Partner keeps leaving me to handle everything in the evenings

[ManoharDash]

Lately I’ve been feeling a bit fed up at home. When we both finish work my partner goes straight to sit on the sofa and scroll on his phone while I’m sorting dinner, washing up, getting the kids ready and trying to keep the place in some kind of order. By the time I sit down it’s basically bedtime.
I’ve mentioned it a few times and he always says he’s tired or he’ll “help later” but later never really comes. I know he works hard but so do I and it just feels like the whole evening falls on me. It makes me feel like I’m being taken for granted.
Is this just a phase or do I need to be more firm about sharing things? I don’t want to start an argument but I’m getting worn out with it all.

You need to stop asking and start telling him. You shouldn't have to but he being lazy and unfair on you. Start with DP put your phone down X and Y need done and I should not be doing it all so you can sit on your butt on the phone

Are you both working full time? How old are kids?

You need to be clear exactly who does what. With DH and I, one of us does bedtime and one does cooking/dishes/next day prep. Neither of us ‘chills out’ until everything is done. No negotiation!

I don’t want to start an argument but I’m getting worn out with it all.

I'm afraid you don't have a full control here. You can be as reasonable as you can, and still, he can start the argument, because it is less work for him than actually doing something.

Decide what you want to say and what you want to achieve, open the topic. If he chooses to start the argument, just see it for what it is - a pathetic attempt to evade the issue - be calm and firm, and keep it on topic.

These are the things which needs doing. Does he agree with the list? How will you split it going forward? Agree to revisit it regularly/as needed.

He is a lazy bastard who has no respect for you. You do need to give him a kick up the arse, he is not a partner he is another child who you will come to resent more and more. Ask yourself this - would you let him do all the work and if not why not?

Can you say something.
We have a child and tend to split tasks quite well. In an evening one will say 'i need to sort washing so can you do dinner' or 'i need a break from child so can you do bath and I'll sort dishes' etc

Plus we take turns doing bedtime and we give advance warning if we need to swap bedtimes for whatever reason

Do you make his dinner, wash his clothes and do his life admin for him?

No-one wants to live with a lazy bastard. Why don't you go straight on your phone when you come in, when he asks about dinner/kids tell him to crack on.

He does this, because ultimately you let him.

You either put up with it or confront him.

Or tell him you are thoroughly fed up with his laziness so you are going out until late and he can deal with everything in the meantime so he understands why it's not fucking fair to keep dumping on you.