Oh my.. would I be responsible for organising DH funeral now?!

[Overstimulated]

I just woke up from a dream where I attended DH funeral.. but I did just rock up before the service. I was even going to sit at the back🤣 it wasn’t until my mum said “you’re his wife, we should be at the front” that I decided to sit at the front.

anyway, I woke up and now I’m thinking.. I’d have to arrange it wouldn’t?! It wouldn’t Be a case of just receiving a time and date and showing up..🤣 poor DH I feel useless.

anyway, here’s hoping to better dreams 😴💤

You do know that bodies do get rejected by medical science.

My dad decided that my mum "would have wanted" a natural burial but had made no plans for it (or if she had, nobody had been warned). The local green burial site is full, and the nearest one only had space at the edge so she's buried miles from home and under a hedge. The site only operates one day a week and had a multitude of restrictions about what coffin she could have, what we could plant up mark the grave and what funeral director we could use. It wasn't the calm, natural experience the brochure leads you to believe and I'm stuck in the grief process from the awfulness of it all. Dad may want a woodland burial himself but he's getting a direct cremation if it's down to me to organise it!

DH and I have both prepaid direct cremations and left the paperwork for the kids to find if we end up dying simultaneously. We've organised too many family funerals based on guesswork and no money that we both feel very strongly about it. It's not for the dead but those who are left behind.

This is not everyone's view at all. It is an individual choice.

I was really grateful to my late DH for not wanting a funeral. Everyone is different, you can’t make a sweeping statement telling people what to do.

I’m so sorry you’ve had this experience. I’ve recently lost a family friend who had a natural burial and it was what made me decide it’s what I want too. The whole thing was just about their happy memories, memories were shared amongst others, very peaceful, very calm and much more how I would want mine.

I’m guessing it’s probably harder in more densely populated areas.

It’s not cruel to many. It can be a huge relief. Direct cremations now represent at least 20% of UK funerals - a huge increase over the last few years, and it’s growing.

In my opinion, and that of our adult children, an informal memorial gathering at some point after a death is a much nicer way to remember someone than a funeral with mourners and a coffin.

And cost is obviously s a big factor. Those companies that advertise direct cremations on TV are a rip off. You can arrange one through local funeral directors for a few hundred pounds.

Sadly at some point one of you would need to arrange for the other. One thing that might take the pressure off is knowing if he's got any wishes. Funeral directors and family/friends would support you.

Hopefully, you don't have to worry about it for a while!

I’m in the throes of arranging my DSis funeral at the moment…already done both our parents so it’s all become a bit of a routine if I’m honest. On the plus side I have DH, DS and I organise to the nth degree for when our time/s come.

I suppose it depends how long ago it was taken out though. Parents paid £1200 each for theirs quite a few years ago. Our local funeral director charges £1655 for a direct crem, so buying a plan is good value if you live a fair while after.