I’m noticing more and more how strange this group dynamic is and I don’t know if it’s normal or if they’re all shitty friends. I know them from uni and we’re now all mid-thirties.
The level of effort that everyone makes for each other is totally imbalanced.
One friend will get a giant birthday party organised for them and everyone is expected to be there, contribute to the cost of the venue, bring their own drinks, pay for their own food and contribute to a (usually very expensive) gift. But another friend will plan cheap and cheerful birthday drinks at their local pub, and only 2 people will even show up.
Some of them have a fair bit of money, but others can’t afford a meal out very often and instead of everyone agreeing to something more low key for that person's birthday, they just don’t do ANYTHING for that friend. That friend is also viewed badly for not contributing a lot to the big present (Macbooks, DJ decks, expensive handbags, luxury hotel in London etc).
Personally I’m only ever invited to the bigger events, which after a couple of years of being pissed off about, I’m fine with. I’ve accepted the fact that I’m just not that close to any of them and we’re probably more “randomly meet up at the pub and have a nice time” type of friends. But when a big event happens in my life and they hear about it from someone else, I’m given the cold shoulder because I didn't consider them good enough friends to tell them face to face? I don't get invited anywhere, there's no conversation via text, how are we possibly considered good friends?
Anyway, this has all come up because there’s yet another big party coming up with a wildly expensive gift, and the 3 other people who have their birthdays the same month aren’t even acknowledged.
Is this normal? Is this mad? I feel like this is mad!