How to deal with a child that walks at a glacial pace?

[TheSlothChild]

I think I’m finally at my wits end after the school run this morning. My son is 5 and walks at a glacial pace pretty much everywhere. It isn’t that he can’t walk faster, he just doesn’t. It’s also not that I’m walking fast, I’m happy to take a fairly gentle amble when with him.

He likes to hold hands but no matter how slowly I walk to try and keep pace, he just slows down more. He then ends up pulling my arm the whole time. I’ve got home this morning and my shoulder and arm are actually aching from the half mile walk. I’ve tried letting go of his hand when he pulls and explaining why. This upsets him which I can tolerate if it was working but it isn’t. Also the pulling is usually an insidious creep so by the time I realise he’s pulling, my arms already sore.

He physically can walk faster as occasionally he does. However there is no rhyme or reason as to when he will. We were walking to get a toy yesterday and it was still the slow torture.

I've tried games on the way to school which sometimes helps but if he isn’t in the mood for it - back to slow torture. Realistically, I can’t make every single walk a game either.

I'm so, so fed up of what could be nice little walks with a nice chat, just being an awful experience of something to get through. We bought the house we live in with the school run in mind as it’s nicely walkable.

I'm also realising how restrictive it is in general. We have so much on our door step and we don’t take advantage of it as much as we should. I’ve always put it down to busy life but actually, I think part of it is the drama of walking there.

Has anyone dealt with the same issue and found something that helps which isn’t just time?

We take a scooter on the school run. Possible for you?

I just keep going at a sensible pace. DD soon realises that if she wants to be with me, she needs to keep up!

Might not work if your DC is less clingy, though…

How about a song?
Come along, come along
Let us foot it out together,
come along, come along
be it fair or stormy weather…..

Second a scooter. My two zoom ahead.

What happens when you tell him to walk faster?

We did get him a new scooter for Christmas with this in mind. We right live in a town centre with us just behind one side of the high street at the bottom and the school just behind the other side mid-way up. With the bus route and amount of people going about I haven’t braved it yet. I did have high hopes walking in to Smyths two days before Christmas though 😂.

He’s clingy but it doesn’t get him to walk faster. I let go of his hand when he pulls and continue to walk but then he either stops and cries or continues to dawdle along.

Songs and games work well if he’s in the mood, if not I get tears and ‘mam I don’t want you to say that’.

If I tell him to walk faster or explain that he’s hurting me he will sometimes walk faster for about 10 seconds. Sometimes that starts the tears instead though. He’s a very emotional child at the moment too.

Songs and games work well if he’s in the mood, if not I get tears and ‘mam I don’t want you to say that’.

Surely the response to that is “if you don’t want me to say that, you need to walk faster”?

Have you asked him why he walks so slowly and won’t walk faster?

can you skip?
count your steps as you walk,
march? like a soldier

does he need to see a doctor, any problems with his gait or anything?

Can’t you just give yourselves a bit more time to get places?
i have a very slow child too. She’s actually got Ehlers Danlos and struggles to walk quickly for any period of time. But we didn’t know this when she was five. My friends now adult son is also hyper mobile and I know she feels bad about all the times she was exasperated trying to hurry him up when really he was struggling. Again the cause wasn’t obvious until he was older. Im just saying - you can’t actually be sure there is no reason.

Can’t you just give yourselves a bit more time to get places?
i have a very slow child too. She’s actually got Ehlers Danlos and struggles to walk quickly for any period of time. But we didn’t know this when she was five. My friends now adult son is also hyper mobile and I know she feels bad about all the times she was exasperated trying to hurry him up when really he was struggling. Again the cause wasn’t obvious until he was older. Im just saying - you can’t actually be sure there is no reason.

Haha mine used to pull my arm like this (she wasn’t that slow though) I just ignored it and she stoooed about a year ago (7) get him a scooter? They’re pretty cheap and it’ll make him speed up. Actually you’ll probably have the opposite problem then.

are there any friends in the distance for him to catch up with?

How much do you walk day to day?
Some kids are in the car a lot so walking can take a while to get used to?

Get a scooter for yourself and then you’ll be able to keep up with him. I feel your pain - my dd walks at a snail’s pace, and has to stop and look at everything along the way too. Doesn’t help I’m a naturally quick walker, which made me think I was the problem until we had a friend of hers with us who had to keep stopping to let her catch up. We’d go for walk with friends and their kids and there would be younger ones walking and my dd getting a piggy back to have any chance of getting anywhere.

What helped us was her bike. She’s sensible on it, thank goodness, and means we can get the two miles between home and school done in a sensible time.

If he’s getting upset about not wanting to play games I normally just say ‘fine, we’ll just walk’. Which is the dawdle and pull time. If I explain it’s so we can get there he then gets more upset, I think because he sees it as an attempt to manipulate him perhaps. His emotions are like a minefield at the moment and I feel like I’m walking a tightrope of trying to acknowledge that he has emotions and that’s fine but at the same time teaching him that whinging (may be NE specific but that whine crying stuff) is not ok.

Try the scooter.

Or walk fast and bring him along with you. You'll still be pulling him, but at least you'll get there quicker. When he asks you to slow down you can slow down a bit, but not to a glacial pace. If you start fast a mid-pace will feel slower to him. Use this technique to speed up his normal walking pace.

I may take him to be seen actually. Thank you @EleanorReally and @dicentra365 . Perhaps I am being unfair in discounting any physical reason. I do sometimes think his ankle turns in slightly but discount it as he seems fine bar the slow walking which appears more like choice.

Time wise we have 30 minutes for what is a 7 minute walk for me, if alone, as we aim for gate opening, allowing 15 minutes for the walk and then 15 minutes to spare before gates close. We’re not usually in a rush, it’s just the frustration of the sheer slowness.

@UniversityofWarwick my worry about the scooter is for bumping someone. I’m fairly speedy and a runner so could keep pace with him at this age I think. I was actually looking forward to the scoot either way without him too!

Okay this might be totally obvious but does he know how to do things in a rush?

My LO is a total dawdler, she’s always looking for bugs, telling me the colours of the flowers, sounding out the road signs, finding litter for me to put in the bin, many breaks for ‘AWE CUTE DOGGY!’ and generally we just take the scenic route through life but she knows when we have to hurry.

When she was heading towards three I was having this getting out of the door, snails pace doing everything, but I was concerned about taking her independence away so we practiced rushing rather than me doing things for her. Now, at four, she knows if we are rushing it’s ignore distractions, speedy legs, talk and walk etc. We also talk about time a lot, what times we have to be at certain places and how long it takes to get there, teaching her to be responsible for being on time too. If she wants to take it slow she has to be ready to leave early.

I have worked with even older children that don’t have any concept of rushing and we just practiced doing fun things quickly, then practical things and finally difficult things.

Tell him you’ll put him in a pram next week if he doesn’t speed up this week . Cruel I know, and no one would do it, but maybe he needs the shock

Does he like school? Im reading this thinking he just wants to putt off going as long as he can. Might be worth a chat to the teacher, and to him.

Stop letting him drag on you. He’s hurting you and that’s not ok. If he pulls let go. If he cries ignore him. Keep walking at a reasonable pace, ignore the whinging and moaning. Be consistent. If you keep giving in and cajoling him along everytime he protests this will just carry on.
Make sure you can see him at all times but then just keep going.

I was thinking this. And it’s not ‘cruel’. It’s a natural consequence of not cooperating.

i suggest practicing walking and getting to school games at home.

framing it as him helping to get you ready and get him to school. Practicing walking and marching to a beat. Playing a song on your phone and walking and getting ready around the house.

get him to hold your hand and lead you.
DS is in charge of getting us to school today, and he has a little watch that when the big hand gets to 6 you need to be at the gate.

but also use the scooter!