Choir…

[RipplePlease]

Bit of a weird one.
I joined a choir a couple of years ago which I really enjoyed.
Last year I had a family bereavement so I stopped going for a couple of terms.
Now I’m thinking of going back but I’m just not feeling it.
The woman who I used to go with would often cancel due to work commitments (which she tells me is still the case) and I would sometimes feel anxious about that.
No one is unfriendly but I don’t feel as comfortable without my friend there.
I’m not sure what I’m asking on here but I can’t seem to commit fully to going back or not going back.
I realise it’s not a huge problem but I seem to be locked into this indecision.
Maybe it has something to do with my bereavement and its association??

What sort of choir is it? I'm a member of Rock Choir and find it a very supportive. I've made amazing friends. It's more fun than serious though. Is there one near you?

@ApolloandDaphne
It’s definitely a fun one!
I can’t unpick why I’m feeling so reluctant to return, other than the last time that I went was around a very difficult time.

These sorts of "not that important" decisions... I flip a coin.
If you assign Heads to "going back to choir" and it lands on Tails, and your first gut feeling is disappointment, then you know you should go back.

I was also a member of a choir for many years, and made the very difficult decision to quit mine about 2 years ago now. I didn't really enjoy the conductors style/personality, and wasn't really feeling the music we were being given. It was becoming a chore and a "Oh, it's Tuesday, that's choir night..." Instead, of "Oh! Yes! Choir tonight!"
I agonized over the decision for ages. But once I quit, I thought of them maybe a couple of times, but truly didn't regret it for a moment.

In your case, I think I'd tell myself, "I'll go for one term, and then reassess." Like you, I had a choir buddy who stopped going the term before me, and it wasn't so fun then.

The way I see it, choirs of some shape or form will always be there, and I can always join one again if I feel the desire.

Could you persuade another friend to come along with you?

Join a different choir? The dynamic of these groups can change easily when certain dominant people join or leave or people are already in a friendship group.

Or find another friend who'd like to come with you? You don't have to go every single week and you can be in more than one choir.

Maybe do some trials at other choirs and see what they are like? Fun type choirs often do a free week as a taster.

It does seem like there's an association between the difficult times in the past and this particular choir, so maybe it's time for something new. If you go on your own you may find that you eventually build more connections with the people around you. Going with someone you already know can make it harder to branch out and form connections with other people.

Good post. I joined a choir a friend was already in a few months ago, but we have different voice types, so weren't ever beside one another, and the room was so overcrowded it wasn't easy to move around during breaks either -- I met some nice new people that way.

I go to Rock Choir and joined on my own. I now have lots of friends there. I find it easier to make friends on my own than I fo going with someone. Maybe it is the association stopping you but you can be strong and get past that. Is there a different choir you can join?

Rock Choir new term starts next week and you can book a free taster session. Lots of people try it out that way. I've been a member for many years and love it!

I’m sure this is the reason. What a horrible time for you. What about letting the choir leader know why you have been away and explain the association? Try to go again. It will be different because you are going in a different frame of mind and have now had a traumatic experience. You may find it doesn’t have the same buzz as it used to but you may also find it’s more enjoyable. Why not give it a go? You may make new friends who all share the same passion for singing.