I just need somewhere to rant and get things off my chest as I feel really shit. Where do I start well i was dating someone for a year at first he was the nicest guy id ever met he wasn't my usual rugby player type he was overweight and unfit but he seemed really nice so I thought its not worked out with my type so mayi should give him a try as , as I said he seemed nice telling me how he'd never felt like this about anyone he wanted a longterm relationship with me payed me lost of compliments . I'd been single for a year when id met him and was at my most confident and happy with myself but slowly he chipped away at that calling me overweight saying I needed to lose 3 stone picking on my appearance my personality saying im to happ I get too excabout things anything I did that I thought me being nice to him he turned it into a negative I bought him a slice of cake and he moaned about that saying that I was being bossy and that I shoved it to him when I didn't lits of other things making me tone down everything about me so that he was happy most of the things I didn't realise until we broke up . One night after working then getting a bus and a train to see him and thee one time I didn't take foid to cook for us he said ill get a pizza but I was tired and not feeling great so I said can you just get it so he moaned but went and got it a massive meat feast knowing I dont eat most of the meat on it and really dislike the taste so I couldn't rat it so he sat and ate it all that was my punishment for not going with him.
Then he was depressed his mum was ill all excuses to treat me bad oh u know im depressed. Allalong he was pushing me to move faster than I was comfortable with wanting to move in with me saying we should be living together that was 3 mths in I was gonna finish with him but he said he was depressed and his mum was ill so I thought I cant send him over edge by splitting up so I supported him helped him loads then I got pregnant unplanned I was still getting my head around it he said he'd only be happy about it if we was living together then I had a miscarriage I was devastated as was just coming to terms with having a baby at 43 staring to feel all happy . This is how horrible he was I was in the car with him while still having the miscarriage and he said what's wrong I said im in pain and he said I dont know what your moaning about its only like a period then he was all full on about try again so the next time we had sex we didn't use anything then he started going g made at me saying would a stupid idea to get pregnant and I should get morning after pill I was so upset as he'd been going on for weeks abuse trying again he then dumped me a mth after and accused me of having a termination and that he cant trust me as thinks I cheat on him id never done him any thing to make him think id cheated on him all so he could play the victim. He left me at rock bottom I felt like killing myself and it made it worse that I started to remember all the horrible things he said to me and it made me feel so stupid as I was happy and confident when I met him I now feel like shit and si gke 5 mths later still feeling worthless whike he moved on b4 we even split. Today made it all come back as a car same as his was parked outside my house and as soon as I got out my brothers car it drove off I dont know if it was him but was same car so I looked on my fb messages had hes got pick with new woman announced all on FB dating he got with her same wk he dumped me . I dont know what I want from writing this I just need to get it off my chest as it just feels like anotblow from him its like im morning the loss of the baby and the person I thought was and the happy confident persi was that at this moment time I feel like I will never get back to.