I seem to have casuse a bit of drama

[Mirrorx]

But I've no idea what I did.

I'm a member of a club, have been for more than 20 years. Every now and again someone or a few people get upset over something and leave, I think that happens with most clubs?

Sometimes I've been aware of what's gone on, only once was I involved, and in hindsight, whilst I don't think I was wrong (I was sticking up for someone who'd been bullied), I could have handled it better, but that was nearly 20 years ago and I've mellowed a lot.

Two members (a couple) have just announced they're leaving. They got together at the club and I've known them both seperately for about 8 years. We've never been close, but have chatted and trained with them both over the years. I thought we had a normal friendly relationship. 200 plus members, so you can't be besties with everyone.

I have no official role at the club, but am a regular volunteer and sometimes organise social things. Whilst I'm not on the committee, I guess I'm a fairly high profile member.

Anyway they're both telling anyone who asks them that they're going because I've been horrible to her.

I really have no clue what I've done. I don't remember any conversation that went beyond a bit of small talk and I've never had enough knowledge about or interest in her or them to have engaged in any gossip. She's done very well at the sport and I think I've always been supportive and offered suitable congratulations, even/especially when she beats me.

There's obviously something, but I really don't know what it is. They're either not saying what it is or no one wants to tell me.

I'd like to know because I'm im sure it's a misunderstanding we could sort out. I've never had a single malicious thought about either of them.

Simply talk to each of these people and ask them exactly why they've left and that you feel blamed.

You genuinely can’t think of one thing it might be, even if it’s something that might have been taken out of context or a misunderstanding?

No that's the thing. Usually when you upset someone you know why, even if they've taken something the wrong way, but I can't even think of any occasion when that might have happened.

The only thing that has crossed my mind is that before they got together he was long term single with no family, and lived alone with his dogs. There was a period of a few weeks when one of the dogs was very unwell. I bumped into him when he was clearly upset about it, so over the next few weeks I messaged him fairly regularly (a couple of times a week) to see how he and it was doing and to offer company or practical support.

I thought he was alone with his fears, but it's possible they were already together then and she thinks I over stepped, but if they were, it wasn't public knowledge, I didn't know and I was genuinely just trying to be a supportive clubmate at a horrible time.

It all seems a bit ridiculous if that is what it was, but I can't think of any other time I've had much at all to with either of them. It also must be about 18 months ago.

So ask them? In a friendly nonconfontational way of course!

Presumably this is being reported back to you by other members? Perhaps you have been mixed up with someone else with a similar name? If it's bothering you I would contact them both and ask what you have done to upset them but if it feels like something about nothing I might just let it go.

Just ask them!!

Speak to the Chair, explain what's happening and get them to ask what the problem is.

Having said that, I reckon that maybe he fancies you and she's got wind of it (or she thinks you've got your eye on him). She's given him an ultimatum and said they have to leave the club, and now they are painting you in a bad light with the other members.

I think you've probably hit the nail on the head OP. Your interactions regarding the dog probably gave the bloke the impression you fancied him. I mean, it doesn't take much for male egos to jump to that conclusion! His partner has now got wind of it, or maybe he said something overly complimentary about you. If this is the case then I don't think she'll be open to any reasonable narrative. Just let them leave. Of course that doesn't resolve the damage they've done behind your back but you could have a word with the Chair if you have one.

Ask them to clarify why they are slagging you off to others. If its something they have fabricated send them a letter telling them to stop spreading untruths or you will be speaking to a solicitor

I would probably mention it to the senior member of the club/committee and see what they have to say.

It's a bit strange if they have been there a long time and suddenly decided to leave. It's also a bit strange to "announce leaving" of a club like it is some sort of massive event that drags on over several weeks. I guess it's polite to say some friendly goodbyes if you put a lot of time in, but if there are any people there that they are really socially close to then they will probably keep in touch with them after they leave anyway.

My guess is that how it is received socially in the club will very much depend on your current reputation within the club. If you have a reputation for being friendly, easy going and not causing any issues then you will probably be fine. If you have something of a rep for causing or involving yourself in drama then probably that will reflect on how these claims are received by others within the club.

I've been a member of a club like that myself (I am guessing running/cycling/athletics) and with so many members they do tend to get a bit cliquey and if you are a bit of a loner (I was) it's easy to get singled out by someone who isn't entirely happy with their lives.

In such large clubs as in other areas of life such as the workplace you can't really expect everyone to like you.