Realising I don’t actually need to do everything perfectly

[dongbibi]

I had a bit of a lightbulb moment recently after chatting to another parent. We were laughing about how much pressure we put on ourselves to get everything right all the time, when actually most things just need to be good enough.
The kids are fed, they get where they need to be, the house is reasonably tidy, and everyone’s mostly in a decent mood. That’s kind of the win, isn’t it? I’ve stopped stressing about the little stuff and life feels calmer for it.
It’s made me realise I’m doing better than I give myself credit for. Curious if anyone else has reached that stage where you relax a bit and trust that things are actually fine.

One time I was stressing about something inconsequential with the kids... 2 under 2yo... and my mum came round...

"All fed, non dead, its a good day, let's get going..."

It sounds as though you are doing well OP.
I think when it comes to parenting we are programmed to constantly worry whether we are doing the right thing, or doing enough. So that you are feeling more relaxed about things is brilliant.

I think you also have to factor in that there is another adult there too unless you’re a single parent. So your workload should only be 50% of that in theory. Women tend to take the whole mental load on when actually it’s not entirely their responsibilty. If you can’t relax and trust the other adult to do their share, ask yourself why not.

Love that saying all fed and non dead

I agree. I had to consciously lower my standards in most things when my hurly-burly boys were little. Much less tiring to just accept you will be living in a bomb site for a few years and there's nothing to be done about it.

The other thing I used to have a problem with is beating myself up if something I cooked didn't work out 100% perfectly or was slightly wrong. Even if I broke an egg and some shell went in the bowl. I'd almost feel guilty. That had to change too! Now cooking is much more pleasurable.

Love that!

I used to micro manage every element in our house and also wreck myself trying to get every little detail perfect. Then the kids got older and I went back to work full time. This December I just physically didn’t have the time to do all of the tiny detailed things I’d normally do and it was actually so much nicer! The kids still had all the magic and I was far more relaxed. Going to carry that forward into the new year

None dead.

"Perfect is the enemy of good" also springs to mind.
You can make yourself miserable aiming for unnecessarily perfect results.

Yep, i often think "everyone's fed, no one dead" and if there is an issue I think "better not perfect". I cant always solve an issue perfectly but I can nearly always make it better somehow.

I love all fed, none dead.
I used to really struggle with things being done perfectly. Like at school, I would rewrite things over and over of not near enough, bin craft projects because of a tiny error. This carried on into adulthood and I really stressed about stuff not being right. I read somewhere "done is better than perfect" and that was my lightbulb moment.

Yup. I grew up hearing it as “Everybody fed, nobody dead.”

Well it certainly isn't "non" dead, unless perhaps you're talking about a zombie. That's just "non-sense".

'Twas a simple typo, but most got the general gist of it.

"All fed, none dead", for those that didn't.

Someone said on here the other day, "There is no gold medal when you die for having got the most stuff right in life".

Hit me like a ton of bricks (in a good way!).

The irony of this on a thread about not needing to be perfect. It was so obviously a typo

I leaned into non-perfection a long time ago. I decided that what I wanted most out of parenting was to enjoy it. If you're stressing out about every element then you don't have time to stop and smell the roses. I'm so glad I did that now mine are teens and young adults

Fed, basically clean, generally happy - yip that’s where you need to be

in fact it’s better than perfect as it’s showing your children they don’t need to aim for the impossible - extra smug win there