibling is NC for reasons they’ve concocted in their mind and it suits us fine. I’m sure someone will come along to tell me I’m wrong and they genuinely experienced a crap upbringing to create this situation but hand on heart my sibling was selfish, took everyone for granted and it was only when my parents finally decided in siblings mid twenties to stop pandering that sibling announced going NC. In fact it was a parent finally refusing to play taxi to drunken sibling in the middle of the night AGAIN that triggered the NC. After years of being taxi because sibling knew parent would come get them instead of being responsible and getting bus/taxi home. In any other relationship e.g romantic, or friendship, we’d be told this person was abusive but when it’s a parent/child relationship it’s much harder to see what’s going on.

I've been nc with my family for about 15 years

It's not a decision I made lightly-it was death by a million cuts

My parents lost 3 babies to stillbirth and where desperate for dc

I came along (the only girl) and from the day I was born,she made me the scapegoat

They went on to have 3 more babies (last are twins) and one is the glass child (ignored) the golden child (can do no wrong) and the lesser golden child (can do no wrong but will take the golden child's side if there is a row between them)

She rinsed me financially (I was a skint single mum on benefits) and stole thousands of pounds from me

It all came to a head and I walked away-i felt I needed space and time away from them-it walked away with nothing

She shrugged and laughed saying 'she'll need me before I need her'

this was a woman who dumped me onto my darling grandad from a young age and gave up on me completely when he died-ive supported myself from a very young age and brought myself up-i was thrown out as soon as the child benefit ran out (i never saw a penny of it) and was never welcome back,not even for a night-my 41 year old golden child brother still lives with her and she pays his way,pays for holidays and his drugs)

The smear campaign started immediately,the flying monkeys came out and together they are one voice,trying their hardest to pull me down

I met dp not long after (they've never met him) and they've tagged him into their smear campaign

We moved away and they are still at it

People/family members who have known me my whole life believe the bullshit and refuse to see that nobody would walk away from a loving family just to prove a point

They would laugh if I died,they want to erase me from the family (I exist only to take all the blame) and all of life's problems would disappear if I wasn't around/alive

They have tried to get my brother to 'make it up' with me ('I've really missed you!I miss my big sister!') and when I said I didnt miss him or them,the smear campaign really went to town

Honest to god,it's one voice and they are like a tiny cult-all competing with each other for the approval of the leader (my mother)

Im best out and living life with dp many miles away

Im the smear on their 'perfect family' image

@RollOnSpring26 agree.

Luckily my dp were amazing ,always put us first totally adored us etc .we have trauma on other things .
I know a world existed of people have babies they didn't want can't care for etc but I never knew a world of total coldness inspire of basic needs being met until I met my pils.
I've never known such cold cold hard nasty people who pretend to care but don't.
It was a real head duck for several years and I don't understand what's going on

I went NC with my narcissistic, manipulative, abusive brother who later died as a result of some of his stupid/destructive life choices. The only thing I regret is not doing it earlier and I often think it would have been better for me if I'd also cut contact with other family members who excused/denied his behaviour.
However, he and other family members did not make it easy for me. I was not prepared for the extent to which my parents and other sibling would deny and excuse his behaviour (including outright denial of specific events that they all witnessed) and blame me for ruining the wonderful, close knit family that they wanted us to be. Nor did I expect the constant emotional blackmail to keep up the pretence that brother was the victim; it was more subtle than this but essentially their stance was my selfish and unreasonable decision cause unimaginable upset to our parents so the least I could do was let them control the narrative to extended family and friends so they didn't have the added upset of people gossiping about my 'lies'. Like most cases, the decision to go NC came as a result of numerous incidents of a long time so it was easy to tell extended family just about 'the straw that broke the camel's back' and not the years of much worse behaviour. I also had to find a way to explain it to my DC a long time before they were really old enough to understand as my family frequently 'just happened' to mention brother and how amazing he is/was, or when the DC were over they just 'came across' family photos of us all. Naturally, our DC wanted to know why they didn't meet this incredibly kind, funny, talented man.
At the time, I mentioned going NC to a small number of friends and absolutely all of them tried to persuade me that I should try to work things out/consider whether brother needed help etc. They all said 'but he's family' and couldn't really get their heads around what appeared to be a nice, middle class family actually being so dysfunctional that I needed to cut contact.

15 years for me. My brother went NC too. We had a meet up in this time and compared notes. Apparently my mum told everyone I’d “run off with a coke head” 😅 rather than admit she was violent and manipulative so I presume any extended family think I’m in a gutter somewhere.

Also, the impact of long term emotional abuse has only comparatively recently been understood.

You often hear people say "Only selfish people go NC with their parents" but acknowledge that they understand it if there is actual abuse" but by "actual" abuse they tend to mean physical or sexual.

It's very hard to explain emotional abuse as just one instance sounds like nothing - it's the continued and relentless nature of it that makes it so difficult to live with.

I was in my mid 40s and had a breakdown due to my very controlling narcissistic mother.
I went NC and never regretted it.

That is less than a month. She may just be busy!

I am NC with my so-called dad's (he was abusive; thank goodness he died, or we would have been even more dysfunctional) side of the family. We saw them sometimes growing up, but... well, as they didn't make much effort with me as a child, why should I bother with them as an adult? My sibling sounds like they keep in touch. Someone tried adding me as a friend on social media. It was the final push that I needed to delete my account! My mother tried cutting contact, but they kept broaching it, and she is too polite to push back.

My mother pines for children that are close. Sorry, but two of the three things that we have in common are that we have the same parents, and the same eye colour. Other than that, we're complete opposites, and they spent my childhood putting me down. We got on better when they moved out... and by that, I mean, we could have very polite conversations like you do with strangers. We now see each other maybe once a year at most. Perhaps they find my 'weirdness' more tolerable in small doses, too! If being weird means being happier, then I am all for it.

You do get people trying to guilt-trip you for it, because "they're family", but realistically... if we weren't related, we probably wouldn't even acknowledge each other's existence. Quite frankly, it is a relief not to have to deal with them anymore.

Yes and it’s been so so painful. It’s only been a year but I constantly question whether I have done the right thing

I haven’t spoken to any members of my family for 20 years (admittedly, there are only three of them). I think one of them has died. My life has been immeasurably improved and I have no regrets.

@TheeNotoriousPIG

"we could have very polite conversations like you do with strangers"

Yes, similar here. It took me 25 years to undo the damage my dysfunctional parents and resentful older siblings did to my social skills and I'm still a social recluse, but I'm actually not completely "NC" with anyone in my family - if they text me (it rarely happens) I text something polite and meaningless back. I now have no feelings for them whatsoever. They are just people I know.

It's so odd when I watch TV (for example) and someone cries because their mum is dying (for example) and I just think: Huh, what's the matter? And then I remember that this is probably not normal.😄

Not non contact:-

Divorced parents
Limited contact/absent
Ad-hoc contact - always initiated my me

(D)F died three days ago

I am still trying to work out how I feel.

how do you feel about it ?