Sundown scaries

[littlemissalwaystired]

Any advice for someone struggling with the sundown scaries in the initial postnatal period? Day 10 and it’s not been an easy ride but it hits 4-5pm and I just want to cry. I love my baby beyond words but get such a feeling of dread and anxiety. In the day I’m alright. Sleep isn’t good overnight which won’t be helping and I’m struggling to switch off and catch up in the day. Please tell me this won’t last forever?

It won’t last forever OP! A short time!

what are your evenings like? What are you struggling with in particular?

do you have a supportive partner?

I don’t even know what I’m struggling with most! My husband is incredible and really supportive. I think it’s knowing there’s a long, sleepless night ahead and also then worrying about things like falling asleep feeding baby. I’m not keen to co-sleep as that makes me anxious. Evenings currently are just lots of lying on the sofa cuddling & feeding etc. It just seems to be this real hormonal cloud that hangs over my head when it starts getting dark.

Promise you it gets better. I once remember thinking I would never get an evening how they use to be. You’ve just had a baby one of the biggest adjustments for your body, mind and change in your life. Go easy on yourself and try where possible to squeeze one hour of you time in per day to have a bath, read a book etc and keep that consistent each day something to look forward to. Before you know it, you’re be in a routine and baby will be sleeping better and you will get your evenings back. This like everything is just a phase and will pass. X

Oh gosh. I felt like this with both mine. Awful. As soon as it gor dark my stomach started churning. It does pass … I promise! I can’t exactly remember when but I think it definitely got better when they started getting into a routine and slept for longer chunks. You will get your evenings back and will feel like a new person. I don’t know about you but I live in central London so would often open my shutters at night during a feed etc and look in and see who else had their lights on! It used to help me to feel I’m not alone. If you’re rural you could try listening to the radio or just pop on Mumsnet. I also brought myself a flask of tea upstairs for night feeds and that was a small source of comfort.

Are you exclusively breastfeeding/pumping?

Oh bless you. Sending strength and positive vibes!
What helped me was watching a particular TV show when wide awake in the night (attempting to breastfeed, which took a looooong time with the first child). I watched every episode of the old Channel 4 comedy Teachers, which for some reason perfectly hit the spot and made me feel like I had something funny, and some sort of company in the long dark hours.
With my second I was able to feed and sleep so much better and wouldn't have needed tv to keep me going as I could usually get her and me both back to sleep, but with the first I had to make my peace with being up for hours in the night. It is torture but as others have said doesn't last long, in the grand scheme of things, even if it feels endless at the time.

Yes I promise it will pass! I have a 6 year age gap between mine and I’d totally forgotten about this feeling, but it came right back with my recent second baby. Horrible fear and dread as soon as it gets dark, and a weird homesickness feeling even though you’re home. I agree I think it’s hormone-related.

For me this time it only lasted for the first few (3/4 maybe) weeks. Watching something silly like taskmaster helped me, treating myself to a nice snack at that time so the association changed from “oh no it’s getting dark” to “ooo it’s getting dark, I’ll have a twix” instead helped. Also knowing it would pass helped second time round, but with your first baby it feels like this might be life forever, so please take it from me, it’s not!

It’s hard when they’re so little and need so much, but honestly at around 8 weeks their needs stretch out more and they start interacting more and it gets so much better…you are just in what me and DP call “the investment period” where you’re putting in waaay more than you’re getting out at the moment, but it does pass, I promise. Hang on in there! And eat aaaall the snacks you like!

ETA: it’s ok to have that little cry if you need to, I found it helped a bit!

You’re all so lovely and have made me feel less alone, thank you🤍 definitely a case of first baby and feeling like this will be it for the rest of our lives now! I’m exclusively breastfeeding currently but my husband is amazing and takes on all the chores in the house and most of the nappies etc. It just feels like we’ll never get decent chunks of sleep overnight. She cluster feeds and will then sleep on one of us but obviously we’re worried about falling asleep holding her. I was able to get her down in her crib last night for two half an hour stints but that was it. I know it’s perseverance and she’s only tiny but goodness I’m exhausted.

Hi,

I just wanted to reassure you the worst stage doesn't last long! I have a 3 month old and we're down to 1 wake a night. The early days of being up for hours each night already feel like a distant memory. It started getting easier once we had 3+ hour chunks of sleep and that was at about 8 weeks. Until then just do whatever you need to to survive 😊

While these feelings are with you, there are things you could try.

Three things that would potentially help are firstly practicing breathing exercises both before the difficult time of day and when it happens. This just lowers stress in general.

Secondly, increasing your self-care prep in expectation of a disturbed night - whatever would help you feel a bit better, so perhaps a flask with your favourite warm drink, a favourite snack, put warm clothes somewhere accessible, plan something nice to listen to on headphones while awake. This might help any out of control feeling.

Thirdly seek out other new parents to share experiences and compare notes (here or in real life). This might help any isolation feelings.

And don't be afraid of checking with your HV or GP. They will have seen lots of people with similar, they will either reassure you or support you if needed.