Play date etiquette

[PeachesMcQueen]

My son has recently started school and the mention of play dates has been bouncing round the playground.
When do kids start having afterschool play dates where they stay for tea? Are mums expected to go too? What about younger siblings, do they attend if mum is invited?
We were invited to a play date a few weeks ago and me and my youngest (age 2) were also invited, and stayed for tea. Is this normal?
I’d like to start inviting his friends over occasionally but I’m wary of the rules. At what age do kids go on play dates without mum in tow.
How do you all manage this? And what is a favourite thing to feed them?
All advice greatly received.

You just need to talk to the other parent.

Some kids/parents will be happy with drop and go. Some will want to stay. There is no one right answer.

Food - again speak to the other parent! I offer pizza as a first choice and this is good for most, occasionally you get one that doesn't like pizza/is gluten free/vegan. Then I'll cook what the other parent suggests, usually some kind of beige food that all kids like (sausages and chips, fish fingers and chips, pasta pesto etc).

Don't stress about it, but do use your basic communication skills to speak to the people you're inviting!

Why just mums?

Year 1 they start going on their own. Reception I went with them. That’s my experience anyway.

something I would ask about would be screen access, making sure they don’t end up in an older sibling’s room watching porn or horror film or whatever

This Is Mumsnet!

I live in a city and this isn’t a thing here. Parents working, after school club etc.

There aren't any 'rules'. DS was a terribly fussy eater so didn't generally want to eat at other people's houses, so one of us picked him up before dinnertime. I was happy to feed any amount of children at our house, though we're vegetarians, and for playdates to last anything from an hour till after dinner, and for a parent to stay or not, whatever worked for everyone.

In my area:
Stay for tea is very individual, some do some don't
Parents in attendance - in reception all playdates I went to and hosted had parents present, this changed quite abruptly at the start of year 1 when the vast majority became drop off with only a small handful of the more protective parents (or those with additional needs) staying. It seems to vary by area though
Younger siblings - welcome as long as parent present ime

Food - keep it simple, I usually do pasta or something like fish fingers, plus a big plate of snacks to pick at

I never went with dc to after school play date.
They were picked you by other parent and I collected after an early tea.
Same when we invited others to ours.
Couple of mums I was friends with would meet up for dc to play but never stayed for food then, maybe a quick snack. Often would go to the park instead of someone's house

Agree with NuffSaidSam, it depends on the parent and the child. I’d just ask them if their child would like to come round, then say you can either pick them up or they can both come. If the child is in after school club the parent may not be free to come round straight after school anyway.
Regarding food, ask in advance if there are any allergies or dietary requirements. Easy food like pasta/pasta bakes or pizza tends to go down well.

So helpful, thank you all