Anyone feel like giving me some motivational lifestyle advice?

[catsonthebed]

Really it's probably a kick up the backside that I need... but has anyone got any words of wisdom they'd like to pass on to me? SERIOUSLY lacking in motivation to do anything. I WFH, for myself, by myself, in my grotty house. Financially the pressure isn't big as we get by ok without me earning a lot (we're both tightarses and the kids don't have expensive tastes). I want to do my work, but day after day I just sit and stare at the screen/social media/news/timewasting sites. I installed a blocker on my computer so I just pace about, eat and make tea instead. Just find it so impossible to motivate myself to do my work. Or to get up and exercise. Or to do anything at all useful really. Its like I can't enjoy myself because I should be working, but I cant work either.

What I'd love is to hear what helps others stay motivated to get on with stuff! There's a load of things I'd like to do, I just can't seem to do them! I'm completely aware of the priviledge of not NEEDING to earn loads, but even with all the gratitude in the world for my situation and checking my priviledge etc etc I still want to make something good with my life, so any tips welcome - do people have phone apps that scream at them? Set alarms? Anything else? Thanks!

Are you happy? Or are you looking to be prodded into living? You sound like you’re existing (but maybe that’s ok?)
Theres nothing anyone can say or do that will spark any kind of drive if you’re happy with where you are

I'm not really happy with myself, no. My job used to be something I loved and that motivated me, but even though I know I loved it for a long time, and when I get into it I still love it, I find it really difficult now to sit down, focus and get on with it, like I'm really battling a part of me that just doesn't want to do it. Part of the problem is that it is work thats quite immersive and I'm the default homeparent. And I love loads of things (exercise, gardening, creative stuff) that I just cant bring myself to do. Sort of like I spend my day arguing with a concrete block inside myself, if you see what I mean...

Are you social person? Are you missing company? IWFH and find it difficult to motivate myself when I’m not having face-to-face human contact. I find it much easier to knuckle down if I engage with a few people - and I engineer this by stopping in at the butcher, going to a Pilates group, and even just asking someone on the till in a shop how their day is going. Is there some way you can do that on the school run, or head out to a coffee shop or something similar? Certainly it sounds like injecting some kind of change - people, environment, habits - will help lift you out of your rut.

I live alone and WFH.

I use a website called Focus Mate which is body doubling, highly recommend. I also have to go to the office, if I didn't have to do that then I'd rent a desk space two days a week.

I also have a timer that I turn over, and a multicolour large digital clock on my desk on my eyeline.

Lie to yourself that you are going to do five minutes then you can stop - you never do stop as you get into it.

Also caffeine and snacks used strategically.

A mid week reward.

Discipline not motivation. Motivation is a feeling that comes and goes. Discipline is a habit and a choice. It's doing what you need to do to get where you want to be even if you don't feel like. Discipline creates consistency and consistency creates results.

For example I'm a runner now after doing fuck all exercise for years. It's a non negotiable in my life. I run 4 times a week at least 50km a week even when I don't feel like it. I've created these rules for myself and force myself to do it. Now 2 years on I just do it, good runs, bad runs it doesnt matter I just go out, put the time in and get it done. 95% of the time I feel better for having done it but if I relied on feelings to get me out the door I'd probably only go 20% of the time.

I think maybe it’s both discipline and motivation, but also routine. Find some good habits that you just knuckle down and do however much you’d rather not. Don’t expect to enjoy them at first, that comes later, often as you find relationships, community and a shared history. If they are social and require some sort of commitment, so much the better. Once they’ve become a routine, you stop thinking about not doing them as an option. Yours will of course be different, but mine are things like my weekly choir rehearsal (I sometimes have to drag my sorry arse out of the house on a cold, wet evening, but I know I’ll come home full of joy), my weekly French lesson (takes up a lunch hour on Zoom once a week, without fail.) and meeting a friend to play weekly Padel (we are so bad at it, we make ourselves and our much older, nimbler opponents laugh). I’m also a charity trustee. Again, if rather be on the sofa watching reruns of the X Files, but once a month I catch the train into Central london for a trustees meeting, feel involved and useful and come home feeling a bit better.

It’s so hard to get out of a funk. For many people, it’s about finding meaningful connections (as opposed to the less meaningful ones social media gives us) But I think just turning up each week (don’t expect to enjoy it at first) can solve a lot.

The only way to feel better about not having done some work is to do the work. Even if you don't want to - in fact, especially if you don't want to.

It sounds like it may not be the right work for you any more, though. Could you find a related job that is more interactive with other people and deadlines?

What if you worked smarter, sounds like you are sitting there full time doing very little and if you decided to just work half days then you'd have a motivation to get it done and log off. Then you can do other activities in the afternoon, in a structured way without guilt.

Thanks all for your wise words. THere's something in every post here that will help me. Discipline definitely is lacking! And absolutely routine. I think motivation only really comes for me when I'm happy with myself, if I feel bad about myself I don't have motivation to improve, which I don't really understand but I think I should just accept it and work on that basis. Really appreciate all of your comments, thanks for taking to time to reply to my moan!