How to come to terms with not having anymore children?

[visionpools]

We’re expecting our last baby in February, it’s our 2nd, we were originally planning on having 4 but I suffered with HG and PGP in both pregnancies so we’ve decided not to have anymore. It’s definitely the right decision for us, it means we don’t have to extend or upsize our house/car and we’ll have more disposable income and time to spend with our 2DC, but I just can’t help but feel a bit sad. As difficult as pregnancy has been I still really enjoyed the good parts, and even enjoyed giving birth!. I’m just a bit upset that after we have DC2 I won’t hold another newborn of my own, which is insane because I don’t even really like the newborn stage!. It’s also VERY unreasonable but we will have one of each, and I always wanted DS to have a brother and DD to have a sister as DH and I really cherished our relationships with our same sex siblings, and I’m worried having opposite sex siblings might not be as special growing up (again I know how silly this is).

I also want to say that I know we are so so lucky to be able to have 2 children, which is making me feel awful that I feel the way I do. I suppose I’m just mourning the life and family that I thought I would have, which makes me feel a bit of a fool.

Has anyone else felt like this? And how did you get over it?. I don’t want to spend DD’s newborn days upset about future children I won’t be having so I want to get over it ASAP!.

I asked myself what another child could add that my two children didn't already provide.

I also went through the risks - risk to me, kids not having a mum, next child having additional needs meaning my current two wouldn't get the level of attention they needed etc..

It gets easier as they get older and play beautifully together. I know that if I had three then someone would be left out, and if I had four then I would always be dashing around sorting something and not get the same chances to watch them play and do craft etc.

I also have a boy and a girl and they are thick as thieves.

I had 24/7 sickness through my pregnancies.

I wanted 4 dc, dh wanted max 3 (ever the practical he said only 3 fitted in a normal car). I always thought that after I'd had three I'd persuade him a fourth was a good idea...
But I felt done with three. I never got to the point of feeling the family wasn't complete and wanting another.

It wasn't a sudden revelation, but a gradual realisation.
Occasionally (even now and my #3 is 18yo) I feel sorry that I won't have that lovely moment when the baby comes out and is all squishy and new... but it's a gentle "lovely memory" not a feeling of sadness.

Put it to one side for now. Revisit the feeling when baby is coming up for 3 and make a full decision then. You may well find that then - as you come out of nappies, expensive childcare, bottles, sleepless nights, etc that you don't want to go back to it all. That's how I found it anyway.

Firstly....
recognise your hormones are doing weird things to you... I spent a lot of my first pregnancy crying because my husband repeatedly made a shit joke about buying Nissan Jukes (dont ask) and I thought he wasnt taking car buying and baby seriously and thought my baby would be stuck with an irresponsible feckless father and cried a lot 😂😂😂😂😂

secondly
’m just a bit upset that after we have DC2 I won’t hold another newborn of my own, which is insane because I don’t even really like newborn"

You are about to get 6 months + of what you apparently want!!!😅 (i hate newborn stage too!) which is holding a (boring) newborn!!!!

Thirdly
Fwiw thinking you want something and wanting it when you have it are WILDLY different.

I remember busting a nut to get my "dream" job i landed it and loathed it and couldnt quit fast enough...

When I had my oldest we were part of a 4 couples group all having babies at the same time. The other 3 couples were adamant they wanted 3 kids...I wasnt sure i wanted one 😅😅😅
All have the means (family money, family support, health and fertility etc) to have more
...
NONE of them are and all the 3 wpuld be azong chat has died down.

2 children is a lot for most people.

Thank you everyone, you’ve made me feel a lot better. I know realistically it’s my hormones, I can see so many benefits to only having our 2, I’m just going to cherish DD’s newborn months as much as I can!.

I don't feel done at two, but disaster in delivery made the decision for me, so slightly diff circs, but totally get that "this my last newborn" thing.

I haven't really come to terms with it, but like you, I feel really grateful for the babies that I do have, and that we're all here, and there are so many positives to having just the two DC. But yeah. The tiny baby gro. The milky snuggle. So many things. It's the end of an era for me and I am just processing.

This is exactly how I feel. When we were trying to DC2 we still imagined we’d have more, but after having a difficult time with pregnancy I just can’t put myself through it again. But then the thought of not doing it all over again and this being the end of a chapter just makes me so upset. I know it will all be worth it in the end and I can really focus on our 2 instead of going through another potentially difficult pregnancy and not being able to be as present as I’d like to be for 9 months, but gosh I’ll miss tiny newborn feet and the little sounds they make.