What am I doing - has anybody else experienced this? (May be a form of stimming?)

[finbow]

What is this - you stiffen your whole body, to have a vivid, motion picture sort of experience in your head of something that is satisfying, like artwork or washing on the line… You’re blocking everything else except for that one thing that gets the spotlight. Usually happens when excited about something in front of you. You stiffen the body, clench your jaw, hands could shake with stretched fingers if not tucked underarms.

I’ve always done this and remember being ridiculed as a child for it (so learned to tuck my shaking hands under my arms as it’s the biggest giveaway). I guess people perceived it as a form of stimming before we knew of stimming as such. It’s involuntary although able to hide better when grown up. It’s like my imagination’s hyper mode is switched on. Takes seconds, I guess. Not known neurodiversity.

Anyone ever experienced similar or am I just weird?

I have never heard of this but from a google it sounds a bit like a form of minor epileptic seizure. Google “ictal hallucinations” and see if it fits? Not wishing to scare you!

My husband and son are mad stimmers but it’s mainly verbal repetitions and tics…. My son still flaps though when excited which is quite sweet. He’s autistic. Husband adhd

Like some very small children do when they get excited. Sort of go rigid and kind of vibrate.
Can’t say I’ve ever really seen in it older children or adults.

Thanks @minipieIve just had a look. It’s not that. I’ve been struggling to word it because I’ve never come across anybody else experiencing it, or in literature.

The focus is on something real in front of me. Usually something positive - like all the pictures i used to draw as a child and they would just come alive in my head for a few secs while my body is stiffened and shaking. That sort of thing.

Yes! It happens as an adult to me still but very under control - not in front of others.

DH does something similar, usually when England score a goal. I can see him building up to it as they get closer to the goal and then he gets over excited when they score.

He looks temporarily frozen and then he goes manicly fast, rubbing his fingers together on his head. I've been married to him for over 25 years and I'm only just realising that he's probably mildly autistic.

Thanks - it’s over excitement, yes.
Does he have other traits that make you think that?

Ah, over stimulation makes sense - do u get it when under stimulated ??
I have body focused repetitive behaviours and do it when over / under stimulated!!

My babies used to do this when getting excited for the next mouthful of food, jazz hands, squealing, rigid body. Like that?!

I think it’s only when something is highly satisfying.

Yes! It happens when I am feeling satisfied and things get vivid in my mind.
No squealing, but rigid and vibrating is a good description!
Never really outgrew it- just learned to hide it.

Never come across this but it sounds a bit orgasmic - like you're so visually stimulated it's giving you this physical ecstasy response. Sure there'll be a more technical/less sexy explanation, but it sounds good - enjoy it!

It sounds great! Though I get why youd want to make it 'unobvious'.

Maybe in days gone by youd have been thought of as having some kind of special spiritual connection with the world - like Julian of Norwich, perhaps (a very spiritual medieval nun/abess I think?)

PS - have you ever been tempted to make art to communicate your delight and pleasure in what you're seeing?

Haha! So it’s different because it doesn’t feel like a release. There’s a sensation of pressure in my head. That’s why I guess it lasts only a few secs at a time. You immerse yourself in something but you strain yourself to do so.

thats interesting

have you ever thought of reaching out to a neuroscience researcher? I’m not sure WHICH specific research area you’d fall into, but I’m sure someone would’ve interested - as it sounds involuntary?

UCL have a tonne of interesting research around things like synesthesia, aphantasia etc- might be worth looking into if you’re interested to know more about why you do it!

Ooh, I’d actually love that. I’ll try and find out if anyone is interested - thank you

My sister used to do this as a child. You've described it very well.