Anyone else’s H or just mine?

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Honestly bamboozled.

My DH has this habit of loudly making plans with the kids in front of me (DC1 6 and DC2 2). Something like ‘SHALL WE GO TO THE PARK’ with this performative voice and proceeding to put his shoes and coat on then at the point of everyone being ready turning around to me and saying ‘you coming then?’

I want to preface by saying that I don’t really care about being included / excluded - on this occasion I actually said I need to do X and Y in the house so I’ll pass but why not just direct the question to me in the first place?

Anyone else’s H or just mine? 😂

I don’t really understand the issue. He’s asking if you’d like to come or assuming you will? Or needs you to and then disappointed if you don’t?

Sorry I’ve missed the point but I love it when DH gets the kids ready and out and I can hide at home for a couple of hours watching come dine with me and eating chocolate.

Not sure what you are trying to say here. Are you annoyed he does this?

Sounds like he is suggesting to the kids that he takes them to the park, which is lovely, then asking you if you want to go to? Or am I missing something? 🤔

I don’t know if I’ve explained it very well…

90% of the time we make plans together / communicate about them. So - ‘what do you want to do when DC wakes from a nap?’ Or ‘on Saturday I fancy doing X’ and that way we speak about what’s going to happen (regardless if it’s one of us +kids or together).

Sometimes, usually when he’s in a bit of a mood he will direct the question to the kids, not to me, and then at the last minute say ‘you coming then?’

I’d love to know what @Steamedcarrotsaid

I think he’s being passive aggressive. Not quite sure what he’s trying to achieve. A normal way to make plans would be to mention it to you first.

This is the problem with passive aggressive behaviour - the whole thing is focused around making it clear the other person has done something wrong without actually telling them they've done something wrong so that you don't risk being challenged/argued with.

You're handling it perfectly as it is - the only effective way of dealing with it in the moment is to refuse to engage with the drama.

It would be worth asking him, at some point when everything's calm and there's no stress to provoke defensiveness, what's happening in these moments.

"I've noticed that usually we talk to each other about what we're planning to do, but sometimes you get the kids ready to go without involving me and then ask if I'm coming. What's going on there?" Something that doesn't assume, doesn't accuse, and doesn't put words into his mouth. It's up to him if he decides to talk it through like a grown up.

I think that’s the phrase I’ve been looking for! Passive aggressive. The annoying thing is we haven’t even had a spat, he’s just in a generic bad mood.

Do you think he's just poking at you to see if he can pick a fight then? Sometimes people who aren't very good at dealing with their own emotions try and provoke someone else into being 'to blame' instead of looking inwards and thinking about it as their own problem to deal with.

Give him a taste of his own medicine. Say 'lets go to the shops' and when everyone is ready and about to leave, point your finger in the middle of his forehead (touching) and say 'not you' then head but him

Maybe… it’s hard to tell because it’s not like it leads to a fight. But there is an off feeling in the air

I love this 😂

He sounds really annoying, sorry .

Yes do it back, who wants a fry up this morning, not daddy, he’s having cereal etc?