46, pregnant and single

[Loveditbutitdidnot]

I'm 46, pregnant (donated embryo) - first own child not from/not in the UK.

I just learned earlier this morning that retoind (I used a serum) is not recommended in pregnancy.
For the most part - I find it all overwhelming - what would you tell me about pregnancy - what you found important, less so or any other - I want to create a list from people who've been pregnant before.

Eat well, sleep well, take your pre-natal vitamins, attend all midwife/Dr appointments/scans and try and do a few jobs a week (preparing the nursery, shopping for essentials, building the furniture & pram etc) as you’ll be exhausted in the last few weeks.

My colleague was a solo mum by choice, she looked after herself & like above started doing baby prep sooner than those with partners.

Maybe set up a system of support for when baby arrives: parents, siblings, other relatives & friends, speak to them and ask if they would be okay checking in on you on week 1/2/3/4 post partum so that you’re not just relying on specific people.

The most shocking for me post partum was the exhaustion/sleep deprivation, so if you trust someone to walk the baby/sit with the baby whilst you sleep, that would be life changing.

Congratulations.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Most of us when pregnant did something like this that we later found out wasn’t recommended. Try not to worry, it’s generally a precaution. But we all cried and/or felt like a bad mum!

Id say just do your best to relax and take care of yourself. Eat as healthily as you can and get whatever exercise you feel you can. Do things that make you happy. Like pp says, plan for your supports once baby here, but make sure you take it easy and be nice to yourself.

Meal prep if you can for those times when you are exhausted and have no time for anything else , we always forget to eat well so if you meal prep in advance and freeze you can then defrost a meal on the go ! Sleep when baby sleeps in the early days everything else can wait because sleep deprivation is no joke ! Take all help offered 🩶 look after yourself x

Is it ok to ask about the treatment it’s something I’m considering (I’m 44)

Don't stress about the face lotion. The chance of harm is extremely low. Either stop or reduce to spot treatment only. The amount in beauty products is quite low.

I bought leg compression cuffs off Amazon and used nightly for leg swelling. Will be useful if you end up having a c-section, too.

I had brutal reflux that began in the 2nd trimester. My obgyn prescribed a medication.

Don't underestimate how tired you might be - and emotional. Don't stress about doing things right.

I struggled with breast feeding with my first and it has been fairly easy with my 2nd. It can be very difficult first time around and we're usually convinced we don't have supply, can't do it, baby won't... it is a learning process for both mum and baby. Being exhausted and emotional makes it all the more difficult mentally. Having said that, I bf, pumped and ff my first. It's been 90pc bf with my 2nd.

I co-slept with both of mine, but i am a still sleeper. You can find safe co-sleeping info online if you are interested.

Follow your gut and don't downplay or try to minimize any health concerns you might have for you or your baby. Both of my kids had significant illnesses as newborns and were admitted to hospital. First dc had an infection develop at 6 days likely from a scratch and we were in hospital 4 days; second dc had croup and RSV (all of us had RSV) and were were in hospital 3 days at just shy of 4 weeks.

swaddle baby or put into a vibrating bouncer seat in the bathroom with you so you can have a proper bath/shower.

offer breast/bottle before you think they're hungry. As some babies seem to go straight to purple crying.

Babies love to be held so do it as much as poss, don't underestimate the power of skin to skin contact. It helps brain development and hormone regulation. It can decrease or prevent ppd.

don't think you have to suck it up if you feel you are struggling. Get help from your GP, hv, midwife. Can you get a doula? I had a doula with my first born, invaluable help, she was a trainee so cost was minimal.

Find single parent support groups (now), bf support groups, ppd support groups, house cleaner, child minders now and make contact so you've got help when you need it.

Also a single mum by choice here. 🩷

Yes

Emily Oster’s book Expecting Better was amazing for this kind of thing-lots of data and easy to understand analysis so when something like this happens, like someone is obnoxious when you’re ordering coffee etc, you can put your mind at ease and make confident decisions. Congratulations!!

Thankyou ! Was the process difficult? Or relatively easy ? Do you need to take a lot of medication/ injections? Are the clinics welcoming to single women ?

About 2 - 3 months (consultations, psychological evaluations, donor matching (surprisingly many on database but hardly available (either had recent aspirations or untraceable):

The actual cycle:
a week before the start (bloods)
day 1 - 26 on Femodene - to synchronise with the egg donor (her process ran separate but parallel during this time)
Day 16 - had to have arranged for sperm to be in the lab.
Day 21 - embryo biopsies and frozen
Day 30 - period
Day 31 - Estrofeme (recommended to take until 12 weeks)
Day 41 - Genetic report back
Day 42 - I had a scan
Day 47 - Transfer (5 min max, followed by 20 min rest then discharged)

Tested about 12 days later.

I felt alone and overwhelmed(hormones had strict schedules "can only take it an hour after dinner/before breakfast" and given my age - felt pressure to be to follow schedule accurately - IVF is expensive and knew I could not afford another (age and cost).

The nurses and consultant were reassuring. I felt the silent judgment from other patients - they mostly came in as couples - I was always alone of the group that appeared to be in the same cycle.
I had a terrible nausea (even though dr does not think it bad enough to prescribe medication) and have no appetite (I am mostly moody because I enjoy food and want to eat but) - dr says prolonged nausea/slight reflux is made worse because of the hormones I was on leading up to and post the transfer.
I feel more a sense of responsibility than excitement (if that makes sense - English 2nd language).

Oh, I also prescribed Duphaston and Crinone from about a week before transfer up to 12 weeks.

This, 100%. Every time you make a meal, make double and freeze one. (Label well!) By the time my baby was born I had six weeks of healthy meals in the freezer ready to be defrosted and eaten. It was an absolute godsend.

Congratulations! Small thoughts, but

Get a flask if you drink tea normally, so that when you make one drink, you make yourself a second. Some babies need to be held for longer than you can imagine and you will be grateful for a second drink.

Look at/try out slings to use. There's quite a variety of styles. Find one that's easy to put on/take off alone and you will be grateful when you need to get stuff done.

Best of luck.

Organise, develop or pay for a support network.

Congratulations!

Make a will and appoint someone to become the child's guardian if the worst where to happen.

Congratulations OP. I’m in awe of you!
Definitely get as organised as you can so you’ve got everything you need and a spare. Stock up on food/snacks that you can eat with one hand!
Sort any paperwork, insurance or things like that that’ll need doing around baby’s arrival early. When baby arrives you’ll just want to snuggle up in your nest, cuddling and feeding.
One thing to remember is that there’s always someone on mumsnet to ask if you need help or reassurance, even in the middle of the night someone else is awake. I wasn’t a mumsnet user when my DD was a baby, so wish I’d known about it then!