Anti-vegetarian Mother getting me down

[Honeysucklelane]

I’ve been a vegetarian for over 30 years. I made this choice as an animal loving child because the thought of killing and eating animals disgusted me. My mother has never agreed with me or people in general being vegetarian / vegan and will make digs about it every chance she gets.

She does cook for me, but there have been occasions where she has snuck meat or fish products into dishes.

Her negative comments have really got to me recently and I fear I’m going to end up falling out with her if she keeps making negative digs about vegetarians. My vegetarianism has been blamed for any issues in my life from basic common cold to divorce - yes really!!

For context I’m the only vegetarian in my family. My husband and kids aren’t vegetarian and I cook meat for them. I don’t ever dictate to anyone else that they ‘shouldn’t’ eat meat, because it’s my personal choice. I choose not to eat it, it’s not my business or concern if anyone else wants to eat meat.

My now adult child decided, aged seven, that they didn't ever want to eat the flesh of any animal or fish.

48 years ago, it was bloody hard to to decide what products contained animal products. These days, it's easy.

Sorry to say this, but your parent is being a prat.

To put a gloss on my opinion of your parent, maybe she feels bad that you are going against her when ..... No, I cannot finish that sentence. She's being a prat.

My adult child is still vegetarian. Has been for 40+ years. I catered to their dietary requirement when they were young
.Now I'm old and infirm, they cater to mine.

My childs partner and I are carnivore, adult child is chief cook, no one goes into the kitchen when they are there.

They are quite happy to cook our meat, they use a cook thermometer to cook meat, But wouldn't dream of eating it.

My mum still tells me that I will make myself ill by not eating meat though it has been 38 years so far.

Ha yes I get this a lot from my in laws. They have recommended the book ‘the vegetarian myth’ to me and think I’m terribly unhealthy. I try not to let it bother me.

One of my children decided to become vegetarian a few years back, I never made any comment either way. They are still mostly eating a vegetarian diet, but will eat cheeseburgers and breaded chicken.

I often feel like telling my mother to get over it as it’s been over 30 years now. I’m not ever going back to eating meat - unless it was an extreme life or death survival situation and I was forced to.

She’ll slag off other vegetarians she knows, (and vegans even more so) in front of me. Blames my ‘bad diet’ on me suffering from low iron - which has happened 3 times in my life and was due either to pregnancy or me eating badly due to stressful events. Overall I’ve been fit and healthy as a vegetarian.

I get the same comments. Maybe it’s a theme with women of that generation?

I try to ignore them, but after a recent visit and having the realisation of how many decades she’s bitched about my diet, it’s got me down.

In contrast my in-laws haven’t ever slated vegetarians. My MIL just goes out and buys a pre prepared vegetarian meal to pop in the oven and never comments.

Unfortunately it is par for the course for many vegetarians and vegans.

A very unhealthy relative has told me how unhealthy my vegan diet is. Despite me having been vegan for over 50 years and healthier than them in every way. Don't tell me I am unhealthy when I can easily walk 15 or 20 miles and they have let themselves get so unfit and overweight they struggle to climb the stairs.

It is best ignored, arguing makes it worse. I used to eat with a friend fairly regularly, but they would make digs about my diet. Eventually I said that my diet was obviously making them uncomfortable so it was better we stopped meeting up. Cue crying and claims of loneliness.

Honestly, it's better to avoid naysayers as far as possible. Do you need to see your mother very often OP?

I'm astounded at how out-spoken, rude and disrespectful some ( most) of these DPs are to their children for making a decision that dares to go against their own. I'm really sad for their DCs, no matter how old they all are, or how long the DCs have been Vegetarian, it feels like these DPs are very stuck in very old ideas, which, frankly these days of being able to easily inform ourselves, not to mention the recipes and suggestions out there, are basically ignored? I have a very open-minded friend/neighbour who grew up in a country where meat is king, and yet, she has spent considerable time and effort to please her Vegetarian grandchild and his gf, by cooking Vegetarian meals for them when they visit once a week. It's amazing how close-minded some can be towards people they love and care for.

I get that nonsense from older relatives too. Veggie for 20+ years, perfectly healthy.

Meanwhile they're all obese, inactive, rarely leave the house, eat nothing but sugary crap and ready meals, suffering from gout and indigestion and endless other medical issues. They're ones to talk...

Is that printed with a quill pen on parchment ?

@ColdWeatherWarning yes, all the carnivores that I know who believe veggie/vegan is unhealthy all look slightly manky actually

The next time she brings it up "you know what mum, it's been 30 years and I am really fed up now with all the negative comments about my dietary choices. Its affecting my mental wellbeing so from now on I won't be tolerating this topic of conversation- if you bring it up I'll remind you to move it on and if you don't then I'll be ending the conversation and possibly the visit if it persists. What you do next is up to you but i hope you can respect my boundary. "

Then you need to be prepared to follow through every single time.

Again it's not a generation thing, I know plenty 70+ who have been vegetarian or vegan since they were young, its a 'being a twat' thing.
Im a 'light' meat eater, veggie most days, occasionally meat.

Not very often. Would be nice to get through calls and visits without it being mentioned though.

I don’t try to convert anyone to vegetarianism so no one should be telling me I ought to eat meat or I’d be healthier if I ate it.

I'd point that out to them. Kindly, of course. 😇

My mother is quite fit, active, slim and healthy so I can’t use this line with her unfortunately.

I've been a vegetarian for nearly 33 years for the simple fact I can't bear the thought of killing animals to feed humans and the way they are killed gives me huge anxiety ... also watching my dad as child shoot rabbits and have them hanging in our utility room at home absolutely distressed me.

As a child I would hide the meat of my dinner plate anywhere I could and only ate it when I was forced to which again was very distressing for me.
My mother in law always put chicken in my plate and when I'd say for the thousand time I'm vegetarian she would say it's chicken of course you can eat it ffs

I went vegetarian aged 11 and I am sure that if I for example got run over by a bus my family would blame it on vegetarianism.

I’ve been a strict vegetarian for over 30 years and my elderly mother still says ‘surely a bacon sandwich wouldn’t kill you?’ I just laugh but actually she’s right, it wouldn’t. It is purely a lifestyle choice and I am tolerant of people’s questions and comments because I know my own mind. Whatever they say won’t change me but I hope it opens their mind up a bit.

Never had a problem with my parents regarding my vegetarian diet as a kid. Luckily they were happy to live and let live.

But it makes me laugh remembering the fat flabby dinner ladies at primary school who told me I wouldn't grow up big and strong if I didn't eat meat. Or would die.

Still here, still alive age 57 and now vegan and still not telling other people what to eat.

That did make me chuckle! After all, vegetarianism is the route of ALL problems. 😂

I can’t believe I’m not the only one who has family members who treat them like this over their diet choices. I feel like snorting meth would be more acceptable to my mother.

I often feel like telling my mother to get over it…

What’s stopping you? I genuinely don’t understand - speaking as a mother of two adult kids and several teenage grandkids - why telling parents, politely but firmly, they are out of order and to stop their nonsense is seen as such an impossibility by so many people. Your mum is being rude and obnoxious and I think it’s entirely reasonable to tell her so.

I've also been a vegetarian since I was about 13, for the same reasons, and similarly don't judge others for their choices. My DH and DD eat meat and it's no issue. My parents (now in their 80s) have never made a fuss, other than my mum encouraging me in my teens to eat as wide a diet as possible within the scope of vegetarianism.

I'm afraid I wouldn't tolerate your mum's behaviour. I would be giving her a thorough telling off every time she said something, eg:

"Do you realise you must have made a similar comment at least 200 times in the past 30 years? Didn't you realise that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results? It also makes you come across as nasty and lacking in understanding and respect for others. I am going to talk over you every time you do it in future."

(and then when she starts, literally talk over her about anything you like. Keep talking loudly until she shuts up. Repeat every time she does it.)

It will never change until you make it change. It's ok to be rude to her because she is totally out of order.

it's a 'being a twat' thing Brilliant. I will be stealing this, if that's OK.

Disappointing to hear some people still struggle with the concept of vegetarianism. It's not as if it's new.

Just have it out with her already. She doesn't care about your feelings on this matter so why do you respect her's? You're the adult and have the power in the relationship now - use that to your advantage. You don't have to go all guns blazing, but you should respond to her and let her know that her opinions don't matter to you and you don't want to hear it any longer.