Need reference from previous employer I left on bad terms – anxious to ask

[BlueOtter9]

Hi all,

I work in teaching. I’ve been offered a new job (very relieved to be moving on), but they require two years of references. One of those references has to come from a school I left under… awkward circumstances.

In my last job, I was hit in the head by a ball thrown by a student. It was supposedly accidental, but I ended up with severe migraines afterwards. The school didn’t reprimand the student or really acknowledge the impact. I eventually went off sick due to the migraines and stress.

While I was off sick, I met a friend for food one day because I was struggling mentally and needed to talk to someone. Unfortunately, I was seen by the headteacher, who was apparently unimpressed. I later left the school, and it’s fair to say I didn’t leave on the best terms.

Now my new employer needs a reference from them. I’m anxious about reaching out — worried they’ll refuse, or give a poor reference, or make things difficult.

Has anyone been in a similar situation?
How would you approach asking for the reference?
And realistically — can a school refuse to provide one?

Any advice appreciated. I’m probably overthinking but it’s making me nervous.

Thanks in advance.

Thw UK is pretty clear. If your contract says they will give you a reference then they’re required to do it.

In your case,I would ask for a ‘basic reference’. In this they confirm when you worked for them and what your job title was. A lot of employers only give basic references, so your new employer won’t think it’s unusual. I am not in your sector but I am only allowed to do this when anyone leaves.

Just ask for the reference. They may not give it, but chances are they will, though it may not be much more than "BlueOtter worked at this school from September 2019 - July 2024 as a history teacher for years 9-11," or whatever it was. Being education, they might want more detail than that, but I'd just ask, "please can I put you down as a reference, are these still the best contact details?" Like nothing negative ever happened. Assume it will be fine until you've clear evidence it isn't.

If you are off sick, you are allowed to leave the house to meet people. Unless the head mentioned anything to you about seeing you out, you may be making more of it than it actually was.
Request the reference. They tend to state the period of employment and not include a character reference.