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Original poster

Finding motherhood challenging and not what I expected :(

24 replies

HaychEss · 07/01/2026 01:01

I’m not saying I regret having my baby, I love her! But I didn’t expect it to be this hard work…she’s always wanting to be entertained or held which makes it difficult for me to get things done or time for myself (and I have tried a carrier/sling) Don’t get me wrong I have family who offer to babysit on weekends which I do use occasionally but I don’t like to put anyone out.

Alot of the time I blame myself as a FTM, did I hold her too much, did I do something wrong? I know not all babies are like this because I have nieces and nephews…but it’s really put me off having more kids. Anyone relate or know when it gets better? She’s currently 16 weeks.

OP posts:
Springbaby2023 · 07/01/2026 01:06

As soon as I read the start of your post I knew your baby was going to be four months. It was a tough age for both of mine, the newborn hormones have worn off as has some of the support / visitors etc and meanwhile your baby is waking up and needing more entertaining but also can’t do a thing themselves. She sounds very normal. I know you say you have nieces and nephews but the thing is nothing can prepare you for having your own baby to look after every minute of the day and night.

It will pass, before long they’ll be on the move and more easily entertained. Motherhood is a series of hard bits and less hard bits and you’re in a hard bit right now but it honestly does pass quicker than you can ever imagine. In the meantime try to be kind to yourself, get out of the house as much as you can, and lean on any support you can.

Nyeaccident · 07/01/2026 01:08

I really thought I wasn't cut out to be a mum at that stage. For me it all changed at about 7 months and I have absolutely loved being a mum ever since. Mine are teens now and they are still fab and have been fab at every stage except babyhood! Hang on in there

splash123 · 07/01/2026 01:09

Society glorified motherhood as this fulfilling and magical thing. But actually it is the most exhausting and relentless and tedious thing a lot of the time! So rewarding, but enjoyable? Not constantly. You are doing really well, the first 16 weeks are brutally hard as you're recovering from labour and also becoming entirely s subservient to a tiny person who doesn't know you have needs.

Be kind to yourself and ask others around you for help and try to snatch sleep when you can. I ended up having a several children and love them so so much, but I like them more now they're older. Hang in there and please don't cherish every bloody moment!

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Nyeaccident · 07/01/2026 01:10

Mine were both velcro babies and wailing at that age.
You will get time for you back I promise

OriginalUsername2 · 07/01/2026 01:15

Springbaby2023 · 07/01/2026 01:06

As soon as I read the start of your post I knew your baby was going to be four months. It was a tough age for both of mine, the newborn hormones have worn off as has some of the support / visitors etc and meanwhile your baby is waking up and needing more entertaining but also can’t do a thing themselves. She sounds very normal. I know you say you have nieces and nephews but the thing is nothing can prepare you for having your own baby to look after every minute of the day and night.

It will pass, before long they’ll be on the move and more easily entertained. Motherhood is a series of hard bits and less hard bits and you’re in a hard bit right now but it honestly does pass quicker than you can ever imagine. In the meantime try to be kind to yourself, get out of the house as much as you can, and lean on any support you can.

nothing can prepare you for having your own baby to look after every minute of the day and night

So true! I remember with my first born catching a horrible cold and it dawning on me that I had to look after the baby and be ill at the same time, there was no crawling off to bed anymore 😩

Nyeaccident · 07/01/2026 01:15

In fact my full-on howling clingy babies have turned into the most amazing teenagers who have spent this last week looking after me, styling my hair, doing housework, and bringing me drinks and hugs while I lie in bed reading and recuperating after breaking my arm. It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you're in the howling can't put them down phase but I promise there will be so many lovely days ahead. In the meantime try and find people who will take the baby for an hour so here or there so you can just get a little bit of a break. With hindsight I should have done that more

SilenceInside · 07/01/2026 01:15

Imo, you can't hold a baby too much. Touch and contact is vital when they are tiny. You haven't done anything wrong, it's just how some babies are.

My first was like this as a tiny baby, but he was an absolute joy and delight as soon as he could sit up, move himself around, crawling and then walking.

Cm078 · 07/01/2026 01:16

I felt like this after my second. "Why did i do this again?" But I've blinked and she's now 2! It will get better and it goes by so quickly. Take the offer of a babysitter when you feel you need it, I never had this option so definitely make the most of it.
You've got this, enjoy those snuggles while you can. I now miss is terribly!

Springbaby2023 · 07/01/2026 01:16

@OriginalUsername2 mine and two and five now and I still regularly say to DH whenever one of us is ill that I wished I’d appreciated all the times pre-kids when I could just be ill and not worry about anyone else but me!

Nyeaccident · 07/01/2026 01:17

OriginalUsername2 · 07/01/2026 01:15

nothing can prepare you for having your own baby to look after every minute of the day and night

So true! I remember with my first born catching a horrible cold and it dawning on me that I had to look after the baby and be ill at the same time, there was no crawling off to bed anymore 😩

Show quote history

My worst memory was having a tummy bug and having to throw a howling breastfeed baby at dh every time I needed to be sick.
But just a year or so later when I was vomiting in pregnancy that same baby, by then a toddler, was just the most gorgeously caring child he would bring me his favorite teddies and say such sweet things to me.

Original poster
HaychEss · 07/01/2026 01:34

Oh my goodness, there seems to be light at the end of the tunnel! Thank you all for reassuring me I really needed that x

OP posts:
OscillateItsTitsALot · 07/01/2026 01:35

Ah mate you are in the throes of the worst days! My 2 are now 12 and 8 but with my eldest I felt exactly the same as you.

You feel this way at because it IS hard, exhausting and it makes you feel trapped. It’s OK to not enjoy it. In fact it makes you normal.

What I will say is this: it gets better. You’ll get the odd nob end who says it doesn’t, but it does. I promise.

My advice is to try and organise something each day, even if it’s just a long walk. Look forward to it and stick to plans

And I’m gonna be THAT nobhead but please do try and steal moments of enjoyment. I know it’s hard because when you’re as exhausted as you are it feels like there is no enjoyment. But enjoying holding your baby as they sleep, The chubby wrists and the teeny tiny clothes is something you will one day miss. Take lots of pictures. Dont expect to enjoy it all, but try and have at least a couple of moments in your day where you revel in the loveliness of your baby.

Good luck!

suburberphobe · 07/01/2026 01:42

Ah, sweetheard, yes it's hard.

One foot forward, and the next.

saminamama · 07/01/2026 01:47

My baby is 17 weeks and there are days when I can’t get anything done as he just wants to be held. Even for his sleeps. I find popping him in the bouncer helps and I can do a workout in front of him to entertain him (grow with jo YouTube) otherwise I embrace the carrier, pram walks are also a little break too. it will get easier

Original poster
HaychEss · 07/01/2026 02:03

OscillateItsTitsALot · 07/01/2026 01:35

Ah mate you are in the throes of the worst days! My 2 are now 12 and 8 but with my eldest I felt exactly the same as you.

You feel this way at because it IS hard, exhausting and it makes you feel trapped. It’s OK to not enjoy it. In fact it makes you normal.

What I will say is this: it gets better. You’ll get the odd nob end who says it doesn’t, but it does. I promise.

My advice is to try and organise something each day, even if it’s just a long walk. Look forward to it and stick to plans

And I’m gonna be THAT nobhead but please do try and steal moments of enjoyment. I know it’s hard because when you’re as exhausted as you are it feels like there is no enjoyment. But enjoying holding your baby as they sleep, The chubby wrists and the teeny tiny clothes is something you will one day miss. Take lots of pictures. Dont expect to enjoy it all, but try and have at least a couple of moments in your day where you revel in the loveliness of your baby.

Good luck!

Haha I hate when people say enjoy everything, but I also get it because they do grow super quick.

You really hit the nail on the head with your reply, trying to look forward to the little things but it can get lonely ngl, especially not having any mum friends & grown apart from other mates.

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 07/01/2026 02:05

Nyeaccident · 07/01/2026 01:15

In fact my full-on howling clingy babies have turned into the most amazing teenagers who have spent this last week looking after me, styling my hair, doing housework, and bringing me drinks and hugs while I lie in bed reading and recuperating after breaking my arm. It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you're in the howling can't put them down phase but I promise there will be so many lovely days ahead. In the meantime try and find people who will take the baby for an hour so here or there so you can just get a little bit of a break. With hindsight I should have done that more

Yes this is my experience too. Had cancer last year and my dd’s were incredible.

Original poster
HaychEss · 07/01/2026 02:07

splash123 · 07/01/2026 01:09

Society glorified motherhood as this fulfilling and magical thing. But actually it is the most exhausting and relentless and tedious thing a lot of the time! So rewarding, but enjoyable? Not constantly. You are doing really well, the first 16 weeks are brutally hard as you're recovering from labour and also becoming entirely s subservient to a tiny person who doesn't know you have needs.

Be kind to yourself and ask others around you for help and try to snatch sleep when you can. I ended up having a several children and love them so so much, but I like them more now they're older. Hang in there and please don't cherish every bloody moment!

So true, I feel like people make it look so easy but everyone has their own struggles.

And I hate it when men say “our mums managed fine” or older women say “we also had children and managed fine”.

OP posts:
MaggieBsBoat · 07/01/2026 02:10

This too will pass. Babies suck sometimes. I mean they’re adorable but they are relentless. Motherhood is not some fulfilling trad wife dream. They are work. They are boring and noisy and demanding. Later it gets better. I have 5 and have lived to tell the tale.

Original poster
HaychEss · 07/01/2026 02:10

Nyeaccident · 07/01/2026 01:17

My worst memory was having a tummy bug and having to throw a howling breastfeed baby at dh every time I needed to be sick.
But just a year or so later when I was vomiting in pregnancy that same baby, by then a toddler, was just the most gorgeously caring child he would bring me his favorite teddies and say such sweet things to me.

Show quote history

That sounds awful!
Aww can’t wait until mine develops their own personality.

OP posts:
Original poster
HaychEss · 07/01/2026 02:12

MaggieBsBoat · 07/01/2026 02:10

This too will pass. Babies suck sometimes. I mean they’re adorable but they are relentless. Motherhood is not some fulfilling trad wife dream. They are work. They are boring and noisy and demanding. Later it gets better. I have 5 and have lived to tell the tale.

5 😬 DH wants 5, were all of yours demanding? Cos I said if the next one is as difficult as this, I’m not having anymore!

OP posts:
Original poster
HaychEss · 07/01/2026 02:18

saminamama · 07/01/2026 01:47

My baby is 17 weeks and there are days when I can’t get anything done as he just wants to be held. Even for his sleeps. I find popping him in the bouncer helps and I can do a workout in front of him to entertain him (grow with jo YouTube) otherwise I embrace the carrier, pram walks are also a little break too. it will get easier

The bouncer has helped recently, before that she wouldn’t even want to go in there.

Love a grow with job workout, not got round to working out yet although I have been meaning to. Balancing cooking, cleaning, self care, feeding baby, sterilising bottles, washing clothes, maintaining a relationship, socialising, praying.. it’s just never ending!

OP posts:
penguin377 · 07/01/2026 02:18

I remember feeling like this. I felt a lot of pressure from others to enjoy those first few months, and ofcourse there were wonderful moments… but the reality was that I struggled and didn’t enjoy much of that time. I found that it wasn’t until my baby started being able to do more that I began to enjoy.. at the beginning they are so dependent on us all the time, but it gradually changes. My child is now almost 3 and I love being a mum now - so much more than I did in the early days. I’m pregnant with baby 2 - my husband and I both feel we’ll probably hate the first year… but anticipate it’ll get better again as it did the first time. You’re not alone,
hang in there - motherhood is wonderful and rewarding… AND exhausting and terrible 🙈 and whilst there will always be hard parts it really does get better xx

Original poster
HaychEss · 07/01/2026 02:20

Springbaby2023 · 07/01/2026 01:16

@OriginalUsername2 mine and two and five now and I still regularly say to DH whenever one of us is ill that I wished I’d appreciated all the times pre-kids when I could just be ill and not worry about anyone else but me!

It’s not even been 4 months and I’m always saying to DH, remember when we used to lie in on the weekend. Ask him if he misses life pre baby but really it’s mums who have to sacrifice more.

OP posts:
Aria999 · 07/01/2026 02:22

Yep, it's hard. It gets better (or at least different), gradually. Babies are really just small versions of the people they will be, it will be part of her character and not anything you could have done differently. (Once you have more than one this becomes obvious).

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