When saying yes once turns into being volunteered forever

[NaciGeorgopoulos]

Another mum I know offered to help at one school event last year because they were short staffed. Since then she gets asked first for everything. Trips, cake sales, WhatsApp admin, last minute cover. She said it feels less like helping out and more like she has accidentally taken on a second unpaid job.
It made me realise the same thing is happening to me. I helped once because I could, and now it is assumed I always can. I do work, I do have other commitments, but apparently being organised means being available.
I am happy to help sometimes, but I do not want to be the default forever while others never get asked.

You both could tell the school that due to work commitments you are no longer available for these tasks. And afterwards you must clearly keep declining requests.

It’s just setting a clear boundary, for all involved.

I once volunteered to do a favour for a friend. Now I am the default person to be asked. Last time I was asked I couldn’t do it and she was actually angry with me. She even asked me what alternative I would suggest and when I did she complained they all cost money and she couldn’t afford it so she made out like it was my problem to resolve!

If I agree to something I always say I can do it this once and then it sets the tone for not presuming I am always available.

You need to start saying no and meaning it.

Round school stuff it can be tricky. Often the person who is asking is themselves a volunteer and you worry they will end up being lumbered by it if you say no. Most people I knew picked something and stuck with it for a while, and said no to other things. Pick one of PTA events or volunteering in school or be an extra parent on school trips, but not all of these things. Do it for a while then consider you have done your bit and "retire".

You write like you (and her) have no agency in this. Say no.

I found that as a school governor. I was always asked to go and do things, not because they were necessarily part of the role, but as an extra pair of hands. I gave it up.

No good deed goes unpunished