I feel so stressed and cannot cope with life atm

[cadburyegg]

Usually I manage ok but I am not having a good time mentally. Snapping at the dc and unproductive at work. Crying almost all the time. My dc are with me all the time apart from EOW with their dad and I when they are with me I’m almost always working or parenting. I feel like I barely get a second to myself and what I do get just isn’t enough. My dc are going to bed later and later as they get older. Ds7 just gone to sleep and ds10 will only go with some persuasion. They are up by 7 so they get enough sleep. I can’t afford to be taking them out in the winter every weekend I have them to tire them out and in any case they are good fun and easy to look after at the weekends. But during the week it’s awful. They dislike school and struggle so much with all of it. They take this out on me and each other in the evenings with back chat, refusal to go to bed and pushing boundaries and trying to argue . I’m so exhausted and fed up of it all.

it’s over a week til payday and I have £5 left in my bank account. (I do have some savings but I don’t want to spend them.) I’d still be in my overdraft if it wasn’t for a car insurance refund. My ex pays zero maintenance (pls don’t turn this into a maintenance thread I have been through this with CMS). I am just fed up of watching the pennies when every time they see him they are spoilt with money and yet MORE toys they don’t need to the point where I’ve had to say no more toys here. They are becoming spoilt and have no idea how to look after things or save up because they are spoilt by him and his parents but god forbid he puts his hand in his pocket to buy something as boring as a new winter coat.

I’m just so stressed I am in my bedroom atm about to go tell my ds10 he needs to go to bed but I just want to hide under the duvet and not come out. I can’t pin my stress on any one little thing it’s just everything 😭

I hear you.
I have been a single parent for thirteen years to two DC with little support, not even EOW for reasons I won’t go into. I am also tired of juggling everything with no resources, it is exhausting so do be kind to yourself.
A light a long way away in your tunnel, but it does get easier. My youngest disliked primary but is thriving at secondary. They become more able to amuse themselves and less likely to bicker. I dragged mine out for a walk every evening regardless of the weather and we also played board games after dinner. It was how I got them to sit down and engage. There were shows they would both watch as well. Swimming of an evening also works but I appreciate this might not be possible if money is tight. I know it is exhausting but I also did try and remind myself I would be sad when they had left home and there was no noise in the house. It’s a life stage.
Also make sure you are not iron deficient and are taking vitamin D, these two things help my mental state, but I am also on Setraline.
I know that is probably not much help, but I wanted to say I hear you.

That does all sound very overwhelming. Single parenting is really challenging & you’re coping with financial pressure on top. It’s impressive that you have savings. We all feel shit somedays. Im currently overwhelmed by teen dramas & feeling really rubbish about my attempts, hard though I try.

If you don’t want fixing ideas then skip this bit:
1)show yourself a bit of kindness- what did you do well today? Plate up oven chips for tea with cucumber on the side? Great - your kids are fed.
2) museums are often free & can be surprisingly child friendly.
3) is there another lone parent you can team up with
? Take turns to cook dinner some days? Reach out to friends. Many ppl do like to offer support.
4) Put half the toys away for six months? I used to do a toy rotation every few months when mine had too much tat around the house.

& Have some 💐💐💐 - you’re doing better than you think.

I mean this very kindly but a 10 o'clock bedtime is late for a 7 year old, ideally they should have 10-12 hours sleep a night. The 10 year old should go not long after, even if they only read but do a quiet activity, not on a screen though. Maybe try to gradually bring both their bedtimes forward.
As for the toys then they either stay at their dad's or you put older toys away and then rotate.
I understand it's such a difficult time for you. You're doing your very best so don't beat yourself up, in fact be proud of yourself!

Totally understand OP. I'm living with an undercurrent of stress at the moment (also a single parent). It's so much to balance, and when you have to deal with someone else who has responsibility for your kids but does little for them, it adds to the pressure.

Crying all the time suggests something a bit more going on though. I looked into things myself when I went through a bad patch. Could it be perimenopause? Maybe vitamin deficiency? Even thyroid issues have weird symptoms. A physical issue makes responsibilities harder to manage and compounds the stress. Maybe telling your GP would help narrow things down a bit or at least direct you towards therapy which might offer strategies to help you cope.

I hope things improve for you. Be kind to yourself. It sounds like you have a lot going on.

Im a single parent too with EOW.

I’m wondering whether introducing a fixed in-bed time but being more flexible about sleep would help? If you made a rule that they had to be in their beds (reading, drawing, listening to music or an audiobook - no tech) by 8.30 on a school night and 9.30 on a normal night could that work?