Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

The other student

16 replies

inthecornersofmymind · 16/01/2026 14:15

There is a student in our son's class who regularly makes cruel comments to several children. While he hasn't caused any issues for our son yet, he is directing his negative energy at some of his friends.

The parents of the children who have experienced name-calling have brought this matter to the headmaster's attention, yet no action appears to have been taken.

Our son joined the school at 8+ and has been there for merely two years; during this time, I have seen the other boys mother on just one occasion. I can only speculate that he has a nanny or au pair, as he gets dropped off in a car every morning and it’s only he who steps out.

Yesterday afternoon our son was selected to work with him for a task which required all students to work in pairs, he told me that he was rather annoyed that he had to work with him, because of the way he treats his friends, and said that he didn’t speak to him.

I explained to him that what he did was unkind and that he should never disregard or act ignorant towards anyone.

He said he doesn't care and isn't interested, so he's not going to talk to the other kid.

I recently received a phone call from our son's school. The mother of another student has contacted the school to express her concerns about our son, stating that her son is quite upset and does not wish to return to school.

I agreed to come in and talk this afternoon; however, I don't see why they are reaching out to me about this matter when the same child bullies and often troubles other children with minimal consequences.

Yet, if another child upsets that child, they are keen to confront and settle the matter swiftly.

I spoke with a friend of one of the school mothers, who is among the parents that this child has upset multiple times. She raised her concerns about why they prioritise resolving this particular incident rapidly, yet overlook the other incidents that involve her son.

I will always advocate and safeguard our son; I have never received any complaints about him before, as he is very well-liked and popular among his peers.

Is it advisable for me to bring up what the other child has done to classmates, or should I just focus on our son?

OP posts:
GreenPoms · 16/01/2026 14:19

You wouldn’t be unreasonable to bring it up.

However, I’d refrain from making comments like “I have seen the other boys mother on just one occasion. I can only speculate that he has a nanny or au pair, as he gets dropped off in a car every morning and it’s only he who steps out”, I’m not sure why it is relevant? It sounds a little judgmental”, almost as if you think the child’s mother isn’t doing a good job because she has a nanny.

Original poster
inthecornersofmymind · 16/01/2026 14:24

GreenPoms · 16/01/2026 14:19

You wouldn’t be unreasonable to bring it up.

However, I’d refrain from making comments like “I have seen the other boys mother on just one occasion. I can only speculate that he has a nanny or au pair, as he gets dropped off in a car every morning and it’s only he who steps out”, I’m not sure why it is relevant? It sounds a little judgmental”, almost as if you think the child’s mother isn’t doing a good job because she has a nanny.

I appreciate your comment.

I try to avoid judging how others raise their children, but it’s clear that there may be underlying issues if a child arrives at school and behaves unkindly towards classmates without any reason.

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 16/01/2026 14:26

Maybe it is a parent dropping him off. But can’t stop because she has to get straight to work.

Nearly50omg · 16/01/2026 14:30

You have no idea what the background of this other child is. He may be having a horrible childhood or be living with foster parents or at a children’s home even. This could be why the school are so keen to sort things out quickly involving him. He could have an abusive dad who the mom is trying to leave but is struggling and he’s copying his dads behaviour 🤷‍♀️ of course he could just be a spoilt brat who is an arsehole but you just don’t know and school won’t disclose anything to you.

concentrate on your child and don’t get drawn into what this other child has or hasn’t done.

Sillygrudge · 16/01/2026 14:33

Do not consider for one moment raising other children’s issues. All speculation.

ShetlandishMum · 16/01/2026 14:34

Focus on your own child.

Leave it to school to deal with the other child. Teachers aren't blind.

Sillygrudge · 16/01/2026 14:35

Is there anything going on your home life that might be impacting your son?

Original poster
inthecornersofmymind · 16/01/2026 18:35

I had worked myself up into a state of anxiety for no reason.

Our sons tutor was concerned and wanted to know what the other student did that made him feel so upset that he felt unable to speak with him.

I am so grateful that they immediately knew that it is out of character for my son to act like this, since he consistently shows a willingness to work alongside everyone.

OP posts:
tarheelbaby · 16/01/2026 19:02

Actually, I'd phone back and decline to come in 'for a chat'. Just say, 'something's come up and I can't make it'. In fact, even if your appointment is tomorrow, phone at 8:30 or earlier and say that you can't make it due to unexpected schedule conflicts. You are not the person who needs to be hauled over the coals, nor is your DS so don't volunteer.

This is not your problem, it's the school's problem ... and they know it. Don't let them, even for a second, try to make this into 'your DS was unkind'. That's BS and everyone knows it.

So don't waste any of your time on it. As you say, they know that your son is lovely and works willingly alongside everyone else. So you do not need a meeting with anyone unless they are going to outline the consequences for the awkward one ... which they are not...

Later tomorrow, at my convenience, I'd email the tutor what you've explained here: your son was disappointed to be paired with the other pupil because he sees that child bullying his friends and being cruel to them without consequences and thus does not want to associate with him and is so distressed by the bullying of his friends that he (your child) cannot bring himself even to speak to the bully because your DS is a lovely boy and does not want to be cruel himself.

Furthermore, tell the tutor you are seriously considering moving your child to another school because of the awkward pupil in question and how much he is disrupting learning for all pupils.

Original poster
inthecornersofmymind · 16/01/2026 19:24

tarheelbaby · 16/01/2026 19:02

Actually, I'd phone back and decline to come in 'for a chat'. Just say, 'something's come up and I can't make it'. In fact, even if your appointment is tomorrow, phone at 8:30 or earlier and say that you can't make it due to unexpected schedule conflicts. You are not the person who needs to be hauled over the coals, nor is your DS so don't volunteer.

This is not your problem, it's the school's problem ... and they know it. Don't let them, even for a second, try to make this into 'your DS was unkind'. That's BS and everyone knows it.

So don't waste any of your time on it. As you say, they know that your son is lovely and works willingly alongside everyone else. So you do not need a meeting with anyone unless they are going to outline the consequences for the awkward one ... which they are not...

Later tomorrow, at my convenience, I'd email the tutor what you've explained here: your son was disappointed to be paired with the other pupil because he sees that child bullying his friends and being cruel to them without consequences and thus does not want to associate with him and is so distressed by the bullying of his friends that he (your child) cannot bring himself even to speak to the bully because your DS is a lovely boy and does not want to be cruel himself.

Furthermore, tell the tutor you are seriously considering moving your child to another school because of the awkward pupil in question and how much he is disrupting learning for all pupils.

Hello,

I had a brief gathering with our sons tutor and head teacher this afternoon, they were prioritising him that’s the whole reason behind the phone call.

Thanks for the wonderful advice; I will definitely use it and get in touch with our son's tutor through email.

I will also contact the school mothers; our boys attend a fee-paying school, and what they are permitting is completely unacceptable.

OP posts:
tarheelbaby · 16/01/2026 19:33

inthecornersofmymind · 16/01/2026 19:24

Hello,

I had a brief gathering with our sons tutor and head teacher this afternoon, they were prioritising him that’s the whole reason behind the phone call.

Thanks for the wonderful advice; I will definitely use it and get in touch with our son's tutor through email.

I will also contact the school mothers; our boys attend a fee-paying school, and what they are permitting is completely unacceptable.

Show quote history

You were gracious to give them the time for a 'chat'.

I'd not invest any further time on 'chats' about this awkward pupil.

'Prioritising your son' is indy speak for 'damage control' so use that to your advantage.

Vitriolinsanity · 16/01/2026 19:46

Please do not contact other mothers. Insist the school deal with the child. Focus your energy on your own child.

My own child attended private school, there is nothing so nasty as a mother’s WhatsApp baying for blood.

Original poster
inthecornersofmymind · 16/01/2026 20:02

Vitriolinsanity · 16/01/2026 19:46

Please do not contact other mothers. Insist the school deal with the child. Focus your energy on your own child.

My own child attended private school, there is nothing so nasty as a mother’s WhatsApp baying for blood.

I've formed a lovely friendship with the mums of our son's friends.

It is only fair for me to keep them informed, particularly since their sons have been victims of bullying.

OP posts:
AnnieandJ · 17/01/2026 06:07

I will also contact the school mothers;

Do not do this.

BadgernTheGarden · 17/01/2026 09:25

inthecornersofmymind · 16/01/2026 14:24

I appreciate your comment.

I try to avoid judging how others raise their children, but it’s clear that there may be underlying issues if a child arrives at school and behaves unkindly towards classmates without any reason.

Show quote history

It could be his mother dropping him off, not all mums walk their children in once they get to a certain age.

You could certainly say that the other boy has been cruel to your son's friends so he doesn't want to be friends with him. But in life you often have to work with people you wouldn't want to be friends with, you just have to get on with it. If they have to work together on this project your son has to talk to him.

Original poster
inthecornersofmymind · 17/01/2026 09:51

BadgernTheGarden · 17/01/2026 09:25

It could be his mother dropping him off, not all mums walk their children in once they get to a certain age.

You could certainly say that the other boy has been cruel to your son's friends so he doesn't want to be friends with him. But in life you often have to work with people you wouldn't want to be friends with, you just have to get on with it. If they have to work together on this project your son has to talk to him.

Show quote history

Our son can choose not to speak to the other student if he prefers, as this is a consequence of his actions.

You cannot treat people unkindly and bully them without reason, then expect others to want to be your friends; that's not how things operate. Our 10-year-old son is also conscious of this.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page