Screen time, how to manage and communicate this with Year 1 age boy

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My son is 5.5 / Year 1. He has never been a big screen addict as he is really active so we end up being out all weekend doing sports / activities etc. and our normal routine involves coming home and maybe having an hour or so of family tv like strictly, a family movie, or cartoons at the end of the day, or just playing a board game.

He has a tablet (fire) but it’s only used for long car journeys and travel and isn’t that into it normally.

Anyway over Christmas all this has changed… he’s started watching Mr Beast on the tv (Amazon). I’m not that comfortable with it as he seems to be a YouTuber who also has tv shows. A lot of his stuff is apparently philanthropic but equally it’s very materialistic and fast paced. I allowed it a bit over the holidays as we had a few days in the home and were less active than normal, and did indulgent things we don’t normally do, plus I made sure to watch it with him.

Since going back to school however he’s started rushing home to watch it, and at breakfast time choosing Mr Beast again! This cannot continue but I’m planning how best to frame it with him so he doesn’t feel his fun has been unfairly curtailed.

For context we live in a small apartment where the kitchen / living area are combined so the tv is in the only living space and easy to switch on. I can’t ban tv altogether and don’t really want to.

Before all this I didn’t mind him having a few cartoons or a bit of CBBC for half an hour while he ate his breakfast.

I know I can just get rid of his access to Amazon on the tv, put a PIN code on everything, but I was interested more broadly how people manage discussion about screen time for this age? We’ve never had to think about it because he’s never been that into it- until now! He’s not allowed YouTube and we don’t have it in our home, but somehow he’s managed to find the nearest thing to YouTube on the tv!

At the same time how has anyone communicated a ban on this stuff to their kid? From DS perspective it’s just fun (lots of explosions, fast cars, silly stunts etc) and he will not understand why he’s not allowed it.

I want to be authoritative but fair and not authoritarian which will make him feel frustrated and not help the relationship. He feels he’s discovered a new fun thing. Maybe I’m overthinking it and it’s actually fine but I don’t like it….

Any advice please?

At 5.5, unless he has any developmental delays, he’s old enough to understand limits. In the same way that you will limit sweet treats etc.

Just set the expectation now - no Mr Beast in a morning, only Numberblocks or whatever you choose, and you get 30/60 minutes of free time after school.

I don't blame you for wanting to curtail this - my dd is that age and watches things like Octonauts. Mr Beast is too grown up for a 5yo in my opinion.

I think the best thing is often distraction - get some other new toys that he loves and suggest playing with those.

Another thing is take him to the optician. They said my dd was borderline needing glasses due to all the TV she had been watching. She took that really seriously and we've reduced it from there without it being all my idea iyswim

Mine always had to ask permission before putting the TV on or watching screens.
Then it's a simple, no do some drawing/play with Lego/tell me about your day instead. Or if you are ok with watching, just give a choice of things to watch - it's a simple you either watch x, y or z or you find something else to do.

I would remove the tablet and keep it for car journeys only.

I don't understand why parents seem so reluctant to say no to their kids these days.

He is 5.5. Old enough to understand you set the rules and to accept it. If not then no screentime/tv.

Or it's how it works here. I am the grown up and makes these decisions.

I don't understand why parents seem so reluctant to say no to their kids these days.

Don't you?

It's not just a case of saying no. The child will plead, wheedle, escalating to crying and wailing and making our lives an absolute misery with the shrill incessant demands. Multiply this with every micro interaction in the day. Get dressed for school. No you can't have an ice cream. Time to brush your teeth.

We pick our battles for our own sanity. Sometimes the TV is the least of the unreasonable demands.

I'm guessing your children are older and you've forgotten what it's like.

I do say no quite a lot. Sometimes I have to be firm and raise my voice. But I'm considered a lot less "gentle" than other parents. We can't win.

Teach your children not to act up and don't reward this behavior.

My youngest is in early secondary school and we still sometimes simply turn off the WiFi if she doesn't respect a no.

She has lots of crafts, books, boardgames, clubs to attend and a pet. Lots to do instead of crying over a no to screentime.

Sometimes I go down the route of least conflict - in this case I’d probably put a PIN on the channel and say “oh dear, they must have changed it, we don’t have that one any more”. And hope he forgot about it.

I have a DC the same age and we set parameters generally, eg he is only allowed certain things at weekends, but like yours, he isn’t obsessive about screen time.

In my experience, children who behave as you have described do so because they have learned that when they use those tactics, their parents generally give in to them for a quiet life. It’s learned behaviour.
The clearer your message is as a parent, the better it is for a child to understand and accept.

”we don’t have TV on in the morning anymore before school”
”no more Mr Beast - it is not appropriate for children of your age”
”you can watch 30 minutes of X or Y, which should I put on for you?”

If any instruction is met with an inappropriate response, ignore, ignore, ignore. When an instruction is complied with, praise, praise, praise.

I wouldn’t even explain it in depth, just a “no we’ll have the tv on after school” then talk something else. Sitting down and explaining only gives a child that age room to whine and complained, just change the habits without highlighting it.

Put a PIN on now. Then there will be fewer arguments in the future about age appropriate.

In terms of discussion at that age, I feel it's easier to take a blanket approach. eg No screen before school. It seems you have suddenly got to he's watching before school, racing home to watch more after school and screen in the car on journeys. When he does have screen time give him a couple of channels he can pick from freely such as CBBC or Disney so he still gets to choose. Explain some programmes are for adults and older children only.

You can change the settings on the Amazon fire, we have it too. You can set a time limit of 30mins per day plus delete the you tube app and set age limit for only showing things for age 5 and below. When I did this my child couldn’t see me beast anymore.

This.

Use it as a reward if you must - an hour on a weekend when all chores / homework etc is done. But don’t make it a habit.

My rule was always if they moan, it shows they’re not mature enough to handle it, so it goes off for longer / completely.
Still use that tactic for preteens watching Traitors - if you can’t agree on staying quiet / where to sit etc then I’m not watching it with you & you’re going to bed. But you HAVE to follow through. Year 1/2 is really where they’re going from little & cute into proper children who need to learn behaviour standards to succeed in the world

Yes, they are young adults now, but of course I remember them at that stage.
They knew that 'no' meant no.
Any whining etc got them nowhere. And if they took it too far, they were likely to lose out on everything on offer.

Most young parents seem to follow gentle parenting today.

I am not convinced it's always better for the children than parents standing their grounds with a no.

Thank you, I know.

I was replying to the faux-astonished "whyyyyy is it so hard to say no to children????"

I say no. I explained why it is hard.

My kids aren't allowed tv on a school morning. They listen to the radio. I don't see the issue with Mr Beast in the evening. My kids know they have to do homework first. Then they get aTV time. TV goes off at 6.30. They do a craft in the evening from 6.30 to bedtime. On Friday and Saturday things are much more relaxed. I don't mind them watch stuff if we are home.

If you read my OP you’ll see that he doesn’t have a tablet except for long car journeys.

I also said I’m fully planning to remove Mr Beast but looking for the best way of communicating.

Thanks for the thoughts. For the avoidance of doubt I’m not questioning whether to set boundaries, I’m just asking for ideas / experiences on how best to do it.

Examples, I could say:
no Mr Beast again, it’s blocked (though he won’t understand why)
or switch off Amazon and say it’s gone
or set a time limit after which tv goes off

To the parent of the 5 year old above still watching the Octonauts, are they in Year 1? In my experience since Year 1 none of the boys care about CBeebies content anymore. We are firmly in CBBC territory and I am fine with everything on there. Mr Beast is too much though.

At that age one of ours was watching far too much TV. We framed it as she was now old enough to monitor her own screen time. She could have (2 hours a day but I imagine you'd want to choose a shorter time) watching whatever she liked but she was responsible for setting the timer and stopping when the timer went off. Failing to do this means no more screen time that day.
We also have no screens before being fully ready to leave for school and no screens at mealtimes. TV programmes need to be available on her age profile for BBC or Amazon, for her to be allowed to watch. Is Mr Beast available on a 5 year olds Amazon profile?
I'd frame it as getting older, choosing how to spend screen time, getting a budget.

Yes my 5yo is in year 1... I don't know exactly what all her friends watch but I know generally they're into all the usual Disney type stuff. Gabby's dollhouse and that sort of thing.

They're 5, they're definitely not too old for children's TV.

Ah ok, she’s a she. Not to gender it too much but I’m going to. The boys are so different at this age (in my experience in DS school). You can see it at parties and in chatting to other parents. The girls are so much calmer (and more mature) in general and boys so much more energetic and frankly silly (completely normal from my reading) - not everyone of course but in general. So I think this feeds into the types of tv they like.

I have two girls year 1 and year 2. Rather than focusing on the show itself, we focus on what's appropriate and inappropriate. My daughters know what they can and can't watch. They are responsible. They understand that swearing, violence, and rudeness are unacceptable and will change the channel. I can't always be in the room to supervise. Everyone has different boundaries. I don't really have an issue with Mr Beast. I know my daughter likes it, so I've watched it in advance to check it's okay. There are some things on CBBC that I would absolutely vito because the topics are too mature.

I can’t comment on the Mr Beast programme but some battles with my kids were won by creating routines. For example if we are at the shops on a Friday then I will buy sweets. If it’s another day then I will not buy sweets. Screen time was part of their after school routine then switched off.

I think that you need to decide if watching Mr Beast is ok or not. Would you rather he watch a variety of programmes or Mr Beast less?

Kids understand that some things are for older people. For example coffee is for adults and he can’t go out alone until he’s much older. He might know that you like watching scary films without him etc Is there an age where you think Mr Beast would be ok? For example you might have a rule that hr cat watch the Spiderman movie until he’s 10.

I think my issues with Mr Beast are:
it’s like a YouTube video in its editing and presentation - so really fast paced, lots of shouting and exclaiming and lots of “shock” moments - it feels like it’s not good for his ability to hold attention, that it moves really fast paced like YouTube does, and that it’s over-stimulating and doesn’t help him feel calm / regulated.

secondly, although they say Mr B is a philanthropist who gives away money, I feel its message is that money and fame are important and easy to achieve.
Theres a lot of sports cars getting trashed, super yachts, super high end luxury experiences etc.