How much screen time for 14/15 year old girl?

[workingcocker]

DD uses her phone far too much. To be fair, most of the time is speaking with her friends. (She is very sociable and has lots of friends).

She spends a lot of time on Snapchat but I am confident that she is not chatting to people she doesn’t know.

She currently has her phone unlocked for 2 hours in the morning. From 7 til 9 but is at school with phone off from 8.40 or so. She often chats (verbally) with her friends whilst they get ready for school and then chat on the bus.

The phone is then on again from 3 until 9 but often gets extended.

In my eyes this is far far too much. It wouldn’t be if she did other things, but she doesn’t unfortunately. She does no clubs etc.

She is a good kid and does well at school. No other concerns.

I don’t want to be too controlling but she needs to learn to do other things and regulate her useage.

How much screen time to your kids this age get?

If I took the lock off she would just be on it all hours.

So a minimum of 8 hours a day??

Yes, at the moment. But that’s why I’m asking for advice as I know it’s far far too much .

I’m looking to see how much time others get her age.

Most of her friends don’t have limits so it’s a difficult one to reason with sometimes.

Does she do any exercise? Or jobs around the house? Homework?
I’m trying to think of ways you can reduce it. Maybe remove the morning usage first?
My neighbours dd is 14. Her phone is locked at 8pm and she gets access at 8am for 30 minutes. She has it again from 6.30pm until 8pm. She is busy with sports and school work and family life and her phone takes second place.

In better weather she would take herself off for a walk (safe area and often goes with friends).

She does her homework when asked to be fair and has a tutor session each week. Very compliant with that really.

She keeps her room tidy and puts her washing away but won’t do any other housework.

She is going to look for a weekend job so I will obviously help her with that.

My nearly 14yo has 2 hours a day and doesn't always use that. She isnt massively social though and does have hobbies - both at home and out the home.

(She doesn't have a choice about household contributions also, and loses her phone for defiance....)

I'd leave her to it.
I use mine for emails, the news, weather, shopping, bank accounts, tickets, audible, work, the time, sports tracking, social media, photography, diary, to do lists, calculator, maps, AI, the library, printing, movies, making recordings.....
Unless you have reason to believe she is doing something very bizarre with hers, then surely she is just living her life aided by her phone as necessary. You already know she is popular and successful. Don't mess with it if it isn't broken!
If you want her to join clubs or take exercise, suggest it, but it's not going to happen just because her phone is disappeared for a few hours.

I hear you, I really do. But I think it’s too much and it seems that’s all she does.

She doesn’t spend any time with us anymore, she is constantly chatting with friends.

She would be up chatting all night long if her phone was unlocked.

I just think it’s getting out of hand that all.

She doesn’t spend any time with us anymore, she is constantly chatting with friends.

That seems pretty normal for a 14/15 year old, even without screen time.

If she’s doing well with school, getting enough sleep and doing anything you need her to do around the house then I’d leave her to it. At least she’s being sociable.

@Notmymarmosets
She is 14. You are an adult. There is no comparison whatsoever.

Obviously, though your daughter does well at school etc, she has an addiction problem.
Eight hours is way too much for any person.
It is stifling her ability to try out new things - sports, books, crafts, volunteering etc. It is affecting how she communicates with her family too.

I would allow half an hour in the morning - with fifteen minutes of that on the bus.
Then allow an hour in the evening factoring it being turned off an hour before bed - so off at 8 pm.

On weekends - no phones after 10 am Saturday
and one hour on a Sunday.

Additional would be up to an hour of other screens on weeknights and up to two on Saturday and on Sunday.

To help your daughter readjust, look into booking a remote, beautiful weekend away without any devices at all.

She will soon plan better and become more discriminating with her phone use. She has devoped lazy habits due to no controls or boundaries. Self discipline is a useful skill for her to have.

I actually can't believe I'm reading this. You seriously think spending 8 hours on a mobile phone for ANYONE is a good idea, let alone a child? Wow. We are failing our children massively.

I have two kids. The 14 yr old has a phone. They get 1.5 hours a day limit, it turns off at 8pm and is locked during school hours. They never use their full 1.5 hours. But they are out at sports training, studying, crafting, in town with friends, watching tv with their sibling or us... you know being a child.

The thought that a child isolated from their family on a phone 8 hours a day is acceptable is really pretty shocking and a really depressing notion at that.

I agree @orangina01. 8 hours a day is 54 hours a week! That’s way more than a full time job and that’s on top of school. Great that she is getting good grades. But why no hobbies? No team sport/music/drama/interaction with others away from a screen? Isn’t that quite unusual?

Exactly! It's definitely unusual to me.

I guess being on a phone may be socialising a bit...but what happened to actually spending time with friends in person? When I was a kid if I spent 8 hrs a day on the 'house' phone my parents would have lost their proverbial s*! Thinking that 8 hrs phone time is socialising is actually just lazy parenting.

Maybe unusual. She used to do netball but gave it up.

We live quite rurally and there aren’t many options other than school clubs which she doesn’t enjoy unfortunately.

She spends a lot of time with her friends at the weekends and during the holidays.

Those saying to restrict it to less than 2 hours or so a day - I think this would be far too restrictive for her and would probably affect her friendships for which she would come to resent me for so I can’t do that.

I’m thinking she can have it on the bus in the morning for half an hour. Then from 3-5 and then 7-9. That would reduce it by at least 3 hours a day for now.

Gah, I don’t know!! With school holidays etc it just seems to have got longer each day.

My DD is 14 (year 10), phone is locked 10pm until 6.30am, apart from that no time limits but does have parental controls set up for accessing apps, content etc.
She is not allowed to be on her phone at school at all so normal school day she’ll be on it a bit in the morning but doesn’t have time for much, then after school on the bus home and messaging friends in the evening. She’s definitely not glued to it and does all her homework, walks the dog, watches tv with us etc so does do other things.
We also don’t allow phones at the dinner table.

You are making a load of excuses but you've said yourself you know her phone use is out of control. Read the Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt to get an understanding of what you're allowing to happen by not setting boundaries.

I have a feeling that if you explain to her it's insane that she's on her phone 8 hours a day, she will want to change. Please don't just be afraid of her reaction, or as you say fear that she will 'resent you'. You are the adult! I hated my parents making particular rules but I had to follow them, and guess what, I still love my parents. ❤️

Hmm I don’t recall having limits at that age; but all my DC did a few activities which obvs limited it (can't be on Insta while you are training footy).

Is there any activity she might like to take up? Maybe you have tried the obvious things, but 14yo is not too late to look at

• Athletics
• Choir/singing lessons
• Book club with friends
• More niche sports such as martial arts, triathlon, fencing
• ParkRun
• Local drama groups (often don’t want children till they are teens) such as musical theatre or panto

I think the key may be to get her actively engaged in something else that means she needs to put down her phone. What is she interested in? What does she enjoy at school?